For the record, the first thing I actually did after the blogathon was take a shower. I was rank. Maybe not stinky per say, but I felt gross. I'm pretty sure caffeine was leaking out of my skin.

After my shower, I stretched out on the bed in my office and watched a couple episodes out of a Japanese Drama called FIVE. It's about five fucked up girls who become spies of a sort. It's silly. Not as good as Trick, but still okay.

After that, my husband woke up and we tlaked some. Then he read all my entries and said I was cool. After that we ate egg sandwiches and watched some PBS. It was a nature show about elephants,. After that there was something on about the Forest Service that was interesting. Then there was something about some random chateau in Canada I didn't care about and never heard of, but was apparently very famous. Who knew, right?

I drifted in a half sleep through ths show. You know the kind of sleep where you still hre everything and can respond to questions and queries but you aren't really all awake? Yeah, one of those sleeps.

There was more PBS and eventually I got bored of being awake and finally turned in around 9.

I was broken at work today. Very very broken. Luckily I had some mindless work to do. This is probably a good thing since if I had to do any thinking today it would have been pointless.

Anyway, I did nothing that was on my list because I suck.

If only I had a stick.

Top five lists are harder than they first appear. I have some favorites. I liked my list about Steven Segal. No one else did though. Maybe jeckles. I liked my Cubicle ninjas post. I also liked the "If I only had a Stick" post. I would have never thought of that.

People I want to thank:

WebKittyn – She multi-tasked like a true champ. Gooooood Juju and bagels to you. I wouldn't be doing this without her because I wouldn't have known about it. I decided last year to do this because she did it. You Rock WebKittyn!
Binary Blonde – She toughed it out in the Mango Radio Chat room. I won a prize too!
jeckles – a steady commenter who helped me want to continue posting.
Khouria jen – My moderator. yes, I know my blog is a hard read. She read it anyway. You rock.
Rissah – Her show helped me through the really hard hours of the 'thon.
Steven RK – He may be on the Sabbath schedule, but he was there in the tough hours.
All the organizers – Awesome. just awesome.
My sponsors – You didn't have to, but you did.
Everyone who left a Comment – You guys helped me through it. I looked forward to each and every comment. They made me happy.

All other 'thoners who finished 24 hours - You Fucking Rock!

A blog is all about being a bit self-centered. It would be against the spirit of blogging if I didn't end my Top fives with something completely trumpet blowing.

5. 24 fuckin hours. Powered by hats, rage and coffee.

4. I raised money for Special Olympics.

3. I took many pictures and actually posted them. most of the pictures were shitty, but I did it.

2. I managed to multi task with a radio show, Mango Autism blog and regular blog for 3.5 hours. This is not as easy as it sounds. Two blogs and a radio show with talking and music.

1. I found nifty blogs and posted comments on them. I also donated money to blogs with worthy causes. I didn't know the people, but I did it anyway. It's lame to do it only for the blogathon, but I did it. Maybe I'll get in a habit of choosing a charity every other month and giving them money or time. That would be cool.

One more post. Just one more. It is planned. It is done. There is linky love.

5. I hate people. Blogging only reminds me how much I hate them.

4. I think I forgot how to type and spell about 4 hours ago. Thank the gods for spellchecker.

3. The letters are jittering. It's going to take some therapy to get over that one.

2. I don't think I have anything left to say. I ran out of words. I used them all up.

1. My cat doesn't approve and my hat of power is slowly giving out on me.

These last three top fives are the only three I had planned time slots for. Wow! We're almost done. Come on people! We can do it.

5. Turn off my computer and walk away. I need to walk away. I think my fingers have fused to my keyboard.

4. Go on a giddy rampage of thanking people … with hugs. Everyone will be so frightened they will have me put into a place with nice soft walls.

3. Detox from excess caffeine intake

2. Eat chicken fried steaks and eggs – As much as I hate the south, southern breakfast rules.

1. Sleep? Maybe... I don't know. Maybe just stop twitching. I think that's like sleep.

5. Arg! My term paper! You little shitten!

4. You little Rat bitch! I know it was you!

3. Don't look at me like that… no… no… damn it. I am not the pet here.

2. No soft food! No! Damn it! That's my sandwich!

1. If you had opposable thumbs I'd make you clean this!

5. Another planet where some ancient civilization has gone extinct so I don't need to be near people ever, ever again. But All of the stuff of that Ancient Civilization is still there and I can live in luxury with my cats and husband.

