For the record, the first thing I actually did after the blogathon was take a shower. I was rank. Maybe not stinky per say, but I felt gross. I'm pretty sure caffeine was leaking out of my skin.

After my shower, I stretched out on the bed in my office and watched a couple episodes out of a Japanese Drama called FIVE. It's about five fucked up girls who become spies of a sort. It's silly. Not as good as Trick, but still okay.

After that, my husband woke up and we tlaked some. Then he read all my entries and said I was cool. After that we ate egg sandwiches and watched some PBS. It was a nature show about elephants,. After that there was something on about the Forest Service that was interesting. Then there was something about some random chateau in Canada I didn't care about and never heard of, but was apparently very famous. Who knew, right?

I drifted in a half sleep through ths show. You know the kind of sleep where you still hre everything and can respond to questions and queries but you aren't really all awake? Yeah, one of those sleeps.

There was more PBS and eventually I got bored of being awake and finally turned in around 9.

I was broken at work today. Very very broken. Luckily I had some mindless work to do. This is probably a good thing since if I had to do any thinking today it would have been pointless.

Anyway, I did nothing that was on my list because I suck.

If only I had a stick.

Top five lists are harder than they first appear. I have some favorites. I liked my list about Steven Segal. No one else did though. Maybe jeckles. I liked my Cubicle ninjas post. I also liked the "If I only had a Stick" post. I would have never thought of that.

People I want to thank:

WebKittyn – She multi-tasked like a true champ. Gooooood Juju and bagels to you. I wouldn't be doing this without her because I wouldn't have known about it. I decided last year to do this because she did it. You Rock WebKittyn!
Binary Blonde – She toughed it out in the Mango Radio Chat room. I won a prize too!
jeckles – a steady commenter who helped me want to continue posting.
Khouria jen – My moderator. yes, I know my blog is a hard read. She read it anyway. You rock.
Rissah – Her show helped me through the really hard hours of the 'thon.
Steven RK – He may be on the Sabbath schedule, but he was there in the tough hours.
All the organizers – Awesome. just awesome.
My sponsors – You didn't have to, but you did.
Everyone who left a Comment – You guys helped me through it. I looked forward to each and every comment. They made me happy.

All other 'thoners who finished 24 hours - You Fucking Rock!

A blog is all about being a bit self-centered. It would be against the spirit of blogging if I didn't end my Top fives with something completely trumpet blowing.

5. 24 fuckin hours. Powered by hats, rage and coffee.

4. I raised money for Special Olympics.

3. I took many pictures and actually posted them. most of the pictures were shitty, but I did it.

2. I managed to multi task with a radio show, Mango Autism blog and regular blog for 3.5 hours. This is not as easy as it sounds. Two blogs and a radio show with talking and music.

1. I found nifty blogs and posted comments on them. I also donated money to blogs with worthy causes. I didn't know the people, but I did it anyway. It's lame to do it only for the blogathon, but I did it. Maybe I'll get in a habit of choosing a charity every other month and giving them money or time. That would be cool.

One more post. Just one more. It is planned. It is done. There is linky love.

5. I hate people. Blogging only reminds me how much I hate them.

4. I think I forgot how to type and spell about 4 hours ago. Thank the gods for spellchecker.

3. The letters are jittering. It's going to take some therapy to get over that one.

2. I don't think I have anything left to say. I ran out of words. I used them all up.

1. My cat doesn't approve and my hat of power is slowly giving out on me.

These last three top fives are the only three I had planned time slots for. Wow! We're almost done. Come on people! We can do it.

5. Turn off my computer and walk away. I need to walk away. I think my fingers have fused to my keyboard.

4. Go on a giddy rampage of thanking people … with hugs. Everyone will be so frightened they will have me put into a place with nice soft walls.

3. Detox from excess caffeine intake

2. Eat chicken fried steaks and eggs – As much as I hate the south, southern breakfast rules.

1. Sleep? Maybe... I don't know. Maybe just stop twitching. I think that's like sleep.

5. Arg! My term paper! You little shitten!

4. You little Rat bitch! I know it was you!

3. Don't look at me like that… no… no… damn it. I am not the pet here.

2. No soft food! No! Damn it! That's my sandwich!

1. If you had opposable thumbs I'd make you clean this!

5. Another planet where some ancient civilization has gone extinct so I don't need to be near people ever, ever again. But All of the stuff of that Ancient Civilization is still there and I can live in luxury with my cats and husband.

4. Ancient Greece. One word: Olives.

3. Ancient Sumer. I would want to be a student of Enheduanna. Man, that would rock. Don't know who that is? Google it.

2. The Distant future. I would leave all my money in my back account right now, then claim it in a couple thousand years. I would of course use my time/space ability to research banks and make sure I pick one that is still around. I wouldn't cheat on the stocks or anything, I'd just Compound interest.

1. The 1920's in New York City in Harlem. I would love to be a flapper. I would dig on this jazz scene. Man… I would be snazzy. I really would.

I knew this would quickly spiral down the shitter when it got late. My top five lists have stopped being witty or anything resembling amusing. I've gone straight to profanity to amuse my audience. Faaaahck.

5. I don't have enough fashion sense to be a bitch and I don't want enough fashion sense to be one.

4. Being a bitch takes work. Being a cunt is a natural talent.

3. A bitch wants to be liked deep down they just don't like when people disagree with them. A cunt doesn't give a shit.

2. Hatred. A Cunt is powered on Hatred. A bitch is powered on arrogance and egocentricity.

1. A cunt is nothing like a dog rolling over for her alpha male. A cunt rolls over for no one.

5. Bacon (duh, just duh)

4. Provolone cheese. I love provolone on a good sandwich.

3. Tuna Salad. I have a strange weakness for good tuna salad. Unfortunately, most people do not know how to make good tuna salad.

2. Peanut butter. Washington Carver was a fucking genius. Has there ever been something so simple and completely awesome to put on a sandwich? Yes… one thing.

1. Eggs. I love egg sammiches. I would eat them every single day if I could. Probably more than once a day. This versatile sandwich is the king of sandwiches.

5. Testicle breath Dickweed – This one takes me back to third grade when duckweed was my all time favorite insult.

4. Rantallion – Look this one up, it’s cool

3. Schlong sucking trollop

2. Cum guzzler

1. Gin Soaked Schmuck

On a side note. I am a fuckin winner. I am mistress of all things geek. No one ever believes me, but I am.

Check out Binary Blonde.

5. Go to Church. I don’t go to church. Ever. Yes, I am ready for the flack to fly my way on this, but I should state that I am technically Jewish, so going to church in the first place is not really on the menu. I also don’t go to temple. So I am an equal opportunity buildings of faith ditcher.

4. Go to work. I had to work on Sundays before and it sucked a lot. Sure it was an easy puff job, but it was still my lazy day.

3. Leave the house. Sunday is my day to completely vegge out. I don’t want to do anything on Sunday.

2. Go to the hospital. My 17th birthday was on a Sunday. That was also the day my appendix burst. I spent all day in the emergency room until they decided to put me in for surgery at 3am.

1. Die. I don’t especially want to die on a Sunday. It seems a shame to die on my lazy day. I would much prefer to die on a Thursday. Thursday seems like a good day to eat it. I never did get the hang of Thursdays.

This is a list for Shutter. He digs on the Debbie does Dallas music. You're my special firned Captain Shutter.

5. Bimbo Moneybags – Yes, I shamelessly stole this from Exploitation Now!

4. Bridgette Suitelouve - Say it aloud. It’s French.

3. Kelly Fields – I don’t know, it just seems like a good porn name. Who wants to play on her fields baby?

2. Jason Longfellow – I’ll bet he would give Ron Jeremy a run for his money.

1. Stewart Kline – Once again, it just seems like a great porn name.

This is a hobby. The pictures are bad. it's late and I don't care to make them better.

5. Blue Lariat Necklace with matching Earrings

4. Purple Shell and Smokey Quartz Drop Necklace

3. Garnet and Wooden bead necklace and earring set

2. Green Seed bean with Crystal necklace with matching Drop Earrings.

1. Turquise and Smokey Quartz Floating necklace with matching Wire Wrap Earrings

I am a Rocky Horror Stage Show Veteran.

See? ------>

I played Columbia. I prefer Magenta, but I look more the part for Columbia due to my short red hair.

5. " Say! Any of you know how to Madison?"

4. " Emotion: Agitation or disturbance of mind; vehement or excited mental state." It is also a powerful and irrational monster. And from what Magenta and Columbia eagerly viewed on their television monitor, there seemed little doubt that Janet was, indeed... its slave."

3. " This sonic transducer, it is I suppose some kind of audio-vibratory-physio-molecular transport device?"

2. " That elusive ingredient, that... spark that is the breath of life... yes I have that knowledge! I hold the key to life... ITSELF!"

1. " I'm just a sweet transvestite, from Transsexual Transylvania."

5. Stonehenge

4. Great Pyramids

3. Easter Island

2. Zion National Park - Okay, i've been here and it's awesome, but i'd like to go back despite the fact that it is in Utah.

