Yesterday, my husband was meandering around Target as he tends to do when he gets board. He saw Josie and the Pussycats for $5. This was a cute movie worthy of a $5 expenditure. I was amused by the whole movie and the satire it presented. (And it is a satire suitable to my dark sense of humor. Blue is the new fucking orange and feathers are the new rhinestones. And I want a Snapple.)

Anyway, you know how they put those security tags all over the cases these days. It takes longer to get the damn thing open than to watch the fucking movie. Eventually, we get it open and pop it in. Sitting through the movie, I begin to notice changes. I remember thinking, “Wait a second, that’s not what they said.” This happened several times through the movie and I was immensely confused by it. I was beginning to think my mind was going. I was like damn, it would suck to get dementia at 26.

Anyway, at the end of the movie, I was aggravated with myself because I remembered several things that weren’t in the movie anymore. Toward the end I was like “Fuck, I know Parker Posie didn’t say that.”

I pick up the box to put the movie back in the case and on the front, at the very top, right where the stupid security sticker was, is a little pink strip:

“This movie edited for family viewing.”

God damn it.

I now know why it was $5 and why Target pisses me off. Screw you family super center. Screw you and your security tape cunning. I know they did that shit on purpose.

No one ever pickets against Target, but they should. Bastards.

Things that need to come back into style:

1. Hats. God damn, if hats were in style and it was acceptable for a woman to wear them indoors, I wouldn’t ever have to waste time trying to tame my mane again. That would rock. I love hats. I would wear them all the time if it was acceptable. I’m thinking about starting a trend and wearing them even though they aren’t cool. Around here the only people who wear hats are old black women going to church on Sundays.
2. Sitting around in real coffee shops (i.e. not Starbucks) listening to beat poetry and slinging back espresso.
3. Plain Vodka Martinis. No, I do not want an “Apple-tini” or anything else that isn’t the color of water. If it can’t be eaten with an olive, fuck it.
4. Badminton. Yes, I want to whack the shuttle cock on a Saturday afternoon.
5. Ballroom dancing. I want to be able to go to a club and touch someone when I dance. And by touch I don’t mean grind my pelvis into their ass. I want to go out and tango or jitterbug or lindy or ramba.
6. Tea time. Everything should stop at 3:30 and we should get a breather to sit around, chat, drink tea and eat a bit of a snack. It’s rejuvenating. Seriously.

Things that should go away forever:

1. Reality TV. This includes American Idol, So You Think You Can Dance and all other shows that are basically Star Search with neon lights and less baton twirling.
2. Ruffles and frills. I hate ruffles and I don’t want to wear them, ever. Everything seems to have ruffles. Fuck that pseudo-gothic 18th century thing.
3. Over-educated, post-graduate, under-employed blues.
4. The “New” INXS and other bands that try to get new front men suck. Just get a new guy and rename your band you asshats. Institute and Audioslave seem to be doing just fine with it.

I like bagels. A lot. Bagels fucking rock.

I don’t have a bagel right now, but I wish I did. That would rock.

You know what else rocks?

Me. I fucking rock.

I rock Sunday Nights on Mango Radio. I had a show yesterday. It was… well, I had a show yesterday.

You can find it on podshow. I hate podshow, but I am trying to get more listeners, to do so I have to branch out into a place where my show is searchable. Thus, podshow. I like podshow more than pod-o-matic as pod-o-matic doesn’t even let me upload a show. Fuckers.

Here are some linky links:

Utopia’s Sunday Sound Off
Utopia’s Wednesday Rage
Utopia on Podshow

It is neither fun, nor exciting, but I still rock. I talk about holograms in my last show. I talk about holograms poorly quite frankly. When talking about holograms you really need pictures. Podcasts fail to have pictures and I won’t be caught dead in a video-cast. Anyway, I explain how to make a hologram with a laser pointer. Mmmm… laser diode. Laser diodes aren’t as awesome as transistor lasers, but they are still neat.

It is Friday. This week I have been rather bad about updating my blog and I know it. I also don’t really care.

Bullet points are a valid form of blogging.