4. Ancient Greece. One word: Olives.

3. Ancient Sumer. I would want to be a student of Enheduanna. Man, that would rock. Don't know who that is? Google it.

2. The Distant future. I would leave all my money in my back account right now, then claim it in a couple thousand years. I would of course use my time/space ability to research banks and make sure I pick one that is still around. I wouldn't cheat on the stocks or anything, I'd just Compound interest.

1. The 1920's in New York City in Harlem. I would love to be a flapper. I would dig on this jazz scene. Man… I would be snazzy. I really would.

I knew this would quickly spiral down the shitter when it got late. My top five lists have stopped being witty or anything resembling amusing. I've gone straight to profanity to amuse my audience. Faaaahck.

5. I don't have enough fashion sense to be a bitch and I don't want enough fashion sense to be one.

4. Being a bitch takes work. Being a cunt is a natural talent.

3. A bitch wants to be liked deep down they just don't like when people disagree with them. A cunt doesn't give a shit.

2. Hatred. A Cunt is powered on Hatred. A bitch is powered on arrogance and egocentricity.

1. A cunt is nothing like a dog rolling over for her alpha male. A cunt rolls over for no one.

5. Bacon (duh, just duh)

4. Provolone cheese. I love provolone on a good sandwich.

3. Tuna Salad. I have a strange weakness for good tuna salad. Unfortunately, most people do not know how to make good tuna salad.

2. Peanut butter. Washington Carver was a fucking genius. Has there ever been something so simple and completely awesome to put on a sandwich? Yes… one thing.

1. Eggs. I love egg sammiches. I would eat them every single day if I could. Probably more than once a day. This versatile sandwich is the king of sandwiches.

5. Testicle breath Dickweed – This one takes me back to third grade when duckweed was my all time favorite insult.

4. Rantallion – Look this one up, it’s cool

3. Schlong sucking trollop

2. Cum guzzler

1. Gin Soaked Schmuck

On a side note. I am a fuckin winner. I am mistress of all things geek. No one ever believes me, but I am.

Check out Binary Blonde.

5. Go to Church. I don’t go to church. Ever. Yes, I am ready for the flack to fly my way on this, but I should state that I am technically Jewish, so going to church in the first place is not really on the menu. I also don’t go to temple. So I am an equal opportunity buildings of faith ditcher.

4. Go to work. I had to work on Sundays before and it sucked a lot. Sure it was an easy puff job, but it was still my lazy day.

3. Leave the house. Sunday is my day to completely vegge out. I don’t want to do anything on Sunday.

2. Go to the hospital. My 17th birthday was on a Sunday. That was also the day my appendix burst. I spent all day in the emergency room until they decided to put me in for surgery at 3am.

1. Die. I don’t especially want to die on a Sunday. It seems a shame to die on my lazy day. I would much prefer to die on a Thursday. Thursday seems like a good day to eat it. I never did get the hang of Thursdays.

This is a list for Shutter. He digs on the Debbie does Dallas music. You're my special firned Captain Shutter.

5. Bimbo Moneybags – Yes, I shamelessly stole this from Exploitation Now!

4. Bridgette Suitelouve - Say it aloud. It’s French.

3. Kelly Fields – I don’t know, it just seems like a good porn name. Who wants to play on her fields baby?

2. Jason Longfellow – I’ll bet he would give Ron Jeremy a run for his money.

1. Stewart Kline – Once again, it just seems like a great porn name.

This is a hobby. The pictures are bad. it's late and I don't care to make them better.

5. Blue Lariat Necklace with matching Earrings

4. Purple Shell and Smokey Quartz Drop Necklace

3. Garnet and Wooden bead necklace and earring set

2. Green Seed bean with Crystal necklace with matching Drop Earrings.

1. Turquise and Smokey Quartz Floating necklace with matching Wire Wrap Earrings

I am a Rocky Horror Stage Show Veteran.