1. Theotihuacán

This is Crash's suggestion. Go Crash go! I need more suggestions. I do.

This is a green chili breakfast burrito. if you have never had one, you are missing out. It's like ambrosia. Sweet, sweet ambrosia. Eat it without cheese if you're kosher.

5. The speed limit is 75 just about everywhere. This means it is actually about 90 or 100. people fly down the highways because you can go 200 miles without seeing a cop and those little radar detectors are legal there.

4. Hot springs. There are tons of hot springs around.

3. If you like explosives and nuclear physics there is no other place to be.

2. Most of New Mexico is a no fly zone.

1. Green fucking Chili Breakfast burritos. In the south they ask sweet or unsweet. In New Mexico they ask red or green. Fucken Awesome.

5. They give money to the Special Olympics. This is a great cause. It's also one i am personally attached to, though my sponsors aren't. This means they're giving money because it means something to me and not to them. That rocks.

4. They donated money to me staying up for 24 hours without ever actually having met me. Wow. just wow.

3. Most people didn't even expect a return sponsorship. They're doing it out of kindness. They have hearts.

2. They're Sponsoring my local Charity even though they don't live here. They want to do it because it is charity.

1. They are helping these people:

5. As a collective unit, they are stupid.

4. They never fail to do something that makes my eye twitch with rage. Something stupid. Like let their 3 month old child cry in the theater. or do nothing but text message next to me while I'm watching Pirates 2. Fuckers.

3. In general, they pass the blame. When they pass it, they pass it to you. No one wants to take responsibility.

2. They choose to be ignorant. We live in an age where information is readily available at the tips of your fingers and still people choose to be ignorant. It's infuriating.

1. When having a bad day, people will, without fail, make it 12 times worse than it already is. Few people can read others well enough to know when to back the fuck off. I am convinced that the sole purpose of people is to annoy me. just me. It's like they know I hate them and they go above and beyond the call of duty to just reinforce that trait.

5. Look Pensive and rub your forehead. people will think you're really busy. The eyebrow furrow is always a good touch. If you really want to look busy, purse you lips when people walk by.

4. Play Sudoku in Excel. You look like you're working. Honest.

3. Tap your pencil on a notebook with some equations on it. have a few books open around you. You're daydreaming, but you look busy.

2. Walk around with lots of papers in your hand. Preferably papers in a manila folder.

1. Do battle with the cubicle ninjas. Wave your coffee cup dramatically as you don you pirate eye-patch and bandana. be sure to use you paperclips and pencils as projectiles when doing battle with the cubicle ninjas.

5. You’re actually sick.

4. You stayed up way too late Wednesday night because you were hopped up on coffee while playing video games you just “had to make it to the next level” on.

3. You went to the opening of Revenge of the Sith at Midnight and then didn’t get home until almost 3:20 in the am.

2. I never did get the hang of Thursdays.

1. You hate people and the thought of seeing one on a Thursday makes you want to ram your head through your computer monitor.

People! I need more Top Five lists.

Seriously. I don't have enough. The remaining lists I ahve aren't all that amusing. help me. Give me ideas. I know there must be something you want to see a top five list for.

I can try to be witty. Maybe even amusing.

If I'm very lucky, I might even make you laughs aloud. Probably not, but maybe if it gets late enough I will. Things seem funnier at 3 am.

5. Death.

4. Have someone stand behind you with a rail gun. You may die from the impact, but you'll reach escape velocity.

3. Go to the Trinity Site. Absorb radiation. (Don't get caught by the military… you have to be sneaky.) Become a mutant and use your new mutant powers to escape.

2. Go to the dead center of the state. Realize that there is NOTHING there and implode. Use said energy to accelerate your mass forward and reach escape velocity.

1. Trebuchet. We built two of them in physics club. I'm pretty sure I could reach escape velocity with one of those fuckers.

5. Two great big giant dragons spiraled around a beer can. This was bad. Either I wasn't redneck enough to appreciate it, or my metaphorical dick is too small.

4. "I love Peanuts" Not the comic, the nut. This shirt was mind-bogglingly lame. It was also pink.

3. A neon pink and green shirt with a puffy unicorn on it. The shirt was a size large which means it wasn't meant for a child.

2. "I had a nightmare I was a brunette" Fucking Ambercrombie and Finch. Fuck you. I can't believe people buy these shirts. Why do people have to be so fucking dumb? They aren't funny, they're just stupid. it's because of shits like this that I hate most women. Fuck. Just Fuck.

1. Any shirt that says "Pimp", "Diva", "Tramp" etc. Grow the fuck up and learn English. It's not cool to be these things. It's not glamorous.

5. Boots. Everyone had cool boots.

4. My Chuppah was tye-dyed

3. Saguaro fruit margaritas and Sangria were the drink of choice. Said drinks went perfectly with the swing music.

2. Old Tucson Studios. I was surrounded by an atmosphere of old west awesome. I can honestly say I stood in the same place as John Wayne and rode on the same carriage.

1. Hats. Hats make everything cooler. They are my source of power.

Will Starbucks try to sue me for defacing their logo? Hmm... this could bode badly for Utopia. Of course, it's not like I have money to give them as I'm giving it all to you bloggers out there.

Utopia is an Anarchist! Rawr! I deface corporate logos. Fear me! next thing you know, I'll be thrashing to punk music.

5. They are union breakers. Fuckers. People go ape shit over Wal-mart doing this shit to people, yet they walk down the road and buy coffee. So, it's okay for them to fuck over baristas? Explain the logic to me? Which is more of an evil empire? Starbucks or Wal-Mart? They're doing the same fucking things to their workers and competitors.

4. Who needs to pay 4 fucken dollars for a cup of coffee?

3. I hate made up coffee drinks for people who don't like coffee. When I drink coffee I want it to taste like fucking coffee.

2. It's Small, medium and large fuckers. Say it with me: Small, Medium and Large.

1. Their coffee is greasy and gross. You can see the shine of grease on the top of every cup. That's nasty. Yech. it leaves a funk in my mouth that is akin to pond scum. Starbucks has pond scum on the top. EEEEEWWWWW!

5.
I like to read Blogs.
Not my Blog because it sucks.
This haiku is proof.

4.
Blogathon is here.
I am posting top five lists.
I wish they were cool.

3.
Sponsors rock my world.
You should sponsor cool bloggers.
This is super cool.

2.
Special Olympics
Needs sponsorships. Give Money
And show your support.

1.
I wish I was cool
Or even better: witty.
But I am failing.

5. We are the only sign of the zodiac not represented by something alive. Does this mean we are cold mothahfuckahs? Maybe, I prefer to think of it as mysanthropic.

4. We are like water, taking the path of least resistance except when pissed.

3. Our birthstone is the Opal and Opals are awesome.

2. Beauty and balance baby. Beauty and balance.

1. We have mind powers, seriously. We can read each others thoughts. We just know things.

Regulars of the Utopia realm know that I went to Alabama for the Antiqu's Roadshow. I like that show I wanted to go because I thought it would be amusing. It was in Mobile. It sucked. The show was fun, everything else sucked. A lot.

The state "saying" is Stars Fell on Alabama. Here are the top five reasons why this must be the case.

5. The place is a pit. When the stars fell, it left a crater than was formed into Alabama.

4. No people could collectively drive that badly unless they were all suffering from a mass concussion. Thus, when the stars fell, everyone was knocked for a loop.

3. I'm fairly certain most people there were pod people. When the stars fell on Alabama, it brought with it crazy aliens that are hell bent on taking over the state.

2. The air smelled vaguely like sulfur. the low burning of sulfur. This of course could only be caused by stars falling through the atmosphere making it smell of burning.

1. The roads are terrible. I've never seen so many potholes in my life. They are worse than they were in New Mexico and New Mexico is a third world nation. Seriously. Stars falling and ruining the streets it the only explanation for this.

5. Torn Hamstring. I tore my hamstring my senior year of high school running track. I blame our new track coach. He had all the sprinters running distance for the first 3 weeks, then suddenly had us all switch to sprints. This strained the muscles of half the varsity squad.

4. Black eye. I was playing t-ball as a kid and got smack directly in the eye. I had a black eye for a month and a half. I had to wait 2 weeks for the swelling to go down enough so the doctor could look at it and make sure I hadn’t damaged the eye.

3. Skinless shin. I was playing roller hockey on a tennis court. Tennis courts are akin to sandpaper when you fall down moving forward at a good clip. I removed several layers of skin from my right shin. It was icky and pussy and wouldn’t heal over for a while. This one left a cool scar for about a year.

2. Knocked myself retarded playing soccer. I kicked the ball as hard as I could into someone else who kicked it back into my face. I did a prat fall backwards. After a minute or so when I regained consciousness I was crawling around on the ground because I thought I had knocked my eye out, so I was searching the grass for my eye. I was seriously knocked dumb from that one.

1. Busted Knee from indoor soccer. I fell, busted my knee, got surgery. I have a cool scar. Scars rule. See this linky link for my cool scar.

