I have read my share of unamusing completely boring blogs. You have no idea. So few people have anything of worth to say. But, that is blogging. Blogging and bloggers are shitty. I am shitty. Does anyone really give two shits about anything I say? No. Probably not. Hell, most of the time I don't even give a rat's ass about what I say. I am (in the words of Mango, though not in reference to me) an unfunny whore.

I think I've had maybe three posts worth reading. Maybe. This is my personal blog. It's not here to entertain you. I am honestly surprized people read this tripe. I do have blogs that are supposed to be entertaining, but this isn't one of them.

I'd like to think I'm witty, but most days I'm just drole. I'd like to think I have insightful things to say, but most of the ime it's pointless. Everything I write here can be read somewhere else. Sure it won't be written by a crazy genius nuclear physicist (or will it?), but it'll basically be the same.

I could write things to entertain you here. I could write amusing satire or create schizophrenic personalities of myself and muse about petty, pithy problems. But, this is my personal blog and I don't care that much. I write bad haiku here. I post about nifty science-ee things I found. I write and roleplaying. I write about politics and music. I write some personal philosophy. This things are for me.

If you want a blog that is to entertain you: try the Dive Bar Verses, The Rantallion, or any of the many blogs on Blogs of Roleplay.

But, just so all the people who leave comments don't feel too awkward. I will leave you with a joke that's purpose is to entertain you.

Ahem. This joke is not suitable for children. Or women. Or people.

Once, three whores were in a bar drinking as whores tend to do. Business was slow that night and so they decided to have a contest. The first whore looks over to the other two and winks her thickly mascaraed eyelashes at them.

"I'll bet I can take a bigger dick that both of you."

One of the other whores looks at her and laughs. "Oh, I've had some big dick in my time, I'll take that bet." The third whore remained silent, but put her money on the counter.

So, the first whore looks at a vodka bottle and nods at it, "I've had a dick that big and took it all."

"Prove it."

So the whore gets the vodka bottle and takes it up her cooch. The second whore nods slightly. "That's good, but I've had bigger." She points to the magnum of champagne in the corner. "I've had one that big and took it all." Like the first whore, she gets the bottle and rams it up her cooch.

She third whore quietly takes the money from the bar. She shakes her head and smirks as she slides down the barstool.

A new version of Firefox comes out today.

I realized that Firefox came out November 9th, 2004 and it just recently had its fist birthday. I have been using Firefox since day one. (Perhaps -days as I had been using Mozilla and the Firefox beta for it as well) Wacky. It has reached it 100 millionth download and has only been around for a year.

Rock on.

Hats off to the best web browser I've ever used. And Kudos for being able to add spiffy .css tags that only work in the Mozilla browsers.

if you don't have Firefox. Get it. It rocks.

Inside of this lays a roleplaying rant with a specific game I play. It is a bit terse, sarcastic and bitchy. I'm not proud of it, but I had to write it out because if I can't have a shitty rant on my own damn blog, then what good is it? This is a rant for me and me alone. Read at your own risk.

I can't seem to get into roleplay lately. At least not on Shadow Siege. I feel very peripheral lately. Like no matter what I do or how I try to get involved, it doesn't matter. I feel like no matter what I try to do, it won't make any difference what so ever. It is like the plot goes on without me even when I try to get involved into it and effect it. Once you're outside the loop, it doesn't matter what the hell you do, you'll remain outside of it; no matter what sort of new charater you create to get involved.

I have fallen into a small circle of people I roleplay with regularly. I've formed this clique so I have someone to roleplay with. Most everyone else either doesn't let my characters roleplay with them, ignores me or avoids me completely. And they do it as a player, not as a character which pisses me off even more. (You'd think with 15+ people roleplaying in a room, one of them would acknowledge my character when she actually steps up and gets involved. But no, of course not.)