See? ------>

I played Columbia. I prefer Magenta, but I look more the part for Columbia due to my short red hair.

5. " Say! Any of you know how to Madison?"

4. " Emotion: Agitation or disturbance of mind; vehement or excited mental state." It is also a powerful and irrational monster. And from what Magenta and Columbia eagerly viewed on their television monitor, there seemed little doubt that Janet was, indeed... its slave."

3. " This sonic transducer, it is I suppose some kind of audio-vibratory-physio-molecular transport device?"

2. " That elusive ingredient, that... spark that is the breath of life... yes I have that knowledge! I hold the key to life... ITSELF!"

1. " I'm just a sweet transvestite, from Transsexual Transylvania."

5. Stonehenge

4. Great Pyramids

3. Easter Island

2. Zion National Park - Okay, i've been here and it's awesome, but i'd like to go back despite the fact that it is in Utah.

1. Theotihuacán

This is Crash's suggestion. Go Crash go! I need more suggestions. I do.

This is a green chili breakfast burrito. if you have never had one, you are missing out. It's like ambrosia. Sweet, sweet ambrosia. Eat it without cheese if you're kosher.

5. The speed limit is 75 just about everywhere. This means it is actually about 90 or 100. people fly down the highways because you can go 200 miles without seeing a cop and those little radar detectors are legal there.

4. Hot springs. There are tons of hot springs around.

3. If you like explosives and nuclear physics there is no other place to be.

2. Most of New Mexico is a no fly zone.

1. Green fucking Chili Breakfast burritos. In the south they ask sweet or unsweet. In New Mexico they ask red or green. Fucken Awesome.

5. They give money to the Special Olympics. This is a great cause. It's also one i am personally attached to, though my sponsors aren't. This means they're giving money because it means something to me and not to them. That rocks.

4. They donated money to me staying up for 24 hours without ever actually having met me. Wow. just wow.

3. Most people didn't even expect a return sponsorship. They're doing it out of kindness. They have hearts.

2. They're Sponsoring my local Charity even though they don't live here. They want to do it because it is charity.

1. They are helping these people:

5. As a collective unit, they are stupid.

4. They never fail to do something that makes my eye twitch with rage. Something stupid. Like let their 3 month old child cry in the theater. or do nothing but text message next to me while I'm watching Pirates 2. Fuckers.

3. In general, they pass the blame. When they pass it, they pass it to you. No one wants to take responsibility.

2. They choose to be ignorant. We live in an age where information is readily available at the tips of your fingers and still people choose to be ignorant. It's infuriating.

1. When having a bad day, people will, without fail, make it 12 times worse than it already is. Few people can read others well enough to know when to back the fuck off. I am convinced that the sole purpose of people is to annoy me. just me. It's like they know I hate them and they go above and beyond the call of duty to just reinforce that trait.

5. Look Pensive and rub your forehead. people will think you're really busy. The eyebrow furrow is always a good touch. If you really want to look busy, purse you lips when people walk by.

4. Play Sudoku in Excel. You look like you're working. Honest.

3. Tap your pencil on a notebook with some equations on it. have a few books open around you. You're daydreaming, but you look busy.

2. Walk around with lots of papers in your hand. Preferably papers in a manila folder.

1. Do battle with the cubicle ninjas. Wave your coffee cup dramatically as you don you pirate eye-patch and bandana. be sure to use you paperclips and pencils as projectiles when doing battle with the cubicle ninjas.

5. You’re actually sick.

4. You stayed up way too late Wednesday night because you were hopped up on coffee while playing video games you just “had to make it to the next level” on.

3. You went to the opening of Revenge of the Sith at Midnight and then didn’t get home until almost 3:20 in the am.

2. I never did get the hang of Thursdays.

1. You hate people and the thought of seeing one on a Thursday makes you want to ram your head through your computer monitor.

People! I need more Top Five lists.

Seriously. I don't have enough. The remaining lists I ahve aren't all that amusing. help me. Give me ideas. I know there must be something you want to see a top five list for.

I can try to be witty. Maybe even amusing.

If I'm very lucky, I might even make you laughs aloud. Probably not, but maybe if it gets late enough I will. Things seem funnier at 3 am.

