It is next to impossible to be in a foul mood while listening to Ska music. No matter what is going wrong all day, if you have a background of ska music, it’s hard to be angry about it.

Remember when Ska was cool back in the mid-90’s? I talking the post Madness coolness of Ska. I wonder if anyone even remembers that Madness was a Ska band at times. I mean, how many people can name a song aside from “Our House”? Does anyone remember the One Step Beyond album? Or Baggy Trousers? I have come to the conclusion that a horn section makes bands cool. Look at Cake … even one horn adds to their coolness.

I think one of the problems I have with music these days is that it’s so fucking angsty. I’m not saying that music hasn’t always been burdened by it’s angst, it has. I’m talking about all these bands that take themselves and the music way, WAAAAY to seriously. Now, when I was younger I liked my share of angsty music, but I had to offset it with other stuff as well. I turn on the radio now and all I hear is this post-grunge-pseudo-punk-wannabe blur of bands that pretty much all sound the same.

I am speaking in generalization of course. There are exceptions of course, but I miss people who are up for a little fun.

Remember those lyrics that were utter non-sense? I mean, like the B-52’s and the Pixies. Hell, even Queen had it’s moments of utter silliness. Rock Lobster? Quiche Loraine? Fat Bottomed Girls? Monkey Gone to Heaven? Ridiculous lyrics that don’t really have to mean anything for it still to be music.

I blame whiny emo boys and their bad haircuts.

Damn you emo boys.

If I could find your leader, I would kick him in the knee. Twice. That would give him something to really whine about. All you emo boys remind me of that kid who would whine and moan and wear black, then go home and secretly sing show tunes to himself. Hey, guess what, I can mindlessly strum four minor chords badly on a guitar too.

So, emo boys, go out and see how many times you can say “pick it up” in ten seconds. Then write a song about a peanut butter and jelly omelet.

So, at work we’ve got these potlucks. We generally have them once every other month or so, sometimes more frequently, sometimes less. To most of them, I bring fresh baked bread. Quite frankly, I get bored of always bringing the same thing. Other people always bring the same thing (fucking green bean casseroles), but I think that is because they always eat the same thing at home.

I will be the first person to admit that I am a cheap bastard frugal. So I don’t like to spend a lot of money on these things. I’ve made some things before that were nicer, but I don’t think people truly appreciated them. So, fuck ‘em.

I made up this recipe sitting at my desk. It’s cost effective because bulk mushrooms are cheap as is couscous. The sundried tomatoes are also pretty cheap if you don’t go to those fancy hippie stores to get them. I get them at my local farmers market for about $2 a container. I should hope that anyone who is going to make this already has the spices laying about.

So anyway, this recipe is not only kosher, but also vegetarian (I think even vegan … I don’t know if they use egg in couscous or not). I am actually modifying it out of one of my Jewish cookbooks.

Spiced Couscous with Mushrooms and Sun-Dried Tomatoes

1 cup dry couscous
1 cup sun dried tomatoes
1 to 1.5 cups mixed mushrooms (Portabella, shitake, white caps, oyster and whatever other mushrooms you like will work. The mushroom mixture is purely up to the chef…this makes it different every time)
2 to 4 tablespoons extra virgin olive oil
1.5 cups water
~1 teaspoon cumin
~1 teaspoon turmeric
~1 teaspoon cinnamon
2 clove garlic, chopped
chopped parsley
chopped cilantro