• I hate elves. Elves suck. Fuck them and their pointy ears. Fuck their hippie crap and fuck their bow and arrow. Fuck that male elves look like female elves without tits. Even Agent fucking Smith looks like a tree hugging trollop as an elf. It’s disturbing and wrong. I hate elves. Fuck their ancient wisdom bullshit. They still deserve to be kicked in the nuts and being wise won’t stop that. Remember, hobbits are elf minions and therefore they also fucking suck. Nolff hates hobbits. Go and read some hobbit hate.
• Next week is Dragon Con. It will kick ass. I am excited. It means I have 3 days off of work… four if you count Labor day. This means I have six consecutive days off. I plan on being uber-geek over this period of time. I will also pre-record my Sunday Sound Off just in case I’m having so much fun I don’t want to leave the Con on Sunday. If I do leave, I will use new podcast tricks that I learned in the seminars I plan to attend while there. (Pod-Casting for Masters and shit. Wakka Wakka Wakka.) Also, Myth Busters will be there. I might smack one of them upside the head with a nerf noodle (or kick them in the nuts, I’m undecided, but kicking them in the nuts will probably get me arrested and that would ruin my vacation) for all of us scientists out there who simply cringe at their pseudo-science. For the record, you will die if you put a toaster in a bathtub. Most bathtubs are not grounded.
• I like the sun. I miss the sun. It will probably rain all weekend just like it did for the majority of this week. Fuck you clouds. Bring back my shiny day star.
• If I was a porn star, I would be called Becky Moretown. A porn star name generator told me so.
• If I was an ice cream, I would be Neapolitan.
• I finally got my tea chef tea in on Monday, the recipe was due yesterday. I only go grocery shopping once a week. It was before Monday. Therefore, I have no Tea Chef Recipe for you. I will post one later. I am thinking Assam Bean Soup with tomato and peppers. It will be not only Kosher, but also vegan for you kosher or vegan people out there.
• I only I had a stick, I would not be pestered by sharks. I think they smell the blood in the water.
• Pluto is not a planet anymore. This angers me because it is double-plus ungood. Let’s just tell every living human to unlearn what they spent most of their life knowing and go out and put some white out on all science books. Fucking astro-physicists and their egomaniacal bullshit. They just want the attention people, don’t give it to them. Rebel! Anarchy against Astro-physicists! Rebel, I say rebel! I say, continue to call Pluto a planet and let them slink back off to their refrigerator boxes underneath the freeway underpass where they belong.
• This list is too long. So it must be put out of it’s misery.

Just in case you are feeling too angry from my semi-rage filled list. Here is a cool ass hat. Enjoy.

Yesterday was Wednesday. That means that the week is half over and I had a Mango Radio show. This was a mid-week rage release. I probably have more rage than is really healthy and I know it. I’m good with that. It’s who I am.

Utopia’s new tag line:

Foul mouthed, ill-tempered radio for the angry bohemian.

It truly surprises me how many people don’t know what a bohemian is. They assume someone from bohemia. I am a bohemian. I am part of the counter-culture… part of the unpopular, the non-elite. Here is a definition for you people out there who have to have definitions in your life:

bohemian: (n) not capitalized a: vagabond, wanderer; especially : gypsy b: a person (as a writer or an artist) living an unconventional life usually in a colony with others
-thank you webster.com

or

usually lowercase a person, as an artist or writer, who lives and acts free of regard for conventional rules and practices.
-thank you dictionary.com

While I may not be a vagabond, I am most definitely living an unconventional life. Since I hate people, I avoid the colony aspect. I am an unconventional person. I am a member of the counter-culture. I don’t embrace the popular or the stylish, nor do I especially want to. Don’t confuse my bohemian attitude with that from the new Moulin Rouge (with the ever-sexy Ewan): beauty, love and all that crap. My view of a bohemian is much more like that in the original Moulin Rouge with Jose Farrar: ugly, solitary and bitter. Contradictory? Maybe, but a bohemian is a maverick, a radical, a non-conformist. Why should I even stick to the conformity of the definition of a bohemian to remain one?

But, this was not the point of what I was writing.

I had radio shows. You should listen to them. Here are links.

Utopia’s Sunday Sound Off 08/20/06

Utopia’s Wednesday Rage 08/23/06

I have long said that I am a geek. I am geek on the highest level. I embrace math, physics and the other “hard” sciences. I love engineering, computers and stupid gadgets. I would rather spend my days reading a good book than going out to the mall. I would rather be gaming than watch American Idol or any other reality TV. I am the epitome of geek. I know I am.

Yet, there are times I wish I wasn’t. There are times when geeks out there make me hang my head in shame. These geeks are LOSERS. They do not deserve the winner banner on their blog.

I can hear you all out there asking, “What geeks are you talking about Utopia?”