5. Death.

4. Have someone stand behind you with a rail gun. You may die from the impact, but you'll reach escape velocity.

3. Go to the Trinity Site. Absorb radiation. (Don't get caught by the military… you have to be sneaky.) Become a mutant and use your new mutant powers to escape.

2. Go to the dead center of the state. Realize that there is NOTHING there and implode. Use said energy to accelerate your mass forward and reach escape velocity.

1. Trebuchet. We built two of them in physics club. I'm pretty sure I could reach escape velocity with one of those fuckers.

5. Two great big giant dragons spiraled around a beer can. This was bad. Either I wasn't redneck enough to appreciate it, or my metaphorical dick is too small.

4. "I love Peanuts" Not the comic, the nut. This shirt was mind-bogglingly lame. It was also pink.

3. A neon pink and green shirt with a puffy unicorn on it. The shirt was a size large which means it wasn't meant for a child.

2. "I had a nightmare I was a brunette" Fucking Ambercrombie and Finch. Fuck you. I can't believe people buy these shirts. Why do people have to be so fucking dumb? They aren't funny, they're just stupid. it's because of shits like this that I hate most women. Fuck. Just Fuck.

1. Any shirt that says "Pimp", "Diva", "Tramp" etc. Grow the fuck up and learn English. It's not cool to be these things. It's not glamorous.

5. Boots. Everyone had cool boots.

4. My Chuppah was tye-dyed

3. Saguaro fruit margaritas and Sangria were the drink of choice. Said drinks went perfectly with the swing music.

2. Old Tucson Studios. I was surrounded by an atmosphere of old west awesome. I can honestly say I stood in the same place as John Wayne and rode on the same carriage.

1. Hats. Hats make everything cooler. They are my source of power.

Will Starbucks try to sue me for defacing their logo? Hmm... this could bode badly for Utopia. Of course, it's not like I have money to give them as I'm giving it all to you bloggers out there.

Utopia is an Anarchist! Rawr! I deface corporate logos. Fear me! next thing you know, I'll be thrashing to punk music.

5. They are union breakers. Fuckers. People go ape shit over Wal-mart doing this shit to people, yet they walk down the road and buy coffee. So, it's okay for them to fuck over baristas? Explain the logic to me? Which is more of an evil empire? Starbucks or Wal-Mart? They're doing the same fucking things to their workers and competitors.

4. Who needs to pay 4 fucken dollars for a cup of coffee?

3. I hate made up coffee drinks for people who don't like coffee. When I drink coffee I want it to taste like fucking coffee.

2. It's Small, medium and large fuckers. Say it with me: Small, Medium and Large.

1. Their coffee is greasy and gross. You can see the shine of grease on the top of every cup. That's nasty. Yech. it leaves a funk in my mouth that is akin to pond scum. Starbucks has pond scum on the top. EEEEEWWWWW!

5.
I like to read Blogs.
Not my Blog because it sucks.
This haiku is proof.

4.
Blogathon is here.
I am posting top five lists.
I wish they were cool.

3.
Sponsors rock my world.
You should sponsor cool bloggers.
This is super cool.

2.
Special Olympics
Needs sponsorships. Give Money
And show your support.

1.
I wish I was cool
Or even better: witty.
But I am failing.

5. We are the only sign of the zodiac not represented by something alive. Does this mean we are cold mothahfuckahs? Maybe, I prefer to think of it as mysanthropic.

4. We are like water, taking the path of least resistance except when pissed.

3. Our birthstone is the Opal and Opals are awesome.

2. Beauty and balance baby. Beauty and balance.

1. We have mind powers, seriously. We can read each others thoughts. We just know things.

Regulars of the Utopia realm know that I went to Alabama for the Antiqu's Roadshow. I like that show I wanted to go because I thought it would be amusing. It was in Mobile. It sucked. The show was fun, everything else sucked. A lot.

The state "saying" is Stars Fell on Alabama. Here are the top five reasons why this must be the case.

5. The place is a pit. When the stars fell, it left a crater than was formed into Alabama.

4. No people could collectively drive that badly unless they were all suffering from a mass concussion. Thus, when the stars fell, everyone was knocked for a loop.