Gads, I'm fucking hungry. I need some food. My house Husband said he would be home for dinner to help with that. But he lied. now I'm depressed and hungry and need to go make food and hope I can multi-task like a pro.

5. Eggplant Casserole
Ingredients: 1 eggplant cubed, 2 cups fresh bread cubed, 2 eggs, 1 cup cheese shredded, ½ cup milk

Directions: 1. Lightly steam the eggplant until it is soft.
2. In a large casserole dish, mix eggplant with bread cubes.
3. Mix together eggs, milk and cheese.
4. Pour mixture over eggplant and bread. Mix well.
5. Cook for 30mins at 350°F. You can sprinkle the top with a hard cheese if you like. I use parmesano-romano.

4. Chili Quiche
Ingredients: 6 eggs, 1 cup milk, 1 cup cheese, 2 large green chilies chopped, 1 pie shell

Directions: 1. Mix everything together in a bowl.
2. Pour into a pie crust.
3. Bake at 350°F for 30-60 minutes.

3. Challah – Bread. I love bread. But too complicated to post in a few lines. I will DEFINITELY post this one later in the week. I promise. If I don't, you may flog me.

2. Caesar Salad Dressing.
Ingredients: 1 tsp. salt, 3 eggs, 3/4 tsp. dry mustard, 3 tsp. lemon juice, 1 tblsp. Parmesan cheese, 6 tsp. wine vinegar, 1 c. plus 2 tbsp. oil, 6 drops Worcestershire sauce, 3 tbsp. olive oil, 2 tsp. black pepper

Directions: Whisk everything together in a large bowl and refrigerate.

1. Flan - This is too complicated to explain in a few lines. Maybe I'll post a real recipe later on. I love flan. it is the only sweet thing that I can eat by the truckload.

5. Go and get box seats to a really cool concert. Those little bastard tickets usually cost upwards of $700 each.

4. Sushi. Have you ever blown $200 on sushi? I have. Now imagine doing that several times in one week.

3. Rent, Bills and Food. When all is said and done, you really don’t have anything to show for this, but it is strangely satisfying to pay for them all.

2. Vacation. Take a week long vacation somewhere by the beach. Stay in a hotel and do nothing but relax. Sure, it wastes a lot of money, but it feels fucking great.

1. Donate it all to your favorite charity. Sure you don’t get anything for this, but you get a good helping of positive karma. (Or sponsor someone who is awesome. Nudge Nudge wink wink, know what I mean?)

We have to go both ways. I'm a Libra, I'm into balance. And Duality. And all that good stuff.

Speaking of balance and duality ... this is something completely differnet. this is a plug for another Blogathoner! Yay blogathon!

Go and check out The Ice Palace. She is cool. Leave commments and help this 'thoner out. Comments make people happy.

5. Instead of sucking for air at the end, you bask in a pleasant afterglow while laying down.

4. You don't have to leave the comfort of your sheets if you don't want to.

3. You don't have to worry about cleaning grass (and possibly blood) stains out of your shorts.

2. You don't have to worry as much about someone headbutting you in the chest. (Yes, cheap shot at Zidane.)

1. You can have sex anytime you want. You can't play soccer in the dark, nor in the rain, or if there is lightning. Sex doesn't have those limitations.

5. You can roll around on the grass and have something to show for it if you’re lucky … like a good ball.

4. If you hit someone with your balls, it’s more likely to hurt them rather than yourself.

3. It’s 90 minutes of sweaty fun.

2. It’s acceptable in the heat of passion to call people you’re playing with very foul names and you generally won’t get in trouble for it.

1. It’s graceful violence. Like football, but with finesse and less padding. Unlike sex, it generally doesn’t involve whips and chains.

5. Sneak into their ranks, find their leader and take over destroying them from the inside.

4. Set out small traps in the forms of pens and “good” coffee. When they steal said objects to cause you misery, the traps will spring, poisoning them into a slow painful death.

3. Vent gas into the central cooling system on an early Saturday morning. Chance are, the cubicle ninjas are there fucking everything up so when you get in on Monday, the workplace is in complete chaos. Those who are not Cubicle Ninjas and show up on Saturday will be praised as martyrs for the cause. I’m sure they will understand when the ninjas are dead and no other soul will have to suffer their fate and come in on a Saturday.

2. Hire a body double to take your place. This body double will know 12 forms of martial arts and therefore be able to defeat the cubicle ninjas when they appear.

1. Offer free lunch to people. Cubicle ninjas always show up first in the form of workers. They also go first in line, taking all the tasty morsels for themselves leaving nothing but chip crumbles and fruit salad for the innocent and righteous worker. Anyway, offer free lunch and poison all the tasty morsels with high powered laxatives. The Cubicle ninjas will be the ones to eat it and all are forced into the restroom for the rest of the day. While this may not cause them death, they’ll know you’re not one to trifle with and be more wary when trying to weaken your spirit.

I podcast with Mango Radio. in fact, I am on the air right now. You should listen. I am foul mouthed and ill-tempered.

5. Amusing anecdotes never come out sounding as amusing as they are in your head.
4. Even with thousands of stations, you can never find one that plays all the music you like. Even your own.
3. If blogging is self-centered, internet radio takes it a step further.
2. Most internet radio is fucking god awful.
1. I’m talking to my computer while sitting alone in my office. Basically I am talking to myself. Alone. Like a loser.

First, bask in the hot, hot man in the kilt. Let me wipe away my drool for a moment.

I love Ewan McGregor. If he is in a movie, I will watch it. Period. Not only is he hot, he can fucking act. He also loves to get naked in his movies which is a lovely perk. He is popular, but I liked him when he wasn't.

5. Moulin Rouge (I don’t feel shame for this, though I know I should)

4. Trainspotting

3. Pillow Book (Naked!!)

2. Shallow Grave

1. Velvet Goldmine (More Naked!!)

For your enjoyment... more Ewan.

5. Snowball’s Chance in Hell (Stolen from In and Out)

4. Eagle Patriot’s Revenge (anti-terrorism war/kung fu movie with environmental overtones)

3. Wolf of the Sea (this would be a naval themed kung fu movie with environmental overtones)

2. Red Wood Forest (This would be a family movie where Segal takes out a bunch of kids on an environmental retreat to learn about conservation. They discover evil polluting villains and Segal defeats them with his kung fu teaching the kids a valuable lesson in both whoop ass and teamwork.)

1. Walker Texas Ranger is Dead and I Killed him for polluting the Environment

5. Shrimp heads. Yum. Most people find this disturbing because they still have little eyes on them.

4. My grandmother’s matzo balls. They’re frightening. Just trust me on this one. *shudder*

3. Uni – Also known as sea urchin. Tasty, but the texture leaves something to be desires.

2. Bar-B-Que grasshoppers – They’re not that bad really.

1. Raisins. I hate them. I cannot describe how much I hate them. I won’t even eat food that has been in the remote vicinity of a raisin. They make me gag. Seriously. Grapes deprived of dignity.

This is my Coffee press and hot water pot. These are the only things I need to make coffee. No waiting, no filters, no nothing. just my coffee press and my water pot.

If I could, I would give some of my coffee to jeckles. he needs coffee. Everyone go and give him your sympathies for running out of coffee. His coffee mistress has left him.

Find him at http://jeckles.blogsome.com . Show him love. Give him a bit of schwag, booty, cash, bucks. Something. Make him feel better.

As per the request of jeckles.

This one is actually kid of tough. I have to think a little bit instead of just letting ocmeplete crap spill forth frmo my fingertips.

5. I am hiking a trail with evil evil switchbacks. It is very rocky and suddenly I lose my balance and plummet to my doom. "If only I had a stick!!"

4. I find myself lost in the snow (aka white death). I have matches, but alas. I don't have any sticks! I slowly freeze to death. "If only I had a stick!"

3. I am being attacked by man-eating natives deep in the forrest of the Congo. They are attacking me with rocks. I cannot bat away said rocks because I lack a bat or a stick. Nooo! "If only I had a stick!"

2. I am locked in the dungeon of the Evil Overlord of the Cubicle Ninjas. I can see the keys to my cell on the wall across from me. But I cannot reach them for my arms are too short. "If only I had a stick!" Damn you Cubicle ninjas! Damn you!

1. I am walking through some foreign planet. (it could happen dman it) It is known for having pools of acid. Acid sucks as it eats your flesh. Unfortunately it is a treeless planet and there are no sticks. I fall into a pit of acid and die. if only I had known it was acid! "If only I had a stick!"

5. Most of the time they only snack.

4. By being eaten, you have lost your dominance of the food chain.

3. Sharks are repelled by solid sticks. I saw this on PBS. In my last moments I don’t want to be thinking “If only I had a stick.”

2. Sharks are cool and I don’t want to die thinking that they suck.

1. If a shark is eating me, that means I’ve been confused for either a fish or a seal or something equally aquatic. That sucks. I look like neither a fish nor a seal and I am not aquatic. That is an ego blow if I ever heard of one.

I want to say a shout out to a few people who are leaving comments on my blog.