Of course, I think most other people are guilty of doing the exact same thing; sticking with their little circle of people they like to roleplay with and ignoring everyone else unless they absolutely have to pay attention. I try to expand out into other cliques, but it is damn near impossible ot get in on them. Especially those involving the Staff characters (and thus the plot). I must admit guilt to some of this as well as most of the other characters all seem exactly the same. Like gingerbread people cut out from a plain, unspiced dough. I'm incredibly bored by these characters. I try very hard to give my characters separate personalities (and a personality in general). It doesn't seem to me like anyone notices or cares. I try to spice things up a bit with a character who should be fun, interesting and witty and people hardly bat an eye.

Perhaps it is because I find the eternal angst boring. The droning behavior of everyone acting like a 15 year old goth kid gets to me. Even in the harshest times, people still retained personality. I find myself bored with the people who all have created new thieves with the exact same personality. It is the monotony and blandness of the people that annoys me. It annoy the fuck out of me that the plot revolves around a choice few players. I say players and not characters because it is the players the plot gravitates toward. It pisses me off that people associate one character forever with the player and can't separate out the fact that they may have other characters who are incredibly different.

Perhaps it is my own fault because I hate pestering the staff with roleplay shit. I'm not constantly on the pray/petition channel asking for favours or information. Perhaps it's that fact that leaves me uninvolved. I don't know. Perhaps it's the fact that I rarely roleplay with their characters. Perhaps it's a number of things.

Perhaps it's the fact that I won't rant to their faces because my annoyance are my own damn problem. It's their game and they can run it as they please and what I say/think shouldn't make one damn bit of difference to them.

Perhaps it is just a general malaise with the game itself. Things have become predictable. Easily predictable. I can roleplay with a new character for about 10 minutes and figure out who they (with the roleplay ticks and grammar quirks aside) are because the character has the same exact personality as the last character the person played. I find myself becoming more and more of a terse smart ass with people. So much so that I'm to the point where I just don't talk on open channels much anymore.

I am seriously contemplating quitting. Just walking away without saying anything to anyone. I'll finish my caverns and caves (all 200+ rooms of it) and just walk away. I've been having fun playing a few other games lately: Webkittyn's game Time of Darkness and ES (something the staff of SS would probably strangle me for).

Eh. We'll see. Perhaps my new character will be fun and exciting and involved and able to do things.

You know, Saddam Hussein just isn't as scary without his beret. The pictures form his trial make him look like ol' Uncle Bob home for the holidays. Of course, we all know that good ol' Uncle Bob was crazy and had a mean streak when he imbibed in a bit too much liquor. Like good ol' uncle Bob, Saddam was a beligerant little man in court, refusing to accept it's authority. Like our soused uncle Bob, he went on a mini-tirade about the conditions of the court and his treatment.

"None of you ever speak to me unless you want something." "I am my own boss, no one controls me!" "I don't want you to alert them! I want you to order them. They are in our country. You are an Iraqi, you are sovereign and they are foreigners, invaders, and occupiers."

Okay, maybe Uncle Bob never said anything like the last statement, but if he had been the supreme tyrant of a small, but wealthy country, he would have.

Like Thanksgiving dinner, many of the other Uncles didn't show. Four defense lawyers didn't show their faces near the court, much less in it. I suppose it was a family get together they were trying to distance themselves from. Of course, I can't blame them. I too ditched Thanksgiving. Of course, I didn't have the fear that my fat Aunt Reba would fire a mortar into my turkey sending bits of stuffing shrapnel everywhere.

The trial of Saddam opened with its first witness today. It was a video confession and apparently not incredibly strong evidence wise against Saddam himself. Most of what the witness said about him was circumstantial and hear say. If Saddam was any other man, this testimonial would mean nothing, however, I'm sure people will take it as the near gospel truth. The testimony was apparently much more damning to Saddam's Vice President Taha Yassin Ramadan.

This trial is going to be a long and tedious one, but we all know how its going to end. For now, the trial is just for show. We're just waiting for the New Years fireworks to sound both the end and the beginning.