3. I'm fairly certain most people there were pod people. When the stars fell on Alabama, it brought with it crazy aliens that are hell bent on taking over the state.

2. The air smelled vaguely like sulfur. the low burning of sulfur. This of course could only be caused by stars falling through the atmosphere making it smell of burning.

1. The roads are terrible. I've never seen so many potholes in my life. They are worse than they were in New Mexico and New Mexico is a third world nation. Seriously. Stars falling and ruining the streets it the only explanation for this.

5. Torn Hamstring. I tore my hamstring my senior year of high school running track. I blame our new track coach. He had all the sprinters running distance for the first 3 weeks, then suddenly had us all switch to sprints. This strained the muscles of half the varsity squad.

4. Black eye. I was playing t-ball as a kid and got smack directly in the eye. I had a black eye for a month and a half. I had to wait 2 weeks for the swelling to go down enough so the doctor could look at it and make sure I hadn’t damaged the eye.

3. Skinless shin. I was playing roller hockey on a tennis court. Tennis courts are akin to sandpaper when you fall down moving forward at a good clip. I removed several layers of skin from my right shin. It was icky and pussy and wouldn’t heal over for a while. This one left a cool scar for about a year.

2. Knocked myself retarded playing soccer. I kicked the ball as hard as I could into someone else who kicked it back into my face. I did a prat fall backwards. After a minute or so when I regained consciousness I was crawling around on the ground because I thought I had knocked my eye out, so I was searching the grass for my eye. I was seriously knocked dumb from that one.

1. Busted Knee from indoor soccer. I fell, busted my knee, got surgery. I have a cool scar. Scars rule. See this linky link for my cool scar.

Gads, I'm fucking hungry. I need some food. My house Husband said he would be home for dinner to help with that. But he lied. now I'm depressed and hungry and need to go make food and hope I can multi-task like a pro.

5. Eggplant Casserole
Ingredients: 1 eggplant cubed, 2 cups fresh bread cubed, 2 eggs, 1 cup cheese shredded, ½ cup milk

Directions: 1. Lightly steam the eggplant until it is soft.
2. In a large casserole dish, mix eggplant with bread cubes.
3. Mix together eggs, milk and cheese.
4. Pour mixture over eggplant and bread. Mix well.
5. Cook for 30mins at 350°F. You can sprinkle the top with a hard cheese if you like. I use parmesano-romano.

4. Chili Quiche
Ingredients: 6 eggs, 1 cup milk, 1 cup cheese, 2 large green chilies chopped, 1 pie shell

Directions: 1. Mix everything together in a bowl.
2. Pour into a pie crust.
3. Bake at 350°F for 30-60 minutes.

3. Challah – Bread. I love bread. But too complicated to post in a few lines. I will DEFINITELY post this one later in the week. I promise. If I don't, you may flog me.

2. Caesar Salad Dressing.
Ingredients: 1 tsp. salt, 3 eggs, 3/4 tsp. dry mustard, 3 tsp. lemon juice, 1 tblsp. Parmesan cheese, 6 tsp. wine vinegar, 1 c. plus 2 tbsp. oil, 6 drops Worcestershire sauce, 3 tbsp. olive oil, 2 tsp. black pepper

Directions: Whisk everything together in a large bowl and refrigerate.

1. Flan - This is too complicated to explain in a few lines. Maybe I'll post a real recipe later on. I love flan. it is the only sweet thing that I can eat by the truckload.

5. Go and get box seats to a really cool concert. Those little bastard tickets usually cost upwards of $700 each.

4. Sushi. Have you ever blown $200 on sushi? I have. Now imagine doing that several times in one week.

3. Rent, Bills and Food. When all is said and done, you really don’t have anything to show for this, but it is strangely satisfying to pay for them all.

2. Vacation. Take a week long vacation somewhere by the beach. Stay in a hotel and do nothing but relax. Sure, it wastes a lot of money, but it feels fucking great.

1. Donate it all to your favorite charity. Sure you don’t get anything for this, but you get a good helping of positive karma. (Or sponsor someone who is awesome. Nudge Nudge wink wink, know what I mean?)

We have to go both ways. I'm a Libra, I'm into balance. And Duality. And all that good stuff.