First, jeckles. You rule. It makes me happy when people respond to my posts. It makes me think that maybe I am doing something right. Maybe.

Second, marlena at Empty Lunchbox. her blog is cool. Like me, she embraces her geekiness and i appreciate that. Go check her out. it is worth the read. Look ... she's even on my blogroll now. That takes a bit right there. Because I am too lazy to update my blogroll most of the time.

Another is Caryn at Metafictional Blues. She has a picture of a squirrel. i like Squirrels, they make me oddly happy. They are sproingy.

Check them out.

5. Chili acid on my eyelids. Do not peel fresh habaneros and touch your eyelids. Resist at ALL costs.

4. Appendicitis – This really sucked. it was my birthday and I thought I was going to have all my innards fall out of me.

3. Having all the toe nails ripped off of both feet from having my foot slammed under the door.

2. Swollen Intestines. Fucking hell, this sucks a lot. This is the reason I can't eat rice or drink soda. Those are two things that irritate my intestines and make them swell up. I can't move, can't think, just whimper like a fucking little girl.

1. Knee Reconstruction Surgery. The Surgery recovery hurt more than the actual injury if that is possible.

Here is a picture of my knee and the associated scar.

I make no pretenses about how much I hate people. People, in general, annoy me. A lot. There are times, they make my eye twitch with rage and I visualize stabbing them in the eye with my pen. I cackle gleefully while doing it, then I dance over their backs as they roll around on the round clutching at their face. At least, that's what I do in my head.

5. I might get blood on my shoes.

4. I would probably ruin a perfectly good pen.

3. Joyful cackling is not allowed in the workplace. People might think I’m having fun.

2. That’s what the cubicle ninjas want me to do.

1. Despite it all, they are not really that bad and even sort of nice.

I don't get "emo". I don't get the word, the concept anything. It's just fucking music people. Just music. if music isn't emotional then you've fucking failed you stupid prats.

Emo seems like a reason to be angsty. You know what? You're young, you can be angsty, you don't have to give it a special name to make yourself cool. You wankers. Get over yourselves. Wait until you have to work for a living, then complain to me.

5. Cry Babies
4. Validation
3. Oscar and Wormie
2. Stoplight Crash
1. Johnny Deep (Or Molly and the Ringwolds)

5. Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand. This books is robust enough and conflagurated enough to do some serious damage.

4. War and Peace – Obviously, most people would not catch this irony and that’s what would make it cool.

3. Socrates’ Republic – People should read this and most people won’t, therefore, they should be educated by osmosis.

2. Les Miserables. Think you’re miserable now? Wait until you feel this on your scull.

1. Utopia by Thomas Moore – Not a large book, but one that is poetic to hit someone with. Even we Utopians aren’t all pacifists.

Wow... this was fast tio get a winner!

Congrats to Ros at Electric Indigo for getting the picture back to me so fast. Wow! You guys rock on.

I sponsored Ros for 5$ at Equality Now! This is a great organization. So everyone go and visit Ros and check out the site and be cool with Sponsoring.

This is a contest This is the first contest I am having during the Blogathon. The first person who can circle all the items on the list below will get $5 donated to their charity. I know $5 isn't a lot, but I'm poor and saving up for Dragon Con this year. Besides, $5 adds up.

Send the picture back to me at AbstractUtopia@gmail.com with circles items.

5. Japanese paper doll - I won this at japan Fest last year.
4. Neon fuzzy ring - I got this as a bridal Shower Prize at the Drag Queen bar.
3. Asajj Ventriss figure from the Clone Wars Cartoons - She fucking rocks. Sith rule! Jedi Drool!
2. Mini-Zen garden - Because I have a black thumb and i can't kill a Zen GArden.
1. Beast Boy on his Mo-Ped - I loe BeastBoy. I want a mo-ped also.

Bacon rules. We all know bacon rules. But, you see, knowing that bacon rules makes me a very bad and non-kosher jew. I am a bad jew. I admit it. I love cheeseburgers. LOVE them.

Anyway. Everyone, I want to introduce my Monitor to you. Everyone say hello to khouria.

5. Taunting my pets with tasty bits that I won’t give them.

4. Rendering for flavorful fat. I use Bacon fat for sautéing onions and garlic. It really peps up the flavor.

3. Baked Beans. Real baked beans should be made with several strips of bacon laying over the top. Yummy.

2. Turkey Stuffing. Line the inside of your turkey with half-cooked bacon, then stuff. This will add really nice bacon flavor to your stuffing. You can also lay a few strips of bacon over the top of the turkey while roasting.

1. Egg Sandwiches. Put bacon on top of an egg. Place egg and bacon on top of bread of your choice. Place cheese over the whole thing. Consume with extreme delight.

I realized that while I have a post with my one-eyed cat Cygnus, I've never posted a picture of my "it" cat. Yes, my cat is a hermaphrodite. I had to shave her to rid her of a flea problem. I call her "her" because she is a diva of cats.

This is my Pi-Pie. Her name is actually Pookah. Isn't she a cuty?

This is Cygnus. He is a pirate. ARRRRRR!

(Post number 5/48. I'm raring to go. if you have top five lists to suggest, let me know in any post. I'll try to get to them all.)

5. When you get into your car, you must take extra precaution not to touch anything metallic, leather, vinyl, or otherwise kissed by the sun less you want to suffer from 2nd degree burns on the palms of your hands. Gloves become more than a fashion statement; they become your best defense against nerve damage.

4. Don’t sit on concrete, you will burn. You can cook eggs on the surface and watch bacon fry on it. You can, I've done it.

3. You car tires will melt to the asphalt. That is, they will melt to the asphalt if the tar in the asphalt hasn’t melted first. Got a flat rire once when it was 123°F outside. It sucked. me and my mom were on the street changing the tire as fast as we could. They stopped the planes from taking off this day because the tires all melted to the runways.

2. Rain water that falls from the sky is hot. Wicked hot, shower hot. Seriously. Of course, this only happens for about 10 minutes at a time when we get all the rain we're going to get for the year. The sky opens up, drops 5 inches of rain, everything floods and then washes away.

1. You can sunburn through your clothing. A t-shirt only has an SPF of 25 or so depending on the color. This is why people who truly understand the dry heat DO wear black. Black also reflects light much more so than white as white is the combination of all color, where as black is the total absence there of.

5. Luciferous - I love this word. it just sounds fucking awesome. look it up. Go, educate yourself.
4. Vecordious - This describes most of my life.
3. Din – Sting uses this word with great finesse
2. Musard - A great insult to people. They won't know what it means and if you can pull it off right it sounds almost nice.
1. Git - too few people use this word to describe annoying fools. It should be used more.

5. Andrew Jackson – I don’t think I have to justify myself here.

4. Socrates – It would be a philosophical quandary that I think he would appreciate. Honest.

3. Hitler – I’m sure this little cunt is on most everyone’s list.

2. Pope Gregory IX – This is the little twat who started the inquisition. Perhaps I'll burn in hell for calling a pope a twat, but I'm Jewish and we don't believe in hell.

1. Shakespeare – If this guy existed as a singular man, he needs to get a swift one in the nuts. Twice. I can’t stand Shakespeare. I don’t know why, but the stories irritate me like there is no tomorrow. Worst play ever = Julius Caesar. I would kick him in the nuts for every school child who has ever had to suffer through reading that flaming piece of shit.

These are Batman Boots. They kick ass. Let me tell you the top five ways they kick ass.

5. Geeks would flock to me as their mistress and chosen one.
4. Batman is cooler than Superman, therefore his boots would give me a “Whoop ass” rating of 8.
3. I would strike fear into the hearts of comic book junkies everywhere.
2. I’m hardcore.
1. No, I’m Batman, Bitch.

5. Excessive swearing. People seem to dig it when I use words like Fuck and Cunt a lot. I use them because they seem to just roll off the tongue.

4. Beg for more sponsors. Come on… you know you want to sponsor me. I have a theme. Seriously. A theme man. It's freaky cool and everything. I stole it fair and square from High Fidelity.

3. Brew a pot of coffee, a cup of tea and get a glass of apple juice. Hey … I have to do something productive. Or at least something that resembles productivity.

2. Give out some linky love. Webkittyn loves her linky lovin' so she gets some first. Blogathon got me posting on a Saturday for Charity, so they get some linky love too. Jeckles got up off his ass and is pretending to give a shit about people. He gets linky love. Mango and the Crew (including me) are blogging for Autism and running a Blogathon Radio show. How fucking awesome is that? Go. Frolick to them/us. Frolick damn it! Oh, and also listen to Mango Radio during the blogathon. Mango Fucken Radio!

1. Post my first Top Five list and hopefully amuse people, just slightly.

Neep! Only a half hour until the start of Blogathon starts. I'm up. I'm caffeinated. i'm raring to go.

Hopefully people will read my blog during the 24 hour adventure. I do have some contests planned for some of my top fives. If people tune in during them, they could win a $5 donation to the charity of their choice. There is also one contest where they could win a $25 gift certificate to GiftCertificates.com. It is tied in with my radio show that will air from 5-8pm EST.