Well, a while back I promised I would take pictures of the rbead I made. This was not as easy as I thought it would be as people ate it all. So, I made some more for my husband. I couldn't get a picture of a whole loaf as it was half gone before I remembered that I made it to take pictures of it.

So... here is a picture of some fresh Sweet Potato Bread. Well, it is only half a loaf, but here it is.

Today I will be making more bread. Probably some pumpkin bread and some clover leaf butter rolls. Yummy!

I am a sneaky sneaky ninja! Well, not really, but I'd like to think so.

But, that is neither here nor there. If you know me, you know why I've posted the above statement. If not, then I shall continue to be a sneaky ninja. I will be one of those ninjas that wears the bright white socks and friggin jingle bells on my shoes. I am working on trying to "skin" my blog here. This means I am working on more templates. More than likely, I will be far too lazy to actually skin the site and instead just post the templates for all to enjoy. I'll give them to WebKittyn since she is my super awesome webmistress.

I will keep the graphics and such simply so text can be added atop them and I don't have to make individual graphics for all of them. I figure I'll set the graphics I do make as backgrounds and then let people modify everything else all on their own. Fun yes?

Aside from that, I have spent the day listening to all the Mango Radio shows I've neglected. Crash, Mango, Monogodo, SBC, Webkittyn, anti-[radio]... I've almost caught up. I've just about listened to all the shows from the past two weeks.

More people should listen to Mango's show. He has a damn good show. He's amusing and tells us stories and stuff. On top of that, he plays good music. He thinks that more people listen to my show than his, but that's a lie. He turns on the station at work and leaves it running on the day of his show. Sadly, I too leave the radio station running on the day of my show to up my ratings. Yup. Me and Mango had the same idea to try to make ourselves look cool compared to the super-popular WebKittyn and Jeckles. Monogodo also has a pretty good show. I love his mellow voice. It makes me warm and fuzzy on the inside. Crash's show is even pretty good. He plays fun music. He talks about salted meat products. They inspire me to actually try becuase my show just isn't as good as theirs.

But then I remember how lazy I am. Oh yeah. I am really lazy. The only thing I've got going for me is that I say cunt and swear a lot. I don't think anyone gives a crap about my "Spotlight On" segments or much of anything else. Meh. I enjoy doing it. I learn things. So the rest of you can fuck off.

No one is here at work today. Everyone either took the day off or left early. I have little to do. No, let me rephrase. I have little I want to do. I have paperwork and reports I have to write. I'm sitting in my cube rather than doing something useful in the lab because of it all. On a positive note, it looks like I'm being promoted. Sometime next year I will become a "Project Cooridinator". I don't know what that means yet, but it sounds to me like I'll be given free range over a new project. That emans I'll be able to do science for a change instead of paperwork. I'm looking forward to it. More than likely I will be put in charge of the Laser project or maybe the BUN project. I'm sure that means shit to you all. I am hoping for the laser project. I don't know a whole lot about chemistry (I'm a fucking physicist, not a medical chemist), so I would prefer to stick with the optics side of things. We shall see. There is the horrible feeling that the only reason I'm getting this position is because I do paperwork and get it done when I say I will.

Yup... this has turned into a babble.

Man, I havn't felt all science sexy in weeks now. I see my lab coat hanging there in my cubicle and it makes me sad because I can't think of an excuse to get myself into the lab. My labcoat has pinstripes. It's sexy. It is also stained with Fluorescein, Nickel Sulphate, Methylene Blue and Oxalic Acid, so it glows and is many colours. Well, one of them is. I have several labcoats, but that is my favourite.

Fuck.

I have crossed the line into nerd.

I have a favourite labcoat.

I'm just going to go an wallow in a bit o' sorrow now.

All is great guys, but I belive (a href=http://Imagoddamnedchodemonkey.sacklesstwat.com)vortelucius(/a) is much better.

This is the spam message I got on every single one of my posts. I got this message not only in the regular comments on every single post, but also in the junk comments on each post. I changed the link above because I do not in any way want to promote this wanker. I have 113 posts on my blog, which means I had to delete this comment spam 226 times.