1. Place the sun dried tomatoes in the water to reconstitute. Let sit for about 30 minutes. Go spend some quality time with your spouse, or call your mother on the phone. Maybe pick up a good book and read a couple of chapters.
2. Remove tomatoes from water and slice along with the mushrooms. You can food process the tomatoes if you really want to, I don’t suppose it really matters.
3. In a large pan, slowly heat the olive oil before adding the mushrooms, tomatoes and garlic. Cook until the mushrooms are barely soft. They should cook down a lot, 1.5 cups of fresh mushrooms never equates to 1.5 cups of cooked mushrooms.
4. Add in remaining spices, parsley and cilantro. You can dabble here, you may want more cumin and less cinnamon, that’s fine, just make sure that you have enough spices to get some on all the mushrooms. I usually just eyeball spices.
5. Add couscous to the pan and briefly mix with the mix until coated in olive oil. you may have to add a touch more olive oil depending on what sort of mushrooms you used. Some mushrooms absorb more oil than others when they cook (like portabella).
6. Add water used to reconstitute tomatoes making sure there is still 1.5 cups (you may want to add a touch more water if you used extra mushrooms). Many people cook the couscous separately and I disagree with that method, no matter what you do when you cook it separately, it always comes out flavorless. Cook everything together so the rich mushroom and tomato flavor permeates everything.
7. Mix again and cover. Turn to low heat and let simmer until couscous is tender.
8. When done, take off heat and fluff with a fork before serving.

Options: Substitute part of the sun dried tomato with dried red chili for a spicier couscous. You can also add chili powder or cayenne as one of the spices. Yum!

I got a new plant for my office.

Yes, yes, I know I am Utopia the plant slayer (a.k.a. Mrs. Black Thumb, Killer of Things Green, The Foliage Destroyer), but we were tromping about Wally World late Sunday eve and they were selling little Canadian cacti for 97 cents. I know, a cactus grown in a Canadian greenhouse isn’t right, but it’s still a cactus. It makes me feel a little bit more at ease just to have a plant that could do some damage to someone around me … especially the cubicle ninjas who have been going out of their way of late to thwart and destroy my spirit.

Anyway, this leaves me with a quandary. What should I name my new cubicle companion?

I already have Bruce Wayne and I gloriously destroyed Wally West. I also have Diana in the form of a little succulent. So, what next? I sense my cactus is a “She”. it just gives off that vibe to me. It’s quite spiny and makes me happy so I was thinking maybe Selena Kyle. This way it can have a love/hate relationship with ol’ Bruce-ee. I was also thinking perhaps Edward Nigma, but like I said, it’s a girl.

One day, I’ll get holoscan comments for this blog since MT has been utterly infested by spambots. But, I’m lazy. So, in an effort to make jeckles happy and add to the already shitty discussion in the Talk Shit Forums, I added a whole new topic to discuss the name of my cubicle cactus.

So… go and banter here.

Lately, I have been thinking radical feminist thoughts. I have been wondering how much it really helped that our mothers and grandmothers burned their bras and fought for affirmative action and equality. I know I shouldn’t be bitching about this, I do have the right to vote, to wear what I wish, to drive, to walk down the street, to own property and do a plethora of other things women in some parts of the world do not have.

But, I don’t live in those other parts of the world. I live in the country that is supposedly based on equality and freedom. I live in a country where I am supposed to be equal to the men in the cube next to mine.

But, I’m not.

I get paid about 1/3 of what the men who do the same work as I (usually less) and have the same job description as I do. In all reality, I probably get paid less than 1/3 of what they get paid. One man I work with was bitching about how when he was looking for a job, all of the “Scientist” positions only paid 60k a year and that just wasn’t worth his time. That is almost double my salary.

The women in my Research and Development department are just as educated as the men, do the same work if not more and work the same hours, yet, we get paid so much less than them. I’m not talking a couple thousand a year less, I’m talking like significant amounts… 30 to 40 grand a year less.

I was looking around on salary dot com to see what the average salary is for a job description like mine in the area where I work. Now, I found a job that is similar to what I do, minus the project “coordination” (they won’t call it project management because only men can manage projects, we girls just do all the work for the manager). The mean salary for the job is about 49k a year. The bottom 95th percentile is about 40k a year. This would put me, and all of the women in my department in the bottom 1% of the pay scale, with me at the bottom for being the newest hire.

Let me get back to the whole issue with the Project Coordination. I am the project coordinator on two projects right now. This mean I put together the schedule and make sure tasks are accomplished on time as well as take care off all paperwork that needs to be filed. The Project Leader for the project, the one who actually gets the credit for completing the project does … well, if someone doesn’t want to do something, he basically goes and talks to them if I can’t get them to bend. So, basically, I do all of the work, get none of the credit and have no power to make anyone meet the schedule that I am responsible for keeping.

