Well, I am a loser. I am not the Shitty Blog Survivor. Oh well, I tried.

To be honest, it is sort of a relief. I realized how lazy I was and that following up on my bribe would be annoying. Now, the cookies would be easy, but making web/blog designs for all the judges would be a pain in my ass.

Of course, if aka_monty doesn’t follow through on her bribe, I’ll be the winner by default.

Webkittyn counted me off a point because she didn’t consider my husband a sex toy. And she didn’t like Buck either. I’m sure Buck is weeping now in chicken heaven along with it’s fetal offspring. Rissah thought I should win because she learned about lobster rubber bands. Monogodo thought I should win because I didn’t resort to playing my own mother. Those were pretty much the people who supported me … at least through email. Mango and Cris gave last minute shout outs to me. So, all of you who were amused by my sad, lazy attempts at winning, thanks.

I didn’t do bad for putting in as little effort as possible to get me through the competition. I think the main problem comes down to one thing.

I need more minions.

If I had more minions, I could get them to scrape and genuflect to jeckles for me. I’m not good at kissing ass. It goes against my feelings of hating people. Some days it’s hard enough to plaster my ‘work’ smile on my face.

So, here is the Utopia Minion Sign-up form.

Name: Pick out your special minion name. Everyone needs a special Minion name. Snake, Wolf and Hawkeye are already taken, as is Cupcake.

Minion Specialty: What is your specialty as a minion? Are you a 'yes' man? Are you a sneaky guileful person who will stuff ballot boxes for me? Do you have a cool eyepatch? What will you bring to the team of Utopia's Minions?

Qualifications: Have you worked as a minion before? What are your qualifications to be my minion?

If you want to prove that you’re my minion to others, you can have a button.

Now, don’t expect anything from me for being my minion. Utopia’s minions don’t get health coverage. You do get the added bonus of being automatically put on the “non-stupid person” list when I take over the world. By being on this list, it means that you won’t have to take the stupid person test and thus will avoid the chance of being taken behind the barn and shot in the head for being a complete moron. Of course, if you prove yourself stupid under Utopia’s regime, you will be taken behind the barn and shot in the head so your stupidity doesn’t infest the gene pool and corrupt my state of bliss. (Hey, if I’m ruling the world, you better fucking believe I’ll be in a state of bliss.)

Join now and become a minion. It’s an official one time offer.

Posted by Utopia at June 23, 2006 08:20 AM

Comments

Posted by: YummY! at June 24, 2006 09:40 PM

Posted by: Brongar at June 25, 2006 07:45 PM

Posted by: katkat at June 25, 2006 09:18 PM

Posted by: Mango at June 26, 2006 05:32 PM

Posted by: Seraphim at June 27, 2006 07:27 AM

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