I am trying to think back to when I took on the persona of Utopia. I think the persona first peeked out in the summer before my sophomore year of High School. That was the year I joined my first band. I was the bass player and the song composer. I wrote such horrible (and sophomoric) lyrics as:

Death is coming from behind
Take that gamble one more time.
Russian Roulette with a loaded gun
Someone’s going to lose.
May not be today
May not be tomorrow
May not be some day,
But it’s happened before.

For the summer I composed music and lyrics. It took me about an hour to write a song along with the music. This is something I now realize as being foolish, bu I improved as I expanded my musical listening. This was the peek of angsty grunge and I was heavily influence by such things. Then I started listening to industrial and wrote the song Abstract Utopia. It was an industrial grunge piece. In my head I envisioned it as industrial piece; unfortunately, no one in the band had or knew how to work a mixer. So, the song became a grunge cover of my industrial vision of it. (Both versions had a wicked cool bass line … and thinking back on it I think I was heavily influenced by The Sisters of Mercy with Lucretia my Reflection.)

Anyway, that is the first time I took on the persona of Utopia; more specifically Abstract Utopia.

The band broke up when school started. And my Utopia persona faded back into the mousy dork that avoided people. Now, if any of you were “the smart kid” in school, you know why it is best to just fade into the background. This lessens the mockery.

This was also the year I started Jazz Band. Occasionally during jazz performances, Utopia came back out. I made several good friends in jazz and it was on traveling trips with these people that I was Utopia once again. We’d sit around and listen to Pantera, NIN, KMFDM, Pearl Jam and other assorted listening pleasures. I got a chance to be me without the restraint that I normally showed. My mouth ran off like a fucking sailor and it was okay with these people. (At least those that were my friends in the jazz band.) Ironically, one of the guys I was friends with then is not a Methodist Minister. Another is a psychologist who works for Yamaha (the music company, not the motorcycle company). The last couple I have no clue.

After I graduated, Utopia faded away once again. I joined jazz band in college, but I went to a Science and Engineering school. I say this only because there was no art majoring at my school and no humanity majoring. Needless to say, the jazz band was worse than a bunch of elementary kids with recorders trying to play Beethoven. It was so bad, that I couldn’t play in it. Literally. No one could hold the beat or the tune. So, I played in rhythm, in tune, right where I should be, but there was nothing else. It’s very hard to play “In the Mood” when you’re the only one playing it and you play bass.

So, Utopia faded away.

Then I discovered the internet. New groups, Forums, chatting, IM’s, etc. The first thing you do when exploring the internet is take on a name. It was then I became Abstract Utopia again. That was in 1997. Since then I’ve plastered Abstract Utopia and Utopia all over the web.

And this is how I came to be the Utopia you all know and love. I’ve always thought Utopia would be a great name. A real name, one on a Driver’s License. My actual name is common and dull and it doesn’t really suit me. Most people don’t actually use my name when they talk to me. I’ve become “Hey you” at best (similar to Hey Zeus) and nothing at worst.

I think names are a powerful thing. They show who and what you are. The internet has allowed a lot of people to express that true self. We all take on our pen name and go at it.

So, I am Utopia. I am not perfect despite the connotation of the name. But, Utopia is the perfect persona for me.

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Posted by Utopia at July 13, 2006 08:31 AM

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