So, this was done by Kamurangous with some stupid freegiemail.com email address and a webpage that I won’t post.

I think blog spammers belong in something akin to the 4th circle of Dante’s hell for the Avaricious and Prodigals. They will be forever doomed to walk in circles pushing rock and bumping into each other and getting nothing accomplished.

Thank you Kamurangous, for wasting my time this morning.

I now return you to your regular scheduled blog.

(For the love of all that is sacred...No... I am not having a child. Fooled you with that title though, didn't I?)

Well, as of last Friday, my mom and dad started going through the process to acquire me two new sisters. Now that the two little girls are legally severed from their father, my parents have started the adoption process. So, I will have two baby sisters. My parents are having their names changed to Hebrew names. They will be Sussannah (formerly known as Lexine) and Aliyah (formerly known as Allie). They are good little girls and deserve the best.

Sussannah is the older of the two at three years old. Aliyah is two. Sussannah has a disease called neurofibromatosis. It causes tumors to grow on the ends of her nerves. Right now her case is listed as "moderate", but I have to admit my ignorance on the subject. I know little to nothing about diseases. I do know that this is not something to be taken lightly though. For more info:

Neurofribromatosis Information Page

My brother thinks my parents are crazy for adopting these little girls. But, I think if it makes them happy, then they should enjoy it. Especially seeing as they will more than likely not be getting any grandchildren from me.

Well, in the quest to make Mango Radio bigger and better. We're trying to come up with a new slogan. So, of course I had to toss in my two cents. Being the smart ass that I am, I decided to make this slogan as a joke. This is of course a Mango Radio haiku slogan. I love really bad haiku, so of course I had to do this. of course, this isn't my real entry for the slogan, but it amused me for the 2 minutes it took me to make this.

Speaking of Mango Radio, the website over there has gotten a bit of a face lift. Certain shows on Mango have gotten extraordinarily popular. (Not mine, I do believe I am actually the least popular show... well, maybe the second least popular after Crash.) Because of people like Webkittyn and Shitty Blogs Club Dj Jeckles we've gone and upgraded our server. Again. We have lots of listeners now and it is kind of exciting. Hopefully, some of those listeners will gravitate toward my show. I've already captured YummY in my net from the SBC radio and Jorizon from WebKittyn's show. My goal is to have as many listeners as Crash and Mango do. It's not asking a whole lot really, I think I can manage it. Slowly, but surely I will get there.

Perhaps if I come up with a really great slogan and theme for my show. Or move to Saturdays rather than Sundays. (Or maybe both. I can swing two shows a week I think. Maybe I'll convince my husband to co-host one with me. That would be fun. It would be "Utopia and Sparky's Music for Cats".)

Yup. I definately need a life.

I am seriously contemplating starting up a template area on the site. It would be a place where people can get free templates that are easy to use and set up. I have been toying with the idea for a little while now. Basically from the first time I designed someone elses MT blog.

More and more people have been asking me for templates and blog designs lately. They have been asking for graphics and help designing their pages. I know MT can be a little confusing for a beginner who isn't familiar with Style Sheets and how they work. It took me a while to really understand them myself. I think I have a good solid grasp of how they work now though.

Maybe I will just give a bunch of templates to WebKittyn and she can use them for Blogs of Roleplay and Blogs of Realplay. Or I'll post zip files here for people to take. I'm not really certain yet honestly. I have several stylesheets and templates done, but I'd like to have new graphics for them ass as they were rather blog specific ones.

Or perhaps I'll just stick with what I'm doing now and design them for people as they ask me for them. One whole personal template (stylesheet, main index, archive pages, comment pages and personal graphics) takes me about a day to do now. That's really not too horrible. Once I have several base designs down, it will take me much shorter as it will only involve me doing new graphics for them. We shall see.

