Dear E. Coli,

Please stay out of my tasty food bits. I do not wish to be expelling said tasty food bits from both ends for several days. I understand that you, like myself, have a job to do and it involves infecting people with your horribleness. However, I would really appreciate it if you and your food poisoning brethren would avoid living in my veggies, meats and other consumables.

As I understand that you need to do your job so I am providing you with a list of people you can infect instead of me.

1. Michael Bolton (either one is fine by me)
2. That no-talent crooner Seal
3. Pedophiles
4. That person who cut me off on the highway the other day then slammed on their brakes.
5. That douchbag at work
6. Any person who mentions “Tom-Kitty” or their baby like it’s something important.
7. Elves
8. That fake Santa who smelled like pee and tried to make me give him money for ringing a bell.
9. The person responsible for setting the temperature in my cube to Arctic.
10. Those people who have figured out how to spam comments on my blog where all the messages are news headlines.
11. Cubicle Ninjas
12. That person in the check-out line who takes 10 minutes to write a check.
13. People who text message in the movie theater while sitting right next to me.
14. Auditors
15. People who can’t manage to use the automatic check-out lines without mishap.
16. People with those soccer ball stickers on their car who obviously don’t play soccer.
17. Ted Turner
18. Those cable (or telephone) guys who say they’ll be there between 11-1 and then show up at 6.
19. Nazis
20. People who can’t get off their damn cell phone and just drive.

If you could keep to living in their food stuffs, preferably in the form of something they cannot help but put into their mouths, I would greatly appreciate it.

Thanks,
Utopia

Posted by Utopia at December 7, 2006 10:32 AM

Comments

Posted by: Rev. Brandy at December 7, 2006 01:50 PM

Posted by: Andrea at December 9, 2006 06:13 PM

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