I can't seem to get into roleplay lately. At least not on Shadow Siege. I feel very peripheral lately. Like no matter what I do or how I try to get involved, it doesn't matter. I feel like no matter what I try to do, it won't make any difference what so ever. It is like the plot goes on without me even when I try to get involved into it and effect it. Once you're outside the loop, it doesn't matter what the hell you do, you'll remain outside of it; no matter what sort of new charater you create to get involved.

I have fallen into a small circle of people I roleplay with regularly. I've formed this clique so I have someone to roleplay with. Most everyone else either doesn't let my characters roleplay with them, ignores me or avoids me completely. And they do it as a player, not as a character which pisses me off even more. (You'd think with 15+ people roleplaying in a room, one of them would acknowledge my character when she actually steps up and gets involved. But no, of course not.)

Of course, I think most other people are guilty of doing the exact same thing; sticking with their little circle of people they like to roleplay with and ignoring everyone else unless they absolutely have to pay attention. I try to expand out into other cliques, but it is damn near impossible ot get in on them. Especially those involving the Staff characters (and thus the plot). I must admit guilt to some of this as well as most of the other characters all seem exactly the same. Like gingerbread people cut out from a plain, unspiced dough. I'm incredibly bored by these characters. I try very hard to give my characters separate personalities (and a personality in general). It doesn't seem to me like anyone notices or cares. I try to spice things up a bit with a character who should be fun, interesting and witty and people hardly bat an eye.

Perhaps it is because I find the eternal angst boring. The droning behavior of everyone acting like a 15 year old goth kid gets to me. Even in the harshest times, people still retained personality. I find myself bored with the people who all have created new thieves with the exact same personality. It is the monotony and blandness of the people that annoys me. It annoy the fuck out of me that the plot revolves around a choice few players. I say players and not characters because it is the players the plot gravitates toward. It pisses me off that people associate one character forever with the player and can't separate out the fact that they may have other characters who are incredibly different.

Perhaps it is my own fault because I hate pestering the staff with roleplay shit. I'm not constantly on the pray/petition channel asking for favours or information. Perhaps it's that fact that leaves me uninvolved. I don't know. Perhaps it's the fact that I rarely roleplay with their characters. Perhaps it's a number of things.

Perhaps it's the fact that I won't rant to their faces because my annoyance are my own damn problem. It's their game and they can run it as they please and what I say/think shouldn't make one damn bit of difference to them.

Perhaps it is just a general malaise with the game itself. Things have become predictable. Easily predictable. I can roleplay with a new character for about 10 minutes and figure out who they (with the roleplay ticks and grammar quirks aside) are because the character has the same exact personality as the last character the person played. I find myself becoming more and more of a terse smart ass with people. So much so that I'm to the point where I just don't talk on open channels much anymore.

I am seriously contemplating quitting. Just walking away without saying anything to anyone. I'll finish my caverns and caves (all 200+ rooms of it) and just walk away. I've been having fun playing a few other games lately: Webkittyn's game Time of Darkness and ES (something the staff of SS would probably strangle me for).

Eh. We'll see. Perhaps my new character will be fun and exciting and involved and able to do things.