My company gets away with this by giving women different titles from the men. The job description is the same, just the title is different. I have to work twice as hard to get ½ the recognition. I have to make no mistakes, no foul ups, no errors. I have to be perfect just to hope to get my 3% raise (which is the max allowed).

Why? They say that men have to take care of the family. Well, you know what, so do I. I am the breadwinner in my house as are several other of the women in my department. We just hired a temp for the department. They started his pay at 17$ an hour. They started my pay at 15$ an hour when I was a temp.

I am a scientist. I work in an environment where the people should be able to see past the fact that I don’t have a penis. I work in a field where logic and reason should be forefront. I work in a field where people shouldn’t see me based on my gender. Scientists are supposed to be unbiased and “smart”.

But, you know what. I am not treated like an equal. I’m not getting paid for my brain, I’m getting paid for my gender.

If I was being treated like an equal, I would be getting paid the same as any man in my department. They say women get paid 15% less than men on average. I wonder what the % is in science. We’re always complaining that there aren’t enough women in math and science. Well, with the way we’re treated, who the fuck would want to remain here? You have to really love science to stay in the field as a woman.

I say, if you really want women to go into the field of science, start by paying them the same.

A while back I told you about that toenail I had that was all bruised and looked like it was going to fall off. More than likely it happened while I was playing soccer. Well, after a while it seemed that I would be able to keep my toe nail and that was a good thing.

I was of course wrong.

Unbeknownst to me, another toenail was already growing beneath the old one. For a long while, I have not one, but two toenails. Anyway, the old toenail finally fell off … with some help from me. The toenail itself was still black and blue and bruised looking, which was really neat. The toenail underneath was odd looking and isn’t quite right. Luckily I don’t wear girly, toe exposing shoes.

There is a reason for this.

I have ugly feet.

Yes, I can be honest about that. My feet are ugly. Sure, they’re small, but just because I have small feet doesn’t mean they are cute feet. I’ve been playing soccer since I was 8 and I’ve been running since I was 10. Sure, my feet aren’t as disturbing as a ballerina’s, but they are no prize. My toes are mangled and bent oddly. Most of my toes have little toenail to speak of (yet I still manage to lose these small slivers of toenail). My feet are also flat and very sensitive so I get blisters every time I buy new shoes and I rarely form calluses to protect my poor raw feet.

I have ugly feet.

My feet are the opposite of sexy.

This is probably why I don’t have a foot fetish. Also, it more than likely explains why I am not a shoe person. New shoes are like torture to me. I can’t imagine trying to stick my foot into a pointy-toe exposing pump. I probably wouldn’t be able to walk the next day.

On a side note, I know my comments aren’t working. I would fix them, but this would entail me not being lazy or distracted by Guild Wars, my new PS3 or my husband. I will get to it eventually. Honest. Until then, use the “contact” link information above.

Today I learned that Robert Anton Wilson died. He wrote the Schrodinger's Cat Trilogy as well as the Illuminati Trilogy. He also was an integral part of forming the philosophy if Discordianism. I like Discordianism and the style of thinking it encourages. Maybe I'm just a fan of chaos, either way, it makes the world a lesser place now that we've lost this man.

I've read everything the man ever wrote. it makes me a little sad that he and his sense of humor and life are gone from this plane. But, I'm not entirely sure that he really minds.

Robert Anton Wilson's musings:

Wavy Gravy once asked a Zen Roshi, "What happens after death?"

The Roshi replied, "I don't know."

Wavy protested, "But you're a Zen Master!"

"Yes," the Roshi admitted, "but I'm not a dead Zen Master."

I don't know if this is actually RAW posting these, but the humor seems about right.

I am trying to think positively lately. I am trying very hard to improve my outlook on life so I don’t suffer from a stroke before the year is out. So, I have decided to look at some of the positive things to having conjunctivitis.