Exciting, yes?

So, read my blog during the next 24 hours and you could win the equivalent of money! GiftCertificates.com is awesome. I wear it. You'll get a super Gift Certificate which lets you pick out a Gift Certificate to anywhere you want. The last person who won one was KatKat. She got her $25 to the Hard Rock Cafe and took her family out. How cool is that?

So my trusted minions ... this will most definately be an adventure.

Also, it's not too late to Sponsor me!

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Days 'til Blogathon: 0.02

Total Raised: $115.00

Number of Sponsors: 6

Look, it's sort of like bribery! Sort of. So Sponsor me minions!.

Today, I was walking about the office and someone had a bushel of tomatoes on their desk. It was very strange to see as is was completely out of context. a bushel of tomatoes in a cube. I did a double take, but there they were, plump, red tomatoes.

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Today I got a new pen. I have a thing with pens. This pen is rather nice. At least it has a nice grip and fits well in my hand and along my writing callus. Unfortunately, the ink is a bit cheap so from time to time the writing gets a bit splotchy. I also got a couple of new pencils. Plain mechanical pencils. Man... I am one boring chicky.

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This is somehow really poetic.

Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com

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Blogathon is very soon. Go and Sponsor people. This is good juju, as Webkittyn would say. Find someone who has $0 donated to them and give them a couple bucks.

I Hate People is blogging for Global Women's Fund. She is angry, intelligent and hates people. In general, this is a blogger I can get behind. I appreciate the honesty.

PurpleWaxhand is blogging for Freedom from hunger. This is always a good cause. Being hungry sucks especially when there is so much bounty in the world and the only real problem is getting the food where it needs to be. Help get the food where it needs to be.

Speaking of Freedom from hunger, Jeckles is also blogging for them. Jeckles rocks. He can write and he has some rage. Both attributes that make his blog good. Give him money if you have some strange hatred of the non-sponsored PurpleWaxHand.

Trailer Park Queen is blogging for Save the Children. As much as I am unfond of the idea of having my own mini-human, I don't think they should suffer. Thus, it would only make sense to save them.

A Human's Whisper is blogging for the International Fun for Animal Welfare. I like animals. I have animals. I love my animals very much and not all animals get proper care because people suck. Help the animals. They should not have to suffer for human arrogance and ignorance.

Anyway, go, sponsor someone.

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I decided that I don't want to die by shark. I think that would suck.

It would also suck to die by being mauled by a crazed chimp.

In general being killed by an animal would suck. Humans included.

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I'm rambling pointlessly. I should stop.

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Days 'til Blogathon: 5

Total Raised: $115.00

Number of Sponsors: 2

I'm bad at bribing because I suck. Sponsor me anyway.

I've moved to a Wednesday show. I've heard rumors people can listenon wednesdays. Since no one listens on Saturday (ever), i've packed up that show and moved it to Wednesday.

7-9pm, right before WebKittyn.

And just in case anyone forgot.

Yep, my show will have the same old Utopia banter . foul mouth, ill temper and all.

Blogathon Haiku
Should get you to Sponsor me
Because I am cool

Pi Lo Chun Liquor

This liquor green tea liquor is made with the subtly fresh Pi Lo chun variety and sweetened with crisp orange blossom honey. This is a lovely spring time liquor that is sure to leave everyone refreshed, if not spinning.

Prep Time: Prep time: 24 hours
Cook Time: 30 minutes
Settling time: 1 week
Serving Size: 10-12

Ingredients
1/2 cup loose Pi Lo Chun tea
1 liter vodka
1 cup orange blossom honey
2 tablespoons brown sugar
1/2 orange
1 cup water

Directions
1. Pour vodka into a 1 gallon mason jar and add tea. Close the lid and shake for about a minute.
2. Set the jar in a dark place for no longer that 24 hours. (8 hours is usually good)
3. Strain tea from vodka. Make sure no leaves remain in the liquor.
4. Squeeze 1/2 orange into the tea steeped vodka.
5. In a small pot, bring 1 cup water to a low boil. Add honey and brown sugar. Stir until dissolved.
6. Allow watered down honey to cool.
7. Add honey water to steeped vodka. Close the lid of the mason jar and shake to mix.
8. Funnel the liquor into sealable bottles. (I use grolsch style bottles.)
9. Seal the bottle with wax.
10. Let liquor sit for at least a week in the bottle. (The liquor will taste better if you let it sit for a month.)
11. Break wax seal, drink and enjoy!

(This is rather strong, be responsible.)

Vote for me at Tea Chef (http://www.teachef.com). It would rock if I won despite the fact they had some major fuck up on that page and they posted my recipe with a different picture.

I wanted to say something profound and witty here, but instead I'm just going to trumpet my own horn because I can.

If I can't be self-centered in my own blog every once in a while then why the fuck bother right?

I just got interviewed by the Atlanta paper to plug blogathon. Frykittin was looking for people in the Atlanta area and I volunteered. Go me! i get to plug blogathon on a level that will reach waaaaaaaay more readers than my blog currently does.

Rock on!

Go blogathon!! Come and sponsor me people! I rock! Seriously. I do. I fucking rock.

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Days 'til Blogathon: 4

Total Raised: $110.00

Number of Sponsors: 5

I rock. Sponsor me because I rock your socks off.

Today, someone stole my pen.

Now, you may not think this a big deal, but I hate when people steal my pens. It was my favorite pen. I didn’t take it off of my desk today so I know I didn’t lose it.

I have a drawer full of pens and pencils, but it is the simply principal of the matter. Why would someone snatch my pen as it sits on my desk? Did they not have a drawer full of pens? Was it too hard for them to walk to the supply closet and get a new pen?

I think it may have been the cubicle ninjas, as no hard working individual would have stolen my pen. It makes no sense for any logical being to steal my pen when they could simply attain their own with the turn of a handle. Since cubicle ninjas are not logical creatures, it only stands to reason that they must have stolen my pen. They also employed the “mosquito” tactic today which is probably what distracted me enough so they could make off with my pen.

Sneaky bastards.

They may win this round … but mark my words, I will have revenge for my pen. Oh yes. They will rue the day they made this error.

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Days 'til Blogathon: 5

Total Raised: $110.00

Number of Sponsors: 5

Do not let the cubicle ninjas defeat you! Sponsor me and I will defeat them for all mankind.

Well, Darkstar and WebKittyn were doing it so I jumped on the bandwagon and thought, why the fuck not?

Look ma! Hippie crap!

You scored as Precog. You are a Precog Empath. You are a visionary & a human thermostat. You can predict outcomes and see where paths may lead. You are a good scout and a guide to others. Be careful of your dreams. Your sight penetrates the veil that hides the truth from mankind. (from "The Book of Storms" by Jad Alexander at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Empaths/ )

Precog		95%
Judge		80%
Fallen Angel		75%
Artist		75%
Traveler		75%
Healer		70%
Universal		70%
Shaman		55%

What Kind of Empath Are You?
created with QuizFarm.com

Well, as some of you may know, Blogathon is coming right up on our asses. There is about a week until it starts.

I know I have not compelled people much to sponsor me, but honestly, I think everyone who reads my blog has already sponsored me. All five people. And those who read my blog and haven’t sponsored me have already gone above and beyond sponsoring other people which is equally awesome. I am glad I passed the $100 mark. That’s pretty good. I wish I could have made it to $500, but that’s okay.

Some of you may know that we’re also going to be having a 24-hour Mango Radio live pod-a-thon. I will be broadcasting (hopefully) around 5ish which is my normal broadcasting time on Saturdays. I am actually hoping for a 5-8 slot or even a *dramatic pause* 2-8 shift. I am hoping that this will bring new listeners to my show. I am the least popular of the Mango dj’s listener-wise and I would like to correct that. I’m shooting for 5 regular listeners. I would probably have more if I was more on the ball with uploading my shows.

To be honest, I tried the new Mango upload page and I have no idea if it actually worked or not. I should probably check that. I do have all my shows neatly organized now. I also have some Utopia Pirate radio (that no one but Ginger listened to) on my computer. But, those shall never see the light of day.

Aaaaanyway … back to Blogathon. Go out and sponsor someone. Sponsor me if you want to or find someone who has a similar cause to your own. Do it! Now! Sponsor! Every donation helps no matter how small it is.

I have about 43 Top Five lists planned out. Mango and katkat both gave me a list, but no one else seems to be inspired to creativity. I will replace my own ideas with others if I get more than five.

I am also going to tie this into my show during the ‘thon. I am going to do Top Five song sets. This will definitely be in the feel of High Fidelity and it is where I came up with the idea for doing the blogathon. I intended to do Top Fives during my show that day, then I thought to myself, “Hey! I can do Top fives on my blog as well! Dude, I am a fucking genius.” So, if you have ideas for either Top Five list, let me know! Music or otherwise. I know you are all creative people out there, show me! I believe in you.

Read on if you want to see my Top Five lists, if not, bleh.

