A while back, Yummy! posted some things that make you a southerner. Well, I’m not a southerner, but I do live down here. To be honest, I’m not the biggest fan of the southeast. For one, it’s too god damned humid. It’s like breathing fucking water, I hate it. Second, people rarely say what they mean and it is common for people to talk behind you back. They will never tell you to your face if they are annoyed and what you can do to change.

But, that is neither here nor there.

I am a desert person. I admit it. I get cold when the temperature drops to 60°F yet I have no problems when the thermometer rises to the point when it can’t really tell you how warm it is … so long as it’s a dry heat. So, here is a list of things that my fellow desert compatriots will understand.

- You know that there are several different kinds of cactus and not all of them have thorns.
- You know what plant makes tumbleweeds and they grow in your yard.
- You know that Coyotes are not majestic creatures, but rather scraggly, scrawny varmints who raid your trash can.
- You know that a javelina and a peccary are the same animal, but they are not the same as a wild pig. (You also know that javelina is pronounced Ha-Vey-Lee-Nah and not like a pointed throwing apparatus used in the Olympics.)
- You know that jalapenos are not spicy peppers, they are for flavor.
- A large body of water is anything you can’t throw a stone across.
- You know what a tarantula crossing is.
- You know not to touch the armadillo because if you do your hand might really, eventually rot off.
- You know that just because the rain only lasted for 20 minutes, it doesn’t mean that you didn’t get three inches.
- You know that just because it is 100 degrees during the day, it doesn’t mean that you don’t need a light jacket for the evening.
- You know the difference between an aloe plant, an agave plant and a yucca plant on sight. You also know what they all can be used for.
- You laugh at people who build wood houses.
- You know the difference between a hare, a jackrabbit and a bunny.
- You can walk into a McDonalds and get green chili on your burger if you want it.
- You know the difference between chili and “Texas chili” and that at restaurants you have to specify which you mean.
- You know that anything can be eaten inside of a tortilla because that is truly the most portable of food.
- You know that you don’t go outside without wearing shoes if you value your feet.
- You know that a pink, light purple, light blue and turquoise motif is an affront to the term “Southwest”.
- You don’t have “outside” cats unless you want to serve up a nice buffet for the local wildlife.
- You know that enchiladas can be served with an egg on top if you request it. You also know what it means when they ask “Red or green?” .
- You know that you shouldn’t walk too close to the cholla because they “jump” at you and then you will instantly have thorns everywhere, most of which you can’t even see.
- You’ve put deep thought into what kind of tortillas you prefer. Corn or flour? Thick or Thin? Large or small?
- Instead of hash browns, you often ask for a side of pinto beans with your breakfast and the waitress smiles at you.
- You know not to drive when it rains or snows because the roads become a deathtrap due to the fact that everyone suddenly forgets how to drive.
- Most of the people you know have tiled floors, but you know almost no one with wood floors.
- You know a sopapilla can be a dessert or a meal depending on what you serve on it.
- You’ve been across the border just to get cheap drinks.
- You know that tequila doesn’t come with a worm, mescal does.

Posted by Utopia at June 14, 2006 08:32 AM

Comments

Posted by: monogodo at June 14, 2006 09:24 AM

Posted by: Ginger at June 14, 2006 10:34 AM

Posted by: monogodo at June 18, 2006 02:25 AM

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