Yes, I know that it is early to make New Year’s resolutions, but I don’t care. Last I made resolution as well. I think one the whole, they were successful. Let’s see the run down:

Start a regular work out regiment - Okay, this was sort of regular. I did run and play soccer.

Get a pet pot belly pig - Failure. Damn.

Write something useful in my blog at least once a week –I like to think I wrote something useful, but then I realized it was a blog and nothing in a blog is ever useful.

Hunt down those guys from Creed (or Amy Grant) and pull out every single hair on their body, drop them in lemon juice and ask them if they still believe in God – Failure, though I do have some good leads on lemon juice suppliers.

Spend more time with my husband – I done good with this one.

Continue to not have children –I have succeeded with this one.

Kill the Cubicle Ninjas with my awesome Kung Fu – Failure. This is an on-going battle. I defeat one ninja with my awesome kung fu and two more ninja (ninji?) show up.

Mock at least one person every week to make sure I don't turn into a crazy, mean old lady – I don’t mock so much as swear about them a lot. I have gotten back into the mocking, though not directly.

Say "fuck" more (or possibly less) often – This was a complete success. Total and complete. Fucking awesome. Fuck.

Call myself a "cunt" more often – Total success.

Avoid stupid people – Utter and complete failure. If anything, I have found more stupid people who regularly annoy and pester me.

Make a better podcast for Mango Radio every week – I did well with this, then Mango Radio went away. There is no Mango, only Moxie.

Actually upload my shows to the fpt and link them on the news page - I was okay with this … I have been good about getting my show up on podshow because those scripts work unlike pod-o-matic.

Drink less caffeine – I did pretty well with this.

Make my husband stop smoking "for reals" this time – He has indeed quit.

Cook dinner on the weekends and give my house husband a break from a hard week's work of feeding and 'marinating' me – I’m bad about this, but I try. Weekends are lazy time for both my husband and I.

Keep my house cleaner – Pffft.

Add blog templates to my page or give them to Webkittyn – So … much … work …

Spoooooooon!! – Spooooooooon!!!

Stop making stupid lists – List are easy. We all should make lists.

So, for the next year I have some lovely goals. I have put a lot of thought into this (in the past two minutes) and decided on some most excellent resolutions.

1. Increase my penis size. This should be easy; I get several offers every day to help me with this. I look forward to seeing results.
2. Get more DJ’s for Moxie Radio. I’d like to have someone for every day of the week, but I know that’s wishful thinking. I’m not as cool, nor as popular as Mango. I have mentioned before that I am not one of the cool kids.
3. Play Soccer and not get a red card.
4. Say fuck - while playing soccer. Ooooooo….
5. I want to remain a non-axe murderer. I have a goal not to murder anyone with an axe in the next year.
6. Leash out more with my bitter, bitter sarcasm and hateful, biting wit.
7. Get a cool hat like Jamiroquai would wear. Add it to my collection of hats. Can you say Mrs. Mad Haberdasher? I think you can.
8. Get new running shoes. Or maybe those squishy gel inserts for my existing running shoes.
9. Buy DVD-Rs so I can burn stuff off of my computer and have more room for music.
10. Fail to have a stroke. I want to put off having a stroke until I’m at least 35.
11. Do a book on tape for libros.com.
12. Go to the museum and see the nifty French exhibit.
13. Slay evil – or possibly good, you know, because good is dumb.
14. Acquire a minion.
15. Have my minion do the dirty slaying work.
16. Eat cheese.
17. Go see Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix when it comes out.
18. Get a new lab coat … maybe one without pin stripes.
19. Get new lead for my pencil.
20. Destroy the cubicle ninjas once and for all.

Edit:

I forgot to post my minion sign up form.

Name: Pick out your special minion name. Everyone needs a special Minion name. Snake, Wolf and Hawkeye are already taken, as is Cupcake.

Minion Specialty: What is your specialty as a minion? Are you a 'yes' man? Are you a sneaky guileful person who will stuff ballot boxes for me? Do you have a cool eyepatch? What will you bring to the team of Utopia's Minions?

Qualifications: Have you worked as a minion before? What are your qualifications to be my minion?

If you want to prove that you’re my minion to others, you can have a button.

Posted by Utopia at December 13, 2006 10:46 AM

Comments

Posted by: katkat at December 14, 2006 10:39 AM

Posted by: Adam at December 14, 2006 12:07 PM

Posted by: Utopia at December 17, 2006 10:02 AM

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