1. I got two days off of work because I was “quarantined” .
2. The puffy redness of my eyes really brings out the green and gold tones in my irises.
3. I got to deal with the lovely people at Wal-Mart when trying to fill my prescription. Yes, lovely. *twitch twitch*
4. The doctor I randomly picked out of a hat turned out to be exactly what I was looking for in a physician. She’s smart, funny and has a Ph.D in genetics as well as an MD. Let’s all give a big cheer for science! Yay science!
5. I got my husband to drive me around places on Tuesday because I didn’t want to wreck the car. We had fun filled adventures together going from the Doctor’s office to the Wal-Mart pharmacy.
6. My husband made me lemon muffins because I was home. He is awesome. Cry out in utter jealousy all you women out there. He also plans on baking bread today and making me eggs and waffles. I like eggs and waffles, they are happy food.
7. I had some good cat time. I also had some good Guild Wars time. Mmm…flamey hammer of doom.
8. The president of my company came and asked if my eyes were feeling better. Holy crap… he knows I exist and he was even nice to me. Who knew? Then everyone started coming by and asking how I was. I felt all warm and fuzzy for being missed at work.
9. I am slowly learning how to put eye drops into my eye. Slowly. I am not very good at it and it still creeps me out a bit putting them in but I’m managing.
10. People give me a wide berth. I have my personal space and it makes me happy. No one is getting uncomfortably close, no one is lingering in my cube, I have at least two arm lengths between me and people. And I like it.

See…positive thinking. This probably won’t last long.

Why have thou forsaken me? First, you water uncontrollably for a whole day and then this?

Conjuctivitis.

What have I done to anger you eyeball? I take care of you, I keep you clean and safe, I don't put anything in you, I don't molest you with contact lenses or useless eyedrops. What have I done to deserve this treatment?

It is because that one time I got hit in the eye with the soccer ball I didn't have the time to cover you? Oh babiy I'm sorry for that. I didn't mean it. it won't happen again (this season). I promise I won't let that mean nasty soccer ball hurt you again.

Tell me what I have to do to make you better. I'll go to the doctor, I'll get those drops you like. I'll make sure you don't have to see things that offend you. This is horrible, why this? Couldn't you have just had some allergies or something? A little puffiness or something?

Did you have to go and do this to me? For everyone to see? What will the neighbors think?

Oh eyeball, I just ask that you don't get your sister involved. I know it may be hard, but I'll treat you good baby. Real good.

Love and Adoration,
Utopia

If I was Miss America, I would want the following things in the New Year:

1. World Peace
2. A really great boob job
3. A great lifting job for my hair. (They don’t call it bleaching anymore, it’s lifting.)
4. One of my family members or friends to get a horribly debilitating disease I could crusade against.

If I was my cat, I would want the following things in the New Year:

1. Opposable thumbs.
2. Squirrel minions that I could both taunt and torment.
3. A most excellent napping place that is incredibly inconvenient for my human … like on top of their head.
4. Fresh tuna in my bowl.

If I was a dog, I would want the following things in the New Year:

1. Play!
2. Bark!
3. Chew!
4. Did I mention Play?

If I was a congressman, I would want the following things in the New Year:

1. A stroke. I’d be the good guy for freaking ever and get more press than everyone else.
2. To “serve” my constituents doing the least amount of work possible to earn my 100K+ yearly salary.
3. A really nice suit.
4. … um … World Peace?

If I was that bitch who cut me off on the highway while talking on her god damned cell phone, I would want the following things in the New Year:

1. A new cell phone – to replace the one that was lodged in my forehead after I plowed into the car in front of me.
2. A year of movie theater ticket.
3. Two of those little America flags so I can attach them to my car so everyone knows how much I love Jesus.
4. For little Jimmy Joe Bob Johnny to get on the varsity football team.

If I was fabulously rich, I would want the following things in the New Year:

1. To travel endlessly.
2. Buy a really nice house and install all the things I want in it.
3. Go to my 10 year high school reunion and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh.
4. Buy something really shiny … I mean really shiny … for my husband.