Blog-A-Thon Top Fives
1. Top five uses for bacon (thanks Mango)
2. Top five least favorite things to do on a Sunday
3. Top Five subtly fake stripper/porn star names
4. Top Five historical figures I’d like to kick in the nuts at least twice
5. Top five ways to blow an entire paycheck and have nothing to show for it
6. Top five insults that don’t involve four-letter words
7. Top five useless nick-knacks on my desk
8. Top five sandwich toppings
9. Top five books to smack someone upside the head with that aren’t the bible
10. Top five reasons why playing soccer is more fun than sex
11. Top five reasons having sex is more fun than soccer
12. Top five names a rose could be if actually called by any other name
13. Top five reasons to call in sick to work on a Thursday Morning
14. Top five most physically painful experiences
15. Top five recipes involving eggs
16. Top five ways to defeat the cubicle ninjas without using semi-automatic weapons or nukes
17. Top five reasons why Batman boots would kick ass
18. Top five vacationing spots with large stone objects
19. Top five reasons why stars fell on Alabama
20. Top five ways to reach escape velocity from New Mexico
21. Top five reasons I should not stab my co-worker in the eye aside from the fact that I would be arrested or tossed into the loony bin
22. Top five band names for little posers with “emo” hair and fake glasses
23. Top five reasons why Libras are cooler than anyone else
24. Top five fake clubbing names
25. Top five things most common things to shout at your cat when they’re looking overly innocent and you know they’ve just knocked tea onto your keyboard
26. Top five things 10,000 monkeys at 10000 keyboard would really type if they got the chance
27. Top five reasons not to be eaten by a shark
28. Top five sports related injuries
29. Five Spontaneous Haiku
30. Top five Ewan McGregor movies not counting Star Wars because that makes me die a little bit inside
31. Top five fake Steven Segal movies
32. Top five dumbest things I’ve seen on T-shirts
33. Top five reasons my sponsors kick ass
34. Top five ways to look productive at work when you’re not doing a god damned thing
35. Top five things I’m going to do as soon as I’m done with the Blogathon
36. Top five reasons I am a cunt and not a bitch
37. Top five things that made my wedding cooler than any other I’ve seen
38. Top five things I want to do in the year 2010 on my birthday which is 10-20
39. Top five reasons why Starbucks can lick my chode
40. Top five places I would live if time and space had no meaning
41. Top five most horrific foods I’ve put into my mouth
42. Top five reasons I will never blog again (thanks katkat) (to be posted at the 23rd hour)
43. Top Five reasons I am awesome (to be posted last)
44. Top five reasons people suck. (thanks to jeckles)
45. Top five reasons Internet radio is stupid. (also thanks to jeckles)


Pod-A-Thon Music Top Fives
1. Top five songs that make you think you’re at a Junior High Dance
2. Top five songs that make my foot press the gas a little bit harder
3. Top five Songs I want played at my funeral (a la High Fidelity)
4. Top five songs that remind me how much I wanted to take my ex-boyfriend out into the desert and shoot him, leaving his remains for the Coyotes to feast upon
5. Top five songs that remind me that tomorrow could actually be better than today
6. Top five work-out songs

Tedium. That is what my day has been thus far. I suppose that is the nature of work and I shouldn’t complain. I thought being a scientist would be more fun. I thought I would get to flex my brain a little bit and come up with creative and logical solutions to problems. I thought being in R&D would be nifty.

Apparently I was very wrong.

I’ve turned into a statistician/secretary. I have no other way to really describe what I’ve been doing for the past few months. Basic statistics and paperwork seem to be the basis for everything in my little world these days. Oh wait … and there was the exercise in futility at trying to train people to follow the procedures I wrote.

God, this is a lame entry with no purpose but to fucking whine.

Yech.

Let’s start over.

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Getting healthy and the wickedly sinful meal of breakfast thwarting my attempts

I have been trying to get healthy. This isn’t as easy as it first sounds. You are supposed to eat 5-7 servings of fruits and veggies every day. A serving is about the size of a medium apple. This means I have to have two servings of fruits or veggies with every meal of the day to meet spec. That’s quite a lot when you think about it. Even my friend who is married to a vegetarian doesn’t eat that many fruits and veggies.

I have been trying, but it is an exercise in frustration. The hardest meal for me to include this requirement in is breakfast. There are so many tasty breakfast foods that do not include veggies. There are even less breakfast foods that include the required eating that I can make at work. There are fewer still items of veggie laden breakfast food that I want to eat.

I don’t think I can quite manage a whole serving of onion and peppers in my eggs.

Once again … whining tripe.

Let’s start again.

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Bacon flavored chemicals

I have been trying to watch my caloric intake lately. This is in my quest to get healthy. When I start playing soccer again I won’t watch as closely, but for now, I should. Anyway, I found a salad dressing that has 0 calories, 0 grams of fat and no sugar in it. It is also bacon flavored.

I haven’t read the ingredients too closely because I know it can’t be natural.

But I eat it on my salad and it tastes like bacon. Bacon without guilt kicks ass. It also taste great on olives.

Have I ever mentioned that I love olives?

All kinds of olives. I have no olive prejudice. I love them. I love them stuffed with pimentos or jalapeños or even garlic. I love them with pits or without pits. I love them plain. Olives are nature’s perfect snacking food.

Speaking of snacking food. I never have any in my house. I don’t buy it. Okay, I don’t buy the generic version of snack food: crackers, chips, candy, ice cream, etc. On the rare occasion I buy Cheez-its for the Sparky. I think keeping snack food out of the house is a good thing. It encourages me to actually think before I eat something. I also don’t drink soda. Not because I don’t like it mind you, but because it makes me violently ill. It’s some weird combination of the carbonation, corn syrup, and caffeine I suspect. Or maybe the acid that burns a hole through your stomach. Of course, sometimes I suffer the pain to enjoy a chocolate coke or even more sinfully a coke float.

Growing up the closest thing we have to snack food was homemade beef jerky. I only got chip if I traded people for them. No one ever wanted to trade for them because I had nothing worth trade in my lunch. I never had Twinkies or ho-hos or moonpies. Sometimes I got graham crackers. I also never had bologna and cheese sandwiches. I think my mother had a thing against processed meat foods. Even when I started packing my own lunch at the tender age of 10, I didn’t have any of those things in my lunch because my mother wouldn’t buy them and you can’t put things in your lunch that you don’t have.

But, I was talking about bacon flavored chemicals and got a bit sidetracked.

I just wanted to say that bacon flavored chemicals rock on salad. Especially when you add olives to your salad. And cheese.

Cheese and bacon ought to be a sin … oh wait … it is.

Crazy Kosher laws thwarting my pleasures in life. Of course, I’m a bad jew so I don’t shirk from this most sin. Thus, I enjoy my burgers the way I want them along with my club sandwiches and salad.

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Days 'til Blogathon: 10

Total Raised: $110.00

Number of Sponsors: 5

The 0 calorie bacon flavored chemicals compel you to sponsor me!

Numbers. Bloody numbers. In my head, there are numbers constantly buzzing about. Equations, sums, puzzles … music. Always numbers. At times it is infuriating. I want to be able to turn off my brain and attach a little sign to my ear that says “Out, back again when I give a fuck”.

I don’t know if this is something most people understand. I’ve talked to others about it and they look at me like I’m nuts. Even my hobbies seem to revolve around numbers and patterns and equations. When I can’t get my head to shut up, I try watching movies in my head. I usually try to pick a movie I haven’t seen in a long time on the tv and replay the whole thing start to finish in my head. I try to conjure up as much detail as I can. When I feel really ambitious, I try to choose movies with a lot of witty banter. These are tougher. For the most part, I can remember everything I see, but I have a tougher time remembering everything I hear. Does that make sense?

Here are the top 3 movies in my head:
1. Wizard of Oz
2. Ghostbusters
3. Monty Python and the Holy Grail

These are memory games my parents taught me when I was a baby. I still play them.

I suspect that it’s these things that make me barking mad.

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Days 'til Blogathon: 11

Total Raised: $110.00

Number of Sponsors: 5

I’m crazy I tell you! Sponsor my insane number brain. Sponsor it!

I've done it. I've come up with a theme for the Blogathon.

Instead of doing random posts of babbling (which I still may do simply to stay awake) I am going to do lists of Top 5's. For those of you familiar with it, I got this idea from High Fidelity. I am going to do a whole 24 hours of Top 5's. Unlike High Fidelity I am not going to keep my lists specific to music.

I have mission for my minions out there...

I need List ideas.

This can be Top 5 of anything. I don't care. I have to come up with at least 48 lists.

So far, this is what I've got:

1. Top five snack foods
2. Top five web comics
3. Top five "cruisin" songs
4. Top five mindless books.
5. Top five Flying Kung Fu movies.
6. Top five Zombie movies.
7. Top five most physically painful experiences.
8. Top five past times for the insomniac Utopia.

Got the idea? Now go minions go! I believe that you can supply me with 40 or so ideas. I believe in you.

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Days 'til Blogathon: 13

Total Raised: $110.00

Number of Sponsors: 5

I have a theme. Sponsor my theme!

