Damn it. Apparently school board/PTA stupidity isn’t limited to Dover.
We have our very own retards right here in Atlanta.

So, in honor of Mrs. Mallory, I present you with a lesson on how to avoid indoctrinating your children to witchcraft and thus keep them safe from school shootings. (Of course, that didn’t help those poor Amish school girls much.)

1. Remove all broomsticks from your house; they may tempt your children into trying to fly them off the roof like Harry Potter. Just to be on the safe side, remove vacuums as well. We don’t want our children getting any funny ideas about floor cleaning devices.
2. Remove all owl species from the endangered species list. If we kill off all the owls the secret “witch and wizard” society will no longer be able to communicate their evil desires around the world, thus saving our children from those rock ‘n’ roll crazed teens in trench coats.
3. Burn all books that make reference to witches (or wizards), especially ones that may be construed as “good”. We haven’t had a good book burning in a while and this one is sure to keep us warm in the coming winter. Forget your oil dependency, burn books! Be sure to include The Wizard of Oz, Snow White, The Little Mermaid, The Lord of the Rings, and, of course the ever offensive Harry Potter series.
4. Go to your local hippie store and make sure they do not sell any herbal remedies. We all know this is just witchcraft in a disturbing guise.
5. Get rid of all things “robe”-like in your house. No nighties, bath robes or long dresses. We all know witches always where long robes. First it’s robes, then pure unbridled evil.
6. Make sure they don’t have access to pointy hats. In fact, just to be sure, ban your children from all hats. There may be a rogue wizard hat in the guise of a fedora, or worse yet … a beanie.

Posted by Utopia at October 5, 2006 02:45 PM

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Posted by: Cameron Testerman at October 5, 2006 09:54 PM

Posted by: Cam at October 5, 2006 09:55 PM

Posted by: Adam at October 6, 2006 02:14 PM

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