Speaking of balance and duality ... this is something completely differnet. this is a plug for another Blogathoner! Yay blogathon!

Go and check out The Ice Palace. She is cool. Leave commments and help this 'thoner out. Comments make people happy.

5. Instead of sucking for air at the end, you bask in a pleasant afterglow while laying down.

4. You don't have to leave the comfort of your sheets if you don't want to.

3. You don't have to worry about cleaning grass (and possibly blood) stains out of your shorts.

2. You don't have to worry as much about someone headbutting you in the chest. (Yes, cheap shot at Zidane.)

1. You can have sex anytime you want. You can't play soccer in the dark, nor in the rain, or if there is lightning. Sex doesn't have those limitations.

5. You can roll around on the grass and have something to show for it if you’re lucky … like a good ball.

4. If you hit someone with your balls, it’s more likely to hurt them rather than yourself.

3. It’s 90 minutes of sweaty fun.

2. It’s acceptable in the heat of passion to call people you’re playing with very foul names and you generally won’t get in trouble for it.

1. It’s graceful violence. Like football, but with finesse and less padding. Unlike sex, it generally doesn’t involve whips and chains.

5. Sneak into their ranks, find their leader and take over destroying them from the inside.

4. Set out small traps in the forms of pens and “good” coffee. When they steal said objects to cause you misery, the traps will spring, poisoning them into a slow painful death.

3. Vent gas into the central cooling system on an early Saturday morning. Chance are, the cubicle ninjas are there fucking everything up so when you get in on Monday, the workplace is in complete chaos. Those who are not Cubicle Ninjas and show up on Saturday will be praised as martyrs for the cause. I’m sure they will understand when the ninjas are dead and no other soul will have to suffer their fate and come in on a Saturday.

2. Hire a body double to take your place. This body double will know 12 forms of martial arts and therefore be able to defeat the cubicle ninjas when they appear.

1. Offer free lunch to people. Cubicle ninjas always show up first in the form of workers. They also go first in line, taking all the tasty morsels for themselves leaving nothing but chip crumbles and fruit salad for the innocent and righteous worker. Anyway, offer free lunch and poison all the tasty morsels with high powered laxatives. The Cubicle ninjas will be the ones to eat it and all are forced into the restroom for the rest of the day. While this may not cause them death, they’ll know you’re not one to trifle with and be more wary when trying to weaken your spirit.

I podcast with Mango Radio. in fact, I am on the air right now. You should listen. I am foul mouthed and ill-tempered.

5. Amusing anecdotes never come out sounding as amusing as they are in your head.
4. Even with thousands of stations, you can never find one that plays all the music you like. Even your own.
3. If blogging is self-centered, internet radio takes it a step further.
2. Most internet radio is fucking god awful.
1. I’m talking to my computer while sitting alone in my office. Basically I am talking to myself. Alone. Like a loser.

First, bask in the hot, hot man in the kilt. Let me wipe away my drool for a moment.

I love Ewan McGregor. If he is in a movie, I will watch it. Period. Not only is he hot, he can fucking act. He also loves to get naked in his movies which is a lovely perk. He is popular, but I liked him when he wasn't.

5. Moulin Rouge (I don’t feel shame for this, though I know I should)

4. Trainspotting

3. Pillow Book (Naked!!)

2. Shallow Grave

1. Velvet Goldmine (More Naked!!)

For your enjoyment... more Ewan.

5. Snowball’s Chance in Hell (Stolen from In and Out)

4. Eagle Patriot’s Revenge (anti-terrorism war/kung fu movie with environmental overtones)

3. Wolf of the Sea (this would be a naval themed kung fu movie with environmental overtones)

2. Red Wood Forest (This would be a family movie where Segal takes out a bunch of kids on an environmental retreat to learn about conservation. They discover evil polluting villains and Segal defeats them with his kung fu teaching the kids a valuable lesson in both whoop ass and teamwork.)

1. Walker Texas Ranger is Dead and I Killed him for polluting the Environment

5. Shrimp heads. Yum. Most people find this disturbing because they still have little eyes on them.

4. My grandmother’s matzo balls. They’re frightening. Just trust me on this one. *shudder*

3. Uni – Also known as sea urchin. Tasty, but the texture leaves something to be desires.

2. Bar-B-Que grasshoppers – They’re not that bad really.

1. Raisins. I hate them. I cannot describe how much I hate them. I won’t even eat food that has been in the remote vicinity of a raisin. They make me gag. Seriously. Grapes deprived of dignity.

