People think that because it is Christmas time, it is okay to get out that dusty Bing Crosby record and play it. This is incorrect. It is never okay to play Bing Crosby records.

I swear if I hear one more rendition of “Jingle Bell Rock” or “I’m Dreaming of a White Christmas” I am going to go on an axe murdering spree. I hate Christmas music. Hate it. I know some people love it and it makes them feel near-orgasmic with holiday joy, but, I do not feel holiday joy.

I am a scrooge. Ho ho fucking-ho.

I hate this time of the year. I hate snow. I hate cold. I hate Christmas lights. I hate Christmas trees. I hate seeing plastic Santas, snowmen and nativity scenes as I drive down the street. I hate that people expect me to be nice. I hate that people expect me to enjoy the gift giving chaos. I hate that people pour on nicety like a diabetic’s nightmare. I hate the Winter Holidays.

The music only adds to that hatred, fueling it from mid-November all the way through New Years. I hate that one day has become months of frenzy. One Day becomes something that people treat like a two-month-long event.

Want to know what you can get my non-Christmas celebrating ass for Christmas? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. I would rather the pressure of gift giving be gone. You get me something, I get you something, Uncle Sal gets us all something and we ache and strain over the pressure of finding something nice enough to get him so he doesn’t bad mouth us for the rest of the year. Fuck it. Forget gifts. Forget once a year friendship. Forget false smiles, sugar cookies, tinsel, and 8-day candles. Give me nothing and expect nothing in return.

A gift should not feel like an obligation. That is not a true gift. A gift should be something that has meaning. The other day, a friend at work commented that she loved my earrings. So I went home and made her a matching pair along with a necklace. That is what a gift is. Want to know what I expect in return? Nothing. I did it because she liked them and I thought she would enjoy having a pair. Why does a gift have to be something for a special occasion? What gifts make you feel best? The ones that come out of the blue, for no reason at all.

So, screw you holidays. I’m not going to stop being a cold, stoic cunt just because other people think I should.

This has been my once a year Christmas rant. It shall not be mentioned again until next year.

Posted by Utopia at December 1, 2006 08:12 AM

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Posted by: katkat at December 4, 2006 09:46 AM

Posted by: Binary Blonde at December 5, 2006 03:59 AM

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