Abstract Utopia - I am a Desert.

When Bears Attack!

December 27, 2005
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One of my geologist friends from college has been working in Alaska. He works summers, makes a shit pot load of money and fucks off for the rest of the year traveling about. anyway, he is in town and going to come over. We're going to have fondue*.

He went up to Alaska with this asswipe whom I shall call Bob for the sake of calling him something. Bob was a real chode munch. I didn't like him at all. He smelled awful, had bad habits, was a sore winner (and loser) and was just an overall bad person who made me want to stab my pencil into his eye, pluck it out and dance like a leprechaun about the room taunting him with "I got your eye, I got your eye!"

Anyway, apparently, he got mauled by a bear.

No seriously.

A bear fucking mauled him.

In the words of my geologist friend, "he got tore up by a bear."

I laughed. I laughed and laughed. Who the fuck gets mauled by a bear** these days? I mean really?! Is this Karma rearing it's ugly head? Or just some sort of event that was designed to make me laugh?

I should feel bad because he got mauled by a bear and that can't be pleasant.

But I don't.

Fuck him. He was a sackless twat. If anyone in the world deserved to be mauled by a bear, it was him. Fucker. Maybe he'll learn something from the ordeal. But, knowing him, he won't.

My great-grandmother also died. She wasn't mauled by a bear, but she should have been. She was a mean old bag. She never said anything nice to me. Ever. Everything that fell out of her mouth was either spiteful, mean or just plain crazy. She was not a nice person.

The more I think about it, the more I realize, my family sucks. And not in the good way. All of the women in my family turn mean as they age. Not just bitter, but crazy mean. Not senile, not demented, just mean. I think there is a point where they just fucking snap and go bad. Is it from holding it in when faced with the plethora of stupid people around? Is it from being the doormat of the men they married? I don't know.

I like to think I'm a pleasant enough person.

Then I laugh my ass off when someone I didn't like get's mauled by a bear.

Thing aren't looking up for my old age.

Ah well. Such is life.

* I got a fondue set for x-mas. I don't know what the fuck to do with it so I may as well use it when I have company over. If this turns me into a yuppie I swear I will go ape shit on someone.

** There was that one guy who got his face and genitals eaten off by crazy chimps, but that wasn't a bear. This is why people should own guns or... you know, not taunt bears. Fuckers.

Posted by Utopia at December 27, 2005 03:51 PM

Comments

I am an even bigger fondue whore than I am a link whore, fondue is the ultimate all purpose food!

Cheese fondue: Tastes amazing and is also a Wintery food that can be a great mood enhancer. A snowy night, a soft rug on the floor, a fireplace, a pot of fondue and thee. Messy, feed-each-other good time stuff.

Chocolate fondue: Most people love strawberries, give me honeydew and bananas any time. I have some awesome recipes for orange cream, vanilla and lemon type fondue at home.

Oil fondue: Tempura, tempura, tempura. Fried cheese. Mmmm. Once the fear of an oil fire subsides it's amazing.

It goes on and on, I'll post some fondue recipes when I get home. I live on the stuff all winter long and trusssst me, it doesn't make you a yuppie.

Fondue is the ultimate in cheesy goodness.

Posted by: WebKittyn at December 27, 2005 04:37 PM

My wife and I use one of our two fondue sets (one electric, one not) to make cocktail weenies for parties. We've got a great recipe that uses Jack Daniel's in the sauce.

I might have to bust it out for NYE.

Speaking of which, we used to go to a Fondue restaurant for NYE, until it got to be too expensive.

Posted by: monogodo at December 28, 2005 06:43 PM

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