I was reading the blogs I generally read everyday (well, everyday or when they update, whichever is more appropriate). I read WebKittyn’s blog today and I was touched by how she wrote about being a nice person. I enjoyed her letter to the bitter souls out there and I realized that perhaps I am one of those bitter souls.

I don’t think I’m a nice person.

Of course, I don’t think I’m a mean/bitchy person either.

In the spectrum of nice, what is the in between? What is the green wavelength of nice? I don’t know if I’m really a bitter person, but I am definitely not the most chipper in the world. I am not an optimistic person but I do try (with great effort mind you) to look for good things around me. If anything, I am a forced optimistic. I do see the bad in situations, but I also force myself to see the good.

I am the type of person who won’t give money to a bum when they walk up to me, but I will give them one of my donuts. I wouldn’t stop to help someone being beaten up by a gang of several people, but I would stop and help someone who just fell down. I would hit someone who hit me first. I would look through someone’s diary (I read blogs after all… what is more voyeuristic than that?). I would laugh at someone’s high school pictures and snicker at their baby pictures, but always tell them that they looked good/funny/whatever it is they looked like with a smile on my face and honesty in my mouth. I’d never make fun of someone for being fat, disabled, buck-toothed, ugly, smelly or geeky; but I do make fun of people who are ignorant. I feel comfortable around very nearly anyone, but if I feel awkward around you, I’ll avoid you.

I’m not nice. I’m not mean.

I’m ambivalent.

I try never to say anything mean behind people’s backs, but I do it from time to time. I try never to hurt anyone’s feelings without honestly meaning what I say, but I’ve got a repressed temper that occasionally flares to the surface making me rather hulk-like.

Like Webkittyn, I didn’t have a “crew” per say in high school. I could fit in with anyone: jocks, nerds, music geeks, goths, cowboys, whatever. I didn’t care and I still don’t. She also said one thing that struck me:

This is who and what I am. I am nice. I am kind. I am not a doormat.

I think maybe people grow bitter because they are or were doormats and being bitter is the only way they have to lash out. By being mean, they keep people an arm’s length away and then don’t need to worry about being a doormat anymore. Perhaps others are just so insecure with themselves, they have to talk people down to make themselves feel better. In this day and age who should be surprized by this? Everywhere we turn there is another thing to point out to us another reason to be unhappy with the way we are. Your Looks, Your hair, Your skin, your clothes, your car, your house… the list goes on and on. Who can blame people for being bitter in a world that constantly demeans you?

I suppose too many people are concerned with all the things that can make you insecure and thus lash out with bitter anger.

My solution: buck up and go watch some reruns of Mister Rogers instead of American idol. He likes you just for being you. You should like you too.

Posted by Utopia at March 27, 2006 11:11 AM

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Comments

Posted by: WebKittyn at March 27, 2006 06:12 PM

Posted by: katkat at March 27, 2006 06:48 PM

Posted by: fungus at March 28, 2006 01:47 AM

Posted by: YummY! at March 29, 2006 08:19 PM

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