This is my Coffee press and hot water pot. These are the only things I need to make coffee. No waiting, no filters, no nothing. just my coffee press and my water pot.

If I could, I would give some of my coffee to jeckles. he needs coffee. Everyone go and give him your sympathies for running out of coffee. His coffee mistress has left him.

Find him at http://jeckles.blogsome.com . Show him love. Give him a bit of schwag, booty, cash, bucks. Something. Make him feel better.

As per the request of jeckles.

This one is actually kid of tough. I have to think a little bit instead of just letting ocmeplete crap spill forth frmo my fingertips.

5. I am hiking a trail with evil evil switchbacks. It is very rocky and suddenly I lose my balance and plummet to my doom. "If only I had a stick!!"

4. I find myself lost in the snow (aka white death). I have matches, but alas. I don't have any sticks! I slowly freeze to death. "If only I had a stick!"

3. I am being attacked by man-eating natives deep in the forrest of the Congo. They are attacking me with rocks. I cannot bat away said rocks because I lack a bat or a stick. Nooo! "If only I had a stick!"

2. I am locked in the dungeon of the Evil Overlord of the Cubicle Ninjas. I can see the keys to my cell on the wall across from me. But I cannot reach them for my arms are too short. "If only I had a stick!" Damn you Cubicle ninjas! Damn you!

1. I am walking through some foreign planet. (it could happen dman it) It is known for having pools of acid. Acid sucks as it eats your flesh. Unfortunately it is a treeless planet and there are no sticks. I fall into a pit of acid and die. if only I had known it was acid! "If only I had a stick!"

5. Most of the time they only snack.

4. By being eaten, you have lost your dominance of the food chain.

3. Sharks are repelled by solid sticks. I saw this on PBS. In my last moments I don’t want to be thinking “If only I had a stick.”

2. Sharks are cool and I don’t want to die thinking that they suck.

1. If a shark is eating me, that means I’ve been confused for either a fish or a seal or something equally aquatic. That sucks. I look like neither a fish nor a seal and I am not aquatic. That is an ego blow if I ever heard of one.

I want to say a shout out to a few people who are leaving comments on my blog.

First, jeckles. You rule. It makes me happy when people respond to my posts. It makes me think that maybe I am doing something right. Maybe.

Second, marlena at Empty Lunchbox. her blog is cool. Like me, she embraces her geekiness and i appreciate that. Go check her out. it is worth the read. Look ... she's even on my blogroll now. That takes a bit right there. Because I am too lazy to update my blogroll most of the time.

Another is Caryn at Metafictional Blues. She has a picture of a squirrel. i like Squirrels, they make me oddly happy. They are sproingy.

Check them out.

5. Chili acid on my eyelids. Do not peel fresh habaneros and touch your eyelids. Resist at ALL costs.

4. Appendicitis – This really sucked. it was my birthday and I thought I was going to have all my innards fall out of me.

3. Having all the toe nails ripped off of both feet from having my foot slammed under the door.

2. Swollen Intestines. Fucking hell, this sucks a lot. This is the reason I can't eat rice or drink soda. Those are two things that irritate my intestines and make them swell up. I can't move, can't think, just whimper like a fucking little girl.

1. Knee Reconstruction Surgery. The Surgery recovery hurt more than the actual injury if that is possible.

Here is a picture of my knee and the associated scar.

I make no pretenses about how much I hate people. People, in general, annoy me. A lot. There are times, they make my eye twitch with rage and I visualize stabbing them in the eye with my pen. I cackle gleefully while doing it, then I dance over their backs as they roll around on the round clutching at their face. At least, that's what I do in my head.

5. I might get blood on my shoes.

4. I would probably ruin a perfectly good pen.

3. Joyful cackling is not allowed in the workplace. People might think I’m having fun.

2. That’s what the cubicle ninjas want me to do.

1. Despite it all, they are not really that bad and even sort of nice.

I don't get "emo". I don'