I have been watching a lot of PBS lately. Alright, by a lot, I mean an hour to an hour and a half, but hey, that’s a lot of TV for me. Yesterday I watched something about lions, the day before it was sharks and the day before that is was turtles.

I realized that if I could, I would have some wicked cool pets. Here are my top five:

5. Meerkat. They stand and look cute and are twitchy. They are both cat and ferret like and they roll. It’s really cute.
4. Sea Turtle. They are flappy and cute. When they have little flappy arms, they look like they’re having so much fun. The downside of this pet being that it would outlive me probably three times over.
3. A Lioness. Not a lion, a lioness, female. We could curl up on my bed together and watch the birds from the window. She and I could romp in the backyard chasing squirrels. That would be cool. I would feed her steak and for treats I would give her bacon. Me and her would be buddies. I’d name her Zeeva because having a Lioness called wolf would be amusing.
2. A Galapagos tortoise. He would be in my backyard. I’d build him a little dog house like structure and feed him peanut buttery apples. It would be like having a dog, only less messy, quieter and more tame.
1. A Tarsier. Don’t know what a Tarsier is? This is a Tarsier:

Seriously. Having one as a pet would rock. People would think that I had a pet alien or something. I’d introduce him as “M’ketchlopxlyx” just to add to that feel.

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Days 'til Blogathon: 15

Total Raised: $90.00

Number of Sponsors: 3

The tarsier wants you to make a Pledge. He has mind voodoo. Really!

I am trying to think back to when I took on the persona of Utopia. I think the persona first peeked out in the summer before my sophomore year of High School. That was the year I joined my first band. I was the bass player and the song composer. I wrote such horrible (and sophomoric) lyrics as:

Death is coming from behind
Take that gamble one more time.
Russian Roulette with a loaded gun
Someone’s going to lose.
May not be today
May not be tomorrow
May not be some day,
But it’s happened before.

For the summer I composed music and lyrics. It took me about an hour to write a song along with the music. This is something I now realize as being foolish, bu I improved as I expanded my musical listening. This was the peek of angsty grunge and I was heavily influence by such things. Then I started listening to industrial and wrote the song Abstract Utopia. It was an industrial grunge piece. In my head I envisioned it as industrial piece; unfortunately, no one in the band had or knew how to work a mixer. So, the song became a grunge cover of my industrial vision of it. (Both versions had a wicked cool bass line … and thinking back on it I think I was heavily influenced by The Sisters of Mercy with Lucretia my Reflection.)

Anyway, that is the first time I took on the persona of Utopia; more specifically Abstract Utopia.

The band broke up when school started. And my Utopia persona faded back into the mousy dork that avoided people. Now, if any of you were “the smart kid” in school, you know why it is best to just fade into the background. This lessens the mockery.

This was also the year I started Jazz Band. Occasionally during jazz performances, Utopia came back out. I made several good friends in jazz and it was on traveling trips with these people that I was Utopia once again. We’d sit around and listen to Pantera, NIN, KMFDM, Pearl Jam and other assorted listening pleasures. I got a chance to be me without the restraint that I normally showed. My mouth ran off like a fucking sailor and it was okay with these people. (At least those that were my friends in the jazz band.) Ironically, one of the guys I was friends with then is not a Methodist Minister. Another is a psychologist who works for Yamaha (the music company, not the motorcycle company). The last couple I have no clue.

After I graduated, Utopia faded away once again. I joined jazz band in college, but I went to a Science and Engineering school. I say this only because there was no art majoring at my school and no humanity majoring. Needless to say, the jazz band was worse than a bunch of elementary kids with recorders trying to play Beethoven. It was so bad, that I couldn’t play in it. Literally. No one could hold the beat or the tune. So, I played in rhythm, in tune, right where I should be, but there was nothing else. It’s very hard to play “In the Mood” when you’re the only one playing it and you play bass.

So, Utopia faded away.

Then I discovered the internet. New groups, Forums, chatting, IM’s, etc. The first thing you do when exploring the internet is take on a name. It was then I became Abstract Utopia again. That was in 1997. Since then I’ve plastered Abstract Utopia and Utopia all over the web.

And this is how I came to be the Utopia you all know and love. I’ve always thought Utopia would be a great name. A real name, one on a Driver’s License. My actual name is common and dull and it doesn’t really suit me. Most people don’t actually use my name when they talk to me. I’ve become “Hey you” at best (similar to Hey Zeus) and nothing at worst.

I think names are a powerful thing. They show who and what you are. The internet has allowed a lot of people to express that true self. We all take on our pen name and go at it.

So, I am Utopia. I am not perfect despite the connotation of the name. But, Utopia is the perfect persona for me.

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Days 'til Blogathon: 17

Total Raised: $90.00

Number of Sponsors: 3

We all need some good karma, so make a pledge!

To do list:

1. Grocery shopping. I should go down to the farmer’s market and buy food. The farmer’s market has the best quality food at the cheapest prices because the farmer’s market kicks ass; at least the one near my house does. They butcher their own meat; you can even watch them do it.

2. Clean the kitchen. If I am going to buy food to cook, I should tidy up the kitchen. I need to clean and organize the shelves. (We have shelves in our kitchen to make up for the sorely lacking cabinet space.) They have gone a bit helter skelter from time and use.

3. Get some new beads. I need some red beads I think, maybe amber. And I need some nice focal pieces. I also need some Nymo Thread and maybe some wire as well so I can make some fixings and earrings. I am a touch bored and need some projects that I can sit down and do at night in a single sitting. Beading is good for that. Maybe I’ll post pictures of my work, maybe not.

4. Weep because I wasn’t chosen to be a Tea Chef this month. Sign up in hopes of being chosen next month. Maybe they were not fond of my Potato Soup idea? I don’t know, I can do pastries too; I just wanted to be different.

5. Return the Netflix I have watched and hope new ones arrive before the weekend.

6. Get ready for the “big move”. On Saturday I get to help move stuff to the Father in Law’s new house, then help unpacking the boxes from the pod and the storage shed into said house. I haven’t seen the house yet, but I’ve heard it suits him. That makes me happy for him.

7. Call my brother and discuss what to do about my little (biological) sister. I should have called him yesterday, but I didn’t because I suck. Stress out a bit over this, not because of the phone call, but rather because of the subject matter.

8. Water Bruce. I moved him and he looks happy, but I need to remember to water him so he remains happy.

9. Do my radio show for Saturday. I don’t want to fall back on Hitchhiker this week.

10. Upload my radio shows. I think I will start fresh, screw the ones I haven’t uploaded, if people want them, they can ask for them. I have over 50 shows sitting on my computer and I’m not totally certain which ones I need to upload anymore. Start with last Sunday’s show and begin anew.

11. Coffee. I need coffee. Right now.

The utter ignorance of people makes me want to scream: The lack of culture, of knowledge or intellect. The lack of the will, the desire to understand. The lack of even the attempt. I truly don’t understand it.

I listen to people talk with each other and I am left dumbfounded at the things they say and the things they believe. The ignorance of it makes me want to leap up and wrap my hands around their throats and strangle the life from them. Remove them from the gene pool, to remove their nature and influence over their children. They shall quoth the raven nevermore. I know they will raise their children with the same ignorance they possess.

These people who enjoy the ass end of entertainment are like a plague. They infest everything. They don’t understand sarcasm, dark humor, satire, the understated or the inklings of culture. They don’t understand art, music, drama, comedy. They do not see the beauty in the simplistic or in the complicated. They lack the eye to see the beauty of my drowning Ophelia who sings even as she wills her death. They prefer to wallow about blindly in the basest entertainment and never stray from it.

The Muses must hate them; scorn them even. The Muses must weep every time they declare something good. The Muses must wail to the heavens every time a true work of art is left in the dust by the drivel that these people eat up. I clench my fist for the Muses; I clench my fist and feel their pain in the very soul of my being.

My beautiful Muses let me weep with you. Wrap me up in your arms of sorrow and let me weep with you.

Sweet, sweet Muse, protect me from them for I know not where else to turn.

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Days 'til Blogathon: 17

Total Raised: $90.00

Number of Sponsors: 3

We all need some good karma, so make a pledge!

Anger. They fill me with anger. I hate gossipy bitches. I really, really do. Do they really think that I can’t hear them over the wall of the cube? Do they really think that I’m fucking deaf?

I want to scream. I want to yell.

I want to leap over the wall of my cube and shout at them.

AHHHHHHHHH!!!

But my name's not Hoover and I don't give a damn.

Today, I was left want for things to do, so I started browsing some news sites. I enjoy reading various news sites to see how they talk about the same issue; I find each pages slant on different subject amusing.

I found an article that featured a little group called “Focus on the Family”. Now, I am sure most people out there (at least in the States) have heard of this group and their many escapades. You’ve probably even heard of their illustrious leader and his opines. This is the lovely group that railed against Sponge Bob (we all know that wacky, spongy cartoon is corrupting our youth with his strangely Square Pants), the Girl Scouts and the concept of Tolerance.