Look, its new, its improved. I even fixed the archives so they aren't shitty and they do fall into line as they should. I'm not completely worthless. I can actually code. I did this one all by myself. I got a bit of help with general layout style sheet coding at Intensivstation and Learning Movable Type. But once I actually sat down and did it, it wasn't that hard. This once again proves how lazy I am. Well, I have the template done for my friend now. I just need to make his graphics for him. I hope he likes it.

Look ma! I'm zen!

And, just so you all know, the kanji in the picture is the kanji for Utopia. It means Dream Fly. I had that done by a calligraphy master when I went to Japan Fest. I made it into a spiffy photoshop brush and did the sumi orchid myself. I really like how that picture pulls the whole page together. It worked out much nicer than I thought it would.

Okay, I'm really fucking tired. I only got 5 hours of sleep last night and it looks like it will be the same tonight. I hate being an insomniac. I need to get my mind to shut up. Or get myself sleeping pills.

So, I am almost done with my new blog layout. I don't know how much I like it yet, but you all can see it here:

http://www.blogsofrealplay.com/Members/Utopia/indextest.html

It's not a bad layout, but I need to finish up some of the graphics. The blank square in the corner will have an image in it by the time I'm through and I need to clean up a bit of the stylesheet stuff.

I'm not certain I like the new layout, but I spent about two hours this morning working on the .css sheet and the new index, so I figure I'll wind up using it anyway. I am also contemplating centering the whole thing, though I'm not certain if I will as it will probably break the whole thing in IE like my last one did.

Alrighty, I quite literally made up this recipe as I was pouring ingredients into the bowl. When making bread, so long as you remember the basics, it's not hard at all to modify existing bread recipes. For this recipe, I modified a plain, white bread recipe. Thinking back on it, I think I should have modified a wheat bread recipe as it would have made a richer, more solid bread, but I didn't want the flavour of the flour to overpower the flavour of the pumpkin.

I used fresh pie pumpkins to make this bread. I peeled and cubed the pumpkins and boiled them in sugar water (rather than salt water, not a lot of sugar, just a couple of tablespoons). This made it so I didn't have to add any more granulated sugar to the recipe. Instead, I used a cup of the left over sugar water (now pumpkin infused) to activate the yeast. I pureed the pumpkin cubes in my food processor and added a touch of cinnamon and ground clove to them. I ground the spices with my mortal and pestle because I've always through that pre-ground spices lose some of their flavour. Also, the mortar and pestle (marble, I hate the wooden ones and the ceramic ones) will add a touch of heat to the spices as you grind them down and this really brings out the flavour and will help to infuse the pureed pumpkin.

I sat over my bowl and contemplated what should go into the bread. For a sweetener, I went with a small amount of brown sugar and a dollop of honey. The Honey will turn down the bitterness of the yeast and the brown sugar will add a bit of molassas to the bread to cut down the possible tang on the pureed pumpkin. The brown sugar will also cut the natural bitterness of the honey I happen to use. (I use sourwood honey... yes, different honies have very different flavours. You need to think about this when adding it to recipes.)

Now, if you are too lazy to take the time to make fresh pumpkin, you can use the stuff in the can just as well. I am going to present the recipe based on that assumption.

1 cup pureed pie pumpkin (8oz of pumpkin in a can)
2 Tablespoons granulated sugar
1 cup lukewarm water
1/4 cup brown sugar
cloves and cinnamon
2 packages dry active yeast
5-7 cups flour
2 Tablespoons honey
1 egg

