In the Year 2050 I will turn 71 years old on 10-20. I have been thinking about what I want to be and have by the time that year rolls around. When I am sitting around bored, I often think about things like this. I pick a year at some random date in the future and think about what I will be in that year.

I like these sorts of though experiments. They amuse me. Especially these thought experiments where I am an old baba.

So, in the year 2050 I want three basic things:

1. To be old and crotchety. When you’re old, you’re allowed to be bitter and mean and people think it’s okay because you’re old. Being old earns you the right to be a grouch. I want to age quickly so I can really be my true crotchety cunt-like self and no one will mind. “Now Billy, be nice to the crazy lady, she’s old and deserves respect.” Fucking ageism.
2. I want to have crazy, frizzy-curly grey hair. I want my hair to be everywhere. I will embrace my jew-fro and let it go wild. When old and crotchety, you must have the “look” to go with it. I plan on being a cross between Einstein and Frankenstein when I am old and I must sport that look. I think I should start preparing now and stop taming the fro, but I am still too young to get away with it.
3. A shotgun. (Or whatever the shotgun equivalent is in 2050. If it involved lasers that would kick ass.) I want a shotgun so I can sit on my porch and yell at ornery kids. When old and crotchety, you have to yell at kids from your porch and make sure they feel a mixture of fear and pity for you. I can see it now, “Hey, you kids, back in my day you had to physically type entries into your blog, not just talk to your screen! We had to deal with slow broadband or cable and have cords connected to our computers that sat on our desks and not in our pockets. You little shits have it easy with your bio-computers.” I think the shotgun will be a wonderful accessory for my crazy grey jew-fro as well.

I wonder where technology will be in the year 2050. Will I be the typical old person who is unable to keep up with changes and do nothing but complain and whine about them? Or will I be that cool old lady who knows just as much as those young punks who wish to harass her for being old? I think with my shotgun equivalent it won’t matter so much.

Will we really have bio-computers in the year 2050? They already have a preliminary model of a screen that can be implanted into your arm, I figure it’s only a matter of time before they go for the whole burrito. I would love to see a Shadowrun like world grow around me. I would definitely be a cool old lady then. I’d get tattoos on my head that you could see beneath my wispy old lady hair. And I’d fight against “the Machine” and “the Man” with the powers of crotchety-ness and my shotgun equivalent. I’d be punk as fuck at 71. That would kick fucking ass.

So … here is a pointless solicitation for comments … what do you want in the year 2050?

Posted by Utopia at June 30, 2006 08:21 AM

Comments

Posted by: jeckles at June 30, 2006 08:48 AM

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