Seriously, they went on a tirade against tolerance. The word, the concept, the very practice of it. This boggles my mind. I am a social liberal and I make that fact at least partly obvious. (I am also rather fiscally conservative, but that is neither here nor there.) Anyway, Focus on the Family went on a tirade against tolerance. Apparently those who practice tolerance have no concept of moral right and wrong and are well on the way to accepting evil. Who knew, right?

It truly baffles me that this group went on a tirade against the Girl Scouts for being agents of “radical feminism”. We all know those skirted little misfits are spreading their crazy feministic ideas of independence every time they sell a box of cookies. I know every time I bite into a Thin Mint, I feel like I should go out and burn my brazier. And the Tagalongs make my soul yearn to do something even more radical … like get a job or study science. Those patches they earn that teach those little tykes community service, knot tying, sewing, and *gasp* self esteem are obviously putting perverse ideas into their heads.

Now, I can’t say I like the far left anymore than I like the far right. From what I can tell, both sides have their heads so far up their asses that they can’t see past their own shit. I think these two sides exist simply to prattle on and on with their messages of hate against each other. It’s pointless. Both sides seem to whine, yell and moan about how the other side is ruining the nation. The back and forth of their voices gives me a terrible headache. I just want to scream at the top of my lungs: Shut the Fuck up you fucking gits!

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Days 'til Blogathon: 18

Total Raised: $70.00

Number of Sponsors: 2

It's Karma-tastic to Sponsor me!

I have been reading a lot lately. I admit there are periods of time when I get into kicks with my reading. I generally try to read a book a day, but with work, I rarely have time to do so anymore. So, when I get into reading kicks, I find myself devouring one book after the other. At this point, used bookstores are heavenly. Cheap books by the boatload.

Now, I should say over the past several days I have read one good book and about three terrible books. There are many poorly written books out there. And I’ve read more really than I would care to admit. But that is how things are. You have to shift through the shit to find things that are worth while. Without that dichotomy, everything would languish in the realm of mediocre. You need the bad to truly appreciate the good.

So, I thought I would give you a list of my five favorite books of all time:

1. Norwegian Wood by Haruki Murakami (This is my all-time favorite book. Murakami truly does capture many of my thoughts through the entropy of his words.)
2. The Color Purple by Alice Walker (The first time I read this book I was sucked into it. I can still read it over and over and over again.)
3. Fool on the Hill by Matt Ruff (An underappreciated classic in my mind. I most definitely want to be the Bohemian Minister of Freedom.)
4. A Quiet Life by Kenzabura Oe (This man did not win the Nobel Prize for literature for nothing.)
5. The Stand by Stephen King (Yes, it’s a weakness, I know. I really like this book and this fact shames me slightly.)

Now, there are authors that I go out of my way to look for who are not on this list. I enjoy Tom Robbins, good ol’ Kurt, Chuck Palahniuk, Tim Sandlin, Jeffery Eugenidis and more recently Christopher Moore (thanks monogodo). I also read some series of books despite the fact that it drives me slightly mad not knowing how things will end. Yes, I’ve read all the Harry Potter books, but I’ve also been keeping up with the Clan of the Cave Bear series.

I love books and I love to read. If I could, I would make reading my job, but I don’t think there is much call out there for speed readers. (Not an editor or anything, just a speed reader.)

I am going on vacation.

You can't imagine how excited this makes me.

Yesterday I took a half day to get the car an oil change and a general tune-up and such. Today I am taking a decompression day so I can appreciate the vacation to it's fullest while I'm having it. I need to do my radio show for Saturday, but that is the only thing I have to do. I am taking a full day to myself.

That's not completel true. My husband and I are going over to our granny's house to spend some time with her before we leave for Mobile. As some of you may know, I am going to the Antique's Roadshow. My granny has tickets to go too, but she decided she didn't want to go. Instead, she is going to give us a few things to take for her. This works out well since we don't really have anything of our own to take. We're going to take her out to lunch and just spend a bit of time with her today. it should be nice. I like this granny. She is actually my husband's grandmother, but since she is superior to any of my grandparents, i consider her to be my granny as well.

Now, I know Mobile is really not that cool of a vacation. I mean, it is Alabama. But, I am really looking forward to the Roadshow. Maybe later today I'll post pictures of what I'm taking with little stories with them. Maybe, if I feel like it. I am lazy you know.

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Days 'til Blogathon: 23
Total Raised: $70.00
Number of Sponsors: 2

Sponsor Me!

Well, last year I was in awe of all the people who did Blogathon. I decided I too wanted to do the blogathon this year.

So I signed up.

Now, I'm sure all of my faithful minions out there are thinking: "But Utopia, you hate people, why are you doing something to help the things that you hate?"

Let's just say that while I hate people in general, I do want to help them. I'm not a completely evil person, just mostly evil. Let's call it my way of dealing with karma.

So, I am donating my money to the Georgia Special Olympics. It took me a long time to decide what organization I was going to sponsor for 24 hours of my life.I noticed a lot of people giving money to various animal shelters, Cancer Research, AIDS research and things like that, but not many people think about the mentally challenged.

I think about it a lot.

For those of you who don't know, my little sister is mentally challenged. My parents are currently going through the process of getting her declared legally disabled. This is actually a lot of work. It's one thing to have the doctors all agree, it's quite another to get the state to agree. She isn't autistic or have Downs symdrome, she is just mentally disabled. To say slow would be an understatement. She is 22 years old, but really, she is still 13. She will be 13 for the rest of her life. There are things she doesn't understand and never will. If she is declared legally disabled by the state, then she can get financial help and be put into special programs so eventually she can work.

It has already been decided that if something should happen to my parents, I will get custody of my sister. So, that is why I think about things like this. And that is why I want to sponsor the Special Olympics. I think ahead.

So, for 24 hours I will blog. I will infuse myself with caffiene and rage and raise money for a good cause. I will kick karma in the crotch, then give it an ice cream cone.

So minions, are you willing to help? Prove it!

Well, this was originally supposed to be Lamb Meatballs, but as I was standing in line at the Farmer’s Market to get my ground lamb, the lady in front of me declared that she wanted all of the remaining ground lamb. She didn’t care how much it was, she wanted all of it. Not only did she want all of that tray, but if they had another tray, she wanted that too. Grrr. Now, my Farmer’s market is extra super awesome. They actually butcher their meat right there in front of you if you ask them to. However, they don’t always have time to grind it for you. It’s enough work chopping up entire goats and lambs and cows and such. So, I was shit out of luck for my ground lamb.

Thus, my Lamb meatballs turned into Turkey meatballs. I chose turkey over pork or beef because I wanted something that would either compliment the feta or not overpower it. Beef would definitely overpower the feta flavor and pork wouldn’t compliment it well. So, Turkey it was.

So, I bought my ground turkey and some hot turkey sausage to mix in with it all. Then I got some wicked fresh Greek feta. I was ready. I had the herbs, I had the breadcrumbs, I had the egg… now it was time to cook.

Ingredients - Meatballs
1.5 lbs ground turkey
.5 lbs hot turkey sausage
½ cup bread crumbs
1 egg
½ - ¾ cup crumbled feta
Ground rosemary
Ground sage
Basil
Enough Garlic to smother a baby elephant
salt & pepper
olive oil

Ingredients – Sauce
5-8 peeled roma tomatoes, diced
1 can tomato paste
½ cup water
1 bay leaf
more garlic
½ cup sliced kalamata olives

So far as the herbs go, I don’t know exactly how much I put in. I eyeball my herbs.

Directions
1. Mix ground turkey and ground sausage with bread crumbs and egg. Blend well to make sure everything is dispersed evenly.
2. Add herbs and garlic to the mixture. Flavor it to your taste. The ground sage adds a really nice flavor to the turkey
3. Crumble Feta into the meat and lightly fold into the mixture to work the cheese through the meaty goodness.
4. Heat olive oil in a large pan. Make sure the olive oil coats the bottom evenly.
5. Roll meat into small balls. I make mine about the size of a super bounce ball. I don’t like huge meat balls, those suck.
6. Place 7 – 10 balls into the pan. You don’t want to add too many to the pan because it will cook unevenly. Each ball should be browned on every side and cooked through.
7. Remove balls and place on a paper towel.
8. Add more meatballs until all the meat is cooked.
9. Now we work on the sauce! Place all of the meatballs back into the pan. Add tomato paste and ½ cup water to the pan. Add all of the diced tomatoes. (You can use canned tomatoes for this as well. I used Italian canned whole tomatoes; it gave me some extra sauce to work with in the pan. You can also use small cans of tomato sauce if you’re lazy. I suggest mixing one can of tomato sauce with one large can of diced tomatoes if you don’t want to go through the hassle of cooking it yourself.)
10. You may need to add more tomato. Trust your judgment, the meatballs should be about halfway covered in sauce while resting in the pan. Add herbs, garlic and olives to the mix. Stir and place on low heat to simmer. Cover the meatballs and let cook for about a half hour.
11. Remove from heat and serve with Ricotta Garlic Bread.