I’ve noticed that this year I have heard some truly asinine phrases uttered to me. I thought I would share them with you – in the form of a top ten list for the year.

10 – “Bling.” I really fucking hate this word. It sounds completely wretched coming out of anyone’s mouth. It sounds especially bad coming out of the mouth of a 40-50 year old white man.

9 – “Sorry, you have a vacation lock down.” This basically means that you’re not allowed to take vacation time. They lock down the vacation time for a group of people. My lock down has been since fucking September after Dragon Con, it will continue until next year.

8 – “Opera music gives me nightmares.” I know I shouldn’t mock the mentally challenged, but when my sister said this to me, all I could do was laugh. This will be on my mock list for a long time to come.

7 – “What do you mean you don’t want to come in on Saturday?” I think this is self explanatory really. Yet, it only ranks at 7 because it is sadly expected.

6 – “What do you mean she’s the Negating factor?” Some people don’t listen and don’t comprehend English well. This was in response to going over a schedule and pointing out that someone was working on the Gating item. She was the “gating” factor.

5 – “Real men don’t eat tofu.” This was followed up by the brilliant explanation of: “They just don’t.”

4 – “Atlanta isn’t a big city.” Metro Atlanta has approximately 5.2 million people. Explain to me how this could possibly be small. Sure, Urban Atlanta is sprawling with about 8400 square miles, but that is a shit pot-load of people. Heck, combine the two factors and that makes Atlanta Fucking Huge. Hell, it is a gamma-level world city. But, I give this a rank of four because most people don’t care about geography.

3 – “Making toast is hard.” This person was dead ass serious too. Apparently this woman cooks with the microwave.

2 – “Anecdotally … “ This is a pet phrase of one of my supervisors. It should never, ever be uttered in context with science. (insert Hulk Rage here) The worst part about it is he never uses the word correctly. Ever. Same goes for the word “Empirically”. I started counting how many times just this week he’s used it (to me) and the count is at 57.

1 - “Stop using words that confuse me.” This is brought to you by the same person who brought us the “Negating factor”. Now, you must understand that this person is easily confused by words. Word like: Minion, din, denial, and redacted confuse this person because there is simply no grasp of basic language here. This person listens to country music and apparently doesn’t read.* On a side note, how am I supposed to know what words confuse this person? Perhaps I should remain monosyllabic.

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* This is no slam against people who listen to country music. Just stupid people. Well, and people who don’t read and listen to country music.

Posted by Utopia at December 29, 2006 08:48 AM

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