Well, I’ll tell you. I am talking about the asshats who want to name the 10th planet Xena. No, they are not naming it after any Roman goddess. They are naming it after the TV show. Just so there isn’t any confusion on the matter, they want to name its moon/sister planet Gabrielle.

I’m good with wanting to name the new planet after a woman. If we get a planet between Mars and Jupiter, it will be called Ceres, after the Goddess of the hearth and fertility. I’m good with that. I think the new planet should, at least, embrace the theme that has been set and accepted throughout “modern” time.

You want to name the new planet after a strong woman you fucktard astro-physicists? Great! Let me help you since you’ve obviously let your cultural sensibilities atrophy much like your muscles.

Try Juno. She is the mother of the Gods, it doesn’t get much more powerful than that. Don’t like that? Don’t want her sparring with Jupiter? Fine, how about if we try Minerva, the Goddess of Wisdom, on for size. You want to go a little more out there and maybe veer away from women? I can do that too. Let’s go with something fun and call the new planet Bacchus. Hey, no one know how to party down like Bacchus. You could all at least pretend that you’re cool for a few minutes. You want to keep the geek in the name? Go with Vulcan. You can get your Star Trek geek on and remain in theme with this hammer-wielding God of the Smithy. He’s also a god of ‘science’ and invention. Want to go with something a bit more mystical? Fortuna is the Goddess of Fortune and Fate. This mysterious lassie will hopefully blow some “getting’ laid” action your way for the favor. Still not good enough? Name the pair of planets Janus after the two faced God. That seems the most poetic really.

*insert seething rage here*

I hate astro-physics. HATE IT. I don’t give a flying fuck what is going on 120 billion light-years away from earth 120 billion years ago. But, even more than astro-physics, I hate astro-physicists. For the most part they are arrogant, pretentious wankers who think they know more about everything than you. They honestly think that they are contributing to society when all they seem to do is sit around and bicker over the definition of a ‘planet’. Yes, there are some important things to be discovered in space, but we don’t need more than say … 10 astro-physicists in the world thinking about it. There isn’t enough ego in the world to be split among them so they all have to pass around the collective ego at conventions and things.

Oh well, this is just one more thing in a long series of actions that has caused my ire to ruffle at astro-physicists. I am sure it won’t be the last thing either.

Katkat gave me a query. She wanted to know the difference between baking powder and baking soda. This is the simple answer: baking powder is a mixture of baking soda and other elements and baking soda is a pure substance.

But, let me expound upon this subject. Enter Tom Dolby:

I can smell the chemicals -
blinding me with science - science!
Science!
Science!

Ahem… as I was saying, or typing rather.

Baking soda is (usually) Sodium Bicarbonate. When mixed with an acid, it releases carbon dioxide and thus causes thing to rise all purdy-like. The most common acids used for activating the Baking Soda are vinegar or lemon. It may be something you don’t think of as an acid like buttermilk or even soured milk. Some sneaky ninja acids include honey, molasses, or cream of tartar which is a dry acid.

NaHCO₃ -- Chemical make up of Sodium Bicarbonate

Baking powder, on the other hand, has baking soda in it, but it also has am inert base and acid in it; generally something dry. It’s like baking soda with filler. (Of course, it works very differently as you don’t usually need to add another acid to your recipe to activate it!) Baking powder usually has Sodium Bicarbonate, tartaric acid and cornstarch in it. When you add it to wet ingredients the acid and Sodium Bicarbonate activate to release the gas.

You can make your own baking Powder if you have Baking Soda and the appropriate ingredients!

Make your own baking powder:

For each teaspoon of baking powder you need, mix

½ tsp cream of tartar
¼ tsp baking soda
¼ tsp cornstarch

It’s best not to store the baking powder for long periods of time as eventually the acid and sodium bicarbonate mix releasing the gas at a slow rate. With store bought baking powder, it’s best to use it within a few months or else it becomes basically worthless.

The insane things I learn on the way to work in the morning while listening to NPR and daydreaming

• The stuff airport security confiscates gets sold on eBay. So, if your swiss army knife got jacked from you, you can buy it back if you search long enough on the eBay.
• Cellulite is a fact of life. 85% of women have it.
• Pluto is still a planet. Charon will also be a planet. We might also get another planet Ceres between Mars and Jupiter along with whatever the fuck they decide to name UB313. It better not be Xena because well… bleh. At least give it the name of a real Goddess, not a TV one.
• Canadians let people have day long “breaks” from jail; including murderers who often murder again during their rest from incarceration. This confirms the fact that Canadians are insane.
• I won $200. It made me happy. This leads me to believe that spontaneous money makes me happy. Or perhaps I just like winning, but I think I’m going to go with the money. I will use half of this money to play soccer. it will be good.

(Yes, this is a pagan reference for those of you into that sort of thing.)

Well...I have a wonderful recipe for a three fold chocolate cake. (I’m told it is rather tasty and it is Vegan! Double bonus! Just for you Binary Blonde.)

I am giving the recipe I use for it I make it into a three layer cake so this recipe is tripled. You can also make it in small individual sized cakes. (For Sabbaths I usually shape it into a triple moon in honor of the Goddess, birth, life and death). Cocoa, in some native cultures, is said to boost fertility, bring prosperity, help in verbalization, creativity, and represents the joy of living.

Cocoa was traditionally eaten without sweeteners and while this recipe does use sugar, it’s not overly sweet like many recipes because it uses straight cocoa powder instead of semi-sweet bakers chocolate. This enhances the cocoa flavor and really helps the cocoa and vanilla flavors blend into one.

Ingredients:

4 1/2 cups flour
3 cups sugar
9 tablespoons cocoa
3 teaspoons baking soda
1/2 teaspoons salt
12 tablespoons vegetable oil
3 teaspoons vanilla
3 tablespoons vinegar
3 cups cold water

1) Preheat oven to 350°F.
2) Mix dry ingredients together.
3) Make three indentations in the dry ingredients, to one add the oil, to one add the vinegar and the other add the vanilla. Mix for three minutes.
4) Slowly stir in the water. Continue to stir for three more minutes.
5) Pour even amount into three 9 inch round pans (make sure the pans are greased and floured so the cake won’t stick).
6) Bake in the oven for 30 minutes or until toothpick comes out clean.

lately, my life has been full of coincidence. I talk abut things and then they suddenly appear in my life out of the blue.

Today I was reading Cowboy Bebop manga on a total whim. Then, as I was reading through the fourth volume a friend of mine IMs me and asks about the jazz from the TV show. Wierd, but probably coincidence.

At least I would think that, but today I have been on the fucking ball with shit. All day I was answering questions before they were asked. And not just talking, but actually answering questions people had. The people who were sitting next to me. They would turn and look at me and say,"I was just going to ask you that."

Yesterday my carpool buddy and I were driving home. We generally drive in silence with sparce conversation.Neither of us talk when we have nothing to say and that is nice. Then I say, "School starts Next week. Traffic will get worse." He turns and looks at me and says, "I was just wondering when school started again." But, he is a libra and we libras have wierd connections with each other like that.

But all day and really all week, I have been precognitive. Sometimes it's small things like "I'd really like to hear _____ on the radio." Then it plays next. Or "I should call Sparky" and he calls me about 30 seconds after I think it. It's the small things really.

Anyway... meh. This sounds trivial I know. But there have been lots of things and I'm not expressing ymself well. I am having a bad word day. My words are more entropic than normal. I apologize.

Best Non-Fiction writing …

It’s mind boggling to me. I wasn’t expecting to get nominated for anything during the Blogathon. Heck, I won like 3 contests without even really trying during the whole thing. Sometime within the next month I’ll be receiving a kosher cook book, a notebook and a CD; along with a box set DVD (News Radio Season 3) that I got for my husband’s birthday from Amazon thanks to Binary Blonde. But getting nominated is just … well, unexpected, especially for the category.

I’ll be the first one to admit, I wasn’t shooting for a nomination because I didn’t think I was writing anything worth nominating. Much less for Non-Fiction Writing. I think maybe if there had been a category for humor that would have been more appropriate because much of what I wrote was a farce. I mean “If I only had a Stick”? “Top Five fake Steven Segal Movies”? “Five ways to destroy cubicle ninjas?” “Top five reasons not to be eaten by a Shark”? Now, I admit, some of the lists were realistic and about me and thus non-fiction, but many were semi-satirical. If anyone needs to be mocked, it is most definitely me. For fuck’s sake, I go by the handle “Utopia”. Think about that for a moment beyond the name and perhaps you’ll see the irony of it.