1. Activate the yeast by adding mixing the granulated sugar with the yeast and slowly mixing in the lukewarm water. Let it stand until it becomes foamy.
2. Mix a dash of ground clove and ground cinnamon to the pumpkin puree.
3. Add pumpkin, brown sugar, egg, honey and 2 cups of flour to the foamy, yeasty water and stir until well blended.
4. Slowly add in flour until a stiff dough is formed. The dough should pull off the sides of the bowl.
5. Knead the dough by hand on a well floured surface.
6. Shape into a ball and place into a greased bowl to rise. Cover with a plastic bag and allow the dough to rise until it has doubled in size. Make sure the place where you leave the bread to rise is warm.
7. Turn dough out onto a floured surface and knead again.
8. Shape the bread how you wish to bake it. I did the following:
• Separate the dough into 18 small balls.
• Roll out into half inch thick circles.
• On the top of the circle of dough, spread a thin layer of pureed pumpkin over the top.
• Fold circle in half and pinch closed.
• Allow the semi-circular pumpkin pocket to rise for about a half hour
9. Brush the surface of the bread with melted butter. If desires, sprinkle the top with roasted pumpkin seeds.
10. Bake in an oven preheated to 375°F.
11. Take out when the top is a golden brown colour and it sounds hollow when you thump the top.
12. Cool on a rack.

That's it. Yummy.

Well, to come up with this recipe (yes, I did it all by myself, I have that skill, or I like to think I do). I thought about some of the properties of sweet potatoes. First, and most obviously, they are generally orange. This should add a nice colour to the rbead when it's done.

The sweet potato or Ipomoea batatas is native to Peru. Unlike a yam, the sweet potato is smooth, moist and sweet rather than starchy. So, in making this bread I couldn't do a regular potato bread as the starch is essential to it. Generally, rather than bread, people turn these potatoes into pies because of the texture and flavour they have.

To really bring out the flavour of the sweet potato, I decided to use pineapple as a sweetener/liquid base for my bread. I got the idea, quite frankly, from a recipe I loath and despise for candied sweet 'taters. However, the flavours should mesh well when added to flour and yeast. The yeast should bring out the pineapple's bite and the sweet potato's tang.

Because of this, I thought it would be best to modify a Hawaiian Sweet Bread recipe. Most people don't know it, but hawaiian sweet bread uses a potato bread as a base. Because the sweet potato has so much natural sugar, i will be cutting out part of the sugar usually used in the recipe (not all, I need it to activate the yeast still, though i could probably use the pineapple juice to do it alone). I will be adding a few things that should bring out the potato's flavour as well. A touch of ginger, maybe a scant dash of nutmeg and fresh vanilla.

As you can see, I put a lot of thought into my new recipes. My last adventure in bread was a pan suave that came out quite nicely. I used a few ground sunflower seeds in the flour and it really brought the whole flavour together.

Anyway, next I had to think about the shape that would best produce this loaf. I am opting for a plain, round loaf baked on a flat pan surrounded by a bed of salt. The salt will help to absorb excess moisture and give the bread a good crust. The potato has the chance of giving me a mushy bread, so I'll need a bit of the drying out done in the oven. I will also be using my baking stone to make sure my bread cooks evenly. All bakers should get a baking stone. It is essential to evenly baked bread. Trust me.

Anyway... onto the recipe!

2 packages dry, active yeast
1 1/2 cups pineapple juice
1/3 cup sugar
2 eggs
1/4 cup butter
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon vanilla
1 tablespoon butter
2 tablespoon honey
1 cup mashed sweet potatoes (or pureed in a food processor)
4-6 cups all purpose flour

1. Heat pineapple juice to a luke warm temperature (about 110° F). Dissolve 1 Tablespoon of sugar into the liquid in a large bowl.
2. Stir in yeast. Let it stand 5-10 minutes until it gets foamy (no, no, no squirrelly wrath).
3. Add the rest of the sugar, mashed sweet potatoes. eggs, 1/4 cup butter, salt, vanilla, ginger, honey, a pinch of nutmeg, a dash of allspice and 2 cups of flour.
4. Stir until well blended.
5. Mix in flour slowly. Continue adding flour until a ball of dough forms and pulls away from the sides of the bowl.
6. Turn dough out onto a surface and knead vigorously. You want the flour to form gluten with the potato.
7. Lightly grease a clean bowl and place the kneaded ball of dough into it. Cover with a plastic bag. (The plastic bag will keep in the