5. Sneak into their ranks, find their leader and take over destroying them from the inside.

4. Set out small traps in the forms of pens and “good” coffee. When they steal said objects to cause you misery, the traps will spring, poisoning them into a slow painful death.

3. Vent gas into the central cooling system on an early Saturday morning. Chance are, the cubicle ninjas are there fucking everything up so when you get in on Monday, the workplace is in complete chaos. Those who are not Cubicle Ninjas and show up on Saturday will be praised as martyrs for the cause. I’m sure they will understand when the ninjas are dead and no other soul will have to suffer their fate and come in on a Saturday.

2. Hire a body double to take your place. This body double will know 12 forms of martial arts and therefore be able to defeat the cubicle ninjas when they appear.

1. Offer free lunch to people. Cubicle ninjas always show up first in the form of workers. They also go first in line, taking all the tasty morsels for themselves leaving nothing but chip crumbles and fruit salad for the innocent and righteous worker. Anyway, offer free lunch and poison all the tasty morsels with high powered laxatives. The Cubicle ninjas will be the ones to eat it and all are forced into the restroom for the rest of the day. While this may not cause them death, they’ll know you’re not one to trifle with and be more wary when trying to weaken your spirit.

Posted by Utopia at July 29, 2006 05:30 PM

Comments

Posted by: jeckles at July 29, 2006 05:36 PM

Posted by: khouria jen at July 29, 2006 05:49 PM

Posted by: Pippy at August 3, 2006 03:03 PM

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