Jeckles wants to get rich so he doesn’t have to work or something like that. I suspect he really wants to get rich so he doesn’t have to deal with stupid people at work. Fucking people.

So, jeckles needs a life plan to get rich. I’ve come up with several ideas for him to make massive amounts of money from the stupid people he so loathes. It seems the most fair that way.

1. Shitty Porn Club – This would be a subsidiary of the Shitty Blogs club. Charge $5.95 a week to access the site (because stupid people would assume it is $5.95 a month as that is what most things charge by.) This site would have cheap, shitty porn on it. You would get people into amateur and through the wonders of the search engine, the fecal-philiacs. He could get nekkid pictures from the shitty bloggers who already seem to have the desire to bare all for him. Having the power of his shitty minions to back him up, he could take everything as profit.

2. Silly eBay tricks. There was someone who sold his soul on eBay for $50 grand. What the fuck right? There is another guy who started by selling a paper clip and traded this item up and is up to a house from said paperclip. This is my silly eBay trick for jeckles: make a box. Paints it black and put a shiny question mark on it. People like black things with shiny bits on them, it looks sleek and cool. Take some random items from around your house and put them in said box. Sell said box on eBay as “Super Fabulous Mystery Stuff from the Shitty Blog Master”. (People like Mystery and chance, it’s like gambling. They also like anything that says “Master” on it, it makes it feel important.) Watch the auction spiral out of control and rake in profits. Lather, Rinse, Repeat.

3. Start a “Psychic” hotline. Hire people who have cool accents to work for you. Charge $3.25 a minute for people to give cryptic and vague advice. Hell, hire people with fake funny accents and hand them a deck of tarot cards and a little booklet. They can read right out of the booklet to numbnuts who call the line. Put a hook on the “Psychic” hotline – the psychics are also science geeks and therefore credible.

4. Same as a above, but a “Geek Sex” hotline. You can charge more for this. Plug it as “Geeks with Huge Tits who are Hot 4 l33t g4|v|3rz”.

5. Sign up to be a reverend at Universal Life Church. Offer your services to do “Star Trek” and other sci-fi themed weddings. You can have the wedding party provide costumes and travel expenses. Bask in the geekiness and the cash that comes rolling in. Anyone can be married by Elvis, but how many people can say they’ve been married by a Vulcan?

6. Create a religion. (Or Cult. Whatever.) Televangelists can make 20mil a year and only work on Sundays. Imagine what you could make with a religion that doesn’t have guilt. You could preach being shitty to stupid people. Stupid people being everyone who doesn’t hang on your every word and take it as fucking gospel.

Well, those are my suggestions for jeckles.

Be Proud. Be Shitty.

Posted by Utopia at May 31, 2006 08:30 AM

Comments

Posted by: Seraphim at May 31, 2006 11:42 AM

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