Honestly, I’m not expecting to win anything. I’m up against Woolgathering, Indian Summer, Becks and Posh, and How Animals Save Us. My money is on How Animals Save Us. People love sentimental stuff that touches and pulls the heart strings. I do everything in my power to not touch the hearts of others unless it is to make them laugh at my dry, dark humor. If I do happen to put warm squishy feelings into other’s hearts, it is pure fluke. I swear. I hate people. No one ever believes me, but it’s true.

Of course, How Animals Save Us seems to have been set up solely for the Blogathon and hence probably won’t get read or scribbled in again. Then I am up against two Brits and a fellow desert person. Woolgathering is thrilled at the nomination and such excitement usually garners support. Becks and Posh is talking about garlic and Champagne. How can I compete with that? Cubicle ninjas are not as awesome as garlic.

Overall, I am glad I participated in the ‘thon. I wish I had been able to raise a little more money, but I think for a first timer, I did pretty dang good. Maybe I will try harder next year. I’m not good at asking people for money, even for charity. It’s something my parents instilled in me: Never ask for money. So, trying to bang together the metaphorical pots and pans to get money from people really goes against my grain.

Okay, enough of blogathon blather. Let us end today with something better. How many times I can use some form of Mother and Fuck in combination? Let’s see…

Mothah fuckin’ snakes on a mothah fuckin’ plane.

This is Samuel L with a tazer. At least I think that’s a tazer he’s got. Tazer the motha’ fuckah!

God damn. I want to see this movie. I don’t care. How could it possibly be bad? It tells you up front what it is about. Snakes on a fuckin’ plane. The only way it might be more awesome is if it was Zombie Snakes on a Plane. (But we shall leave that to Troma.) It has Samuel L with a fuckin’ tazer. (You can’t fire a gun on a plane unless you have a death wish Motha’ Fuckah. Samuel L is far too cool to have a death wish.) Samuel L might tazer a snake. Fucken A’, that kicks ass. Also, think of all the porn movies that this will spawn. I mean you wouldn’t even have to change the name for a porn flick. Motha’ Fuckin’ Snakes on a Plane Bitch! Plus, you know you bad ass when you don’t give a fuck about doing a movie called Snakes on a Plane. Samuel L is on bad ass Motha’ Fuckah because he wanted it to be called Snakes on a Motha’ Fucken Plane. He is the only man cool enough in our generation to play motha’ fucken Shaft. Remember that. He is one bad motha’.

My bets:
Samuel L vs Snakes………………..Sam ahead by 10 points in the last quarter.
Samuel L vs Plane…………………..Sam ahead of plane by 3 points on a stunning power play in the final minute or possibly overtime.

The cubicle ninjas are sneaky bastards. Lately they have been going to every computer in QC and resetting the Add-Ins and References for Excel. They seem to do this every single, fucking day. Every day I have to go over to QC and add back in the proper settings and hunt around for the proper references to make sure the coded macros I wrote work in their version of Excel.

This is definitely psychological warfare. I know the QC people don’t change them because they don’t know how. I don’t bloody well go in there and change them so I have to go over every day and set them back. This leaves only the cubicle ninjas. Only the cubicle ninjas would be nefarious enough to waste my time, QC’s time and production’s time in this manner by mucking up the computer settings in Excel. There is simply no other explanation. The cubicle ninjas of course do this because they know that QC will need that spreadsheet every time I’m either in a meeting or really fucking busy on either lab work or data crunching of my own. They do this because they know it angers me every single time I have to go over there are reset things to how they were. They laugh at me every time I have to spend 5 -15 minutes hunting down the proper settings on each of the six computer in QC.

Damn you cubicle ninjas. You win this round. We’ll battle again tomorrow, mark my words.

Well, Yesterday I was live on Mango Radio filling in for Chaos Radio. Yes, I am still a dj on Mango Radio. A surprise I know, but it's true. I even have two shows a week. Sunday at 9 and Wednesday at 7. both in the PM.

Anyway, like I said before, I did a show last night (saturday) filling in. Rissah tuned in. Rissah is officially the only person who heard the show or will hear it. Ever.

Why you ask?

Utopia is a dumbass who forgot to record the show.

This is for the best. believe me. It was probably the worst show ever. jeckles thinks his shows are shitty, but, believe you me, this one was crap-tabulous. It's best that it shall never taint the ears of other listeners.

Anyway, tonight you will hear Utopia again for her regularly scheduled show. I will record it. I promise.

What can you expect tonight?

* Blogathon talk
* More talk about the Utopia Minion Contest
* Dragon Con countdown and useless blather about that geek festivus.
* Adventures with ym water cooler
* Utopia gets new music, hence she'll play new music.

Hopefully it will be better than Saturday. If it's not, then we can all just weep right now.

Will anyone tune in to Mango Radio to hear me? Maybe one or two people. That's really all I hope for these days. It's alright. I know one day, I will be popular. Or at least I won't suck as bad.

Well, I was a bit bored and incredibly out of it tonight, so I thought I would make myself a winner. What am I the winner of? Meh, doesn't matter, all I know is that I'm not a loser.

Are you a winner? Do you want to be?

Well, if you do, you too can have this wicked awesome winner banner for you page.

Just get this image (please don't link to me, only twats and assholes link through other people for images) and copy this code into your template somewhere.

< div style="float:right; position:absolute; top:0px; right:0px;">
< img src="http://yoururlhere.com/winnerbanner.gif" border="0" style="width:150;height:150;" />
< /div>

I am not one of the cool kids.

I know it’s hard to believe, but it’s true. I’m not cool.

Most people do not consider ill-tempered people like myself cool. Most people do not understand my dark, dry sense of humor nor do they understand half the words that fall out of my mouth. But I don’t give a fuck; I’m not here to entertain people. I’m not a movie star. I’m not a rock star. Heck, I’m not even internet famous like Wil Wheaton or Heroine Girl or Nolff or Mango.

I also don’t care that I’m not cool. I’ve never been cool (except maybe for a brief stint in college … but I went to a Science and Engineering school, cool was subjective). I have no fashion sense and I don’t especially care to acquire any. I know what I like and I’m good with that. I’m good with myself. It took me a long(ish) time to be good with that. But, I’m 26 and I am good with who I am.

I don’t really belong to any cliques. Well… I suppose the Shitty Blogs Club is sort of a clique except that we let anybody in. (Unless you are a complete and total douche … like some people at BE, whom I suspect are something akin to a castrati… or cheerleaders.) I even slightly participate in the SBC. I do the silly blog games and occasionally meander around the forum. But once again, I wouldn’t consider the SBC a clique or even really a group. We’re not a group who would go to bat for each other because we’re shitty and we don’t care. And, I think most people just signed up to get on another blogroll.

I’m also in the Mango Radio group. I’m not sure if that’s really a clique though… we all seem to hover on the outskirts of the Radio not really becoming a circle… just a bunch of random people flopping about wildly in the ocean of internet. Mango Radio doesn’t have an “inner circle” because no one want to make up said circle. We’re outcasts and loners and we all have our own thing. I think that’s why I stick around. That, and I like doing my podcast. For all that I complain about it, I enjoy it. And I don’t give a fuck what other people think about my show. None of the dj’s really care. We do our own thing. If I could say there was a group of people I like on the internet, it would be those guys. I like them because they are good with who they are and they do their own thing. And I don’t care if they like me and they don’t care if I like them.

This doesn’t mean that I don’t try new things. I like new things. New music, new food, new gadgets (I love gadgets), new movies … I like new things. I like trying them out and seeing what the fuss is about. New things help me to keep in touch with the real world out there. It also takes my mind off numbers and the insanity that generally burbles around in my head.

Oh… and I don’t care what anybody thinks … Batman Boots rock my world. I would wear them with anything or nothing at all and I would be cool. I can sense it. Here are more pictures of the awesomeness of those Boots.

There are some people who move to the desert who get no sympathy from me. They do stupid things and do not understand the ways of the desert, nor do they seem to learn. These people should be laughed at.

They are people who do stupid things like:

1.) Buy a house in a flood plain thinking that it's okay because it is the desert and it won't rain enough there for their house to flood. Dumbasses. It's a flood plain. This is where water drains to in the desert because the ground can't absorb it fast enough.

2.) People who see the signs on underpasses that say the water is at five feet, yet they try to drive through anyway. You fucktards. If the water says it's five fucking feet high, it is five fucking feet high. When ever it rains and floods, you always see news footage of at least one asshat sitting on the roof of their truck because they tried to drive through the wash they knew was flooded.

3.) People who think it is a good idea to swim in the arroyos or washes. This water moves fucken fast and it has lots of nasty shit in it (usually literally). Don't swim in it, it's nasty and you'll probably get sick or drown.

These people get no sympathy from me. They do not embrace the ways of the desert and the desert beats them. I love my desert and it makes me happy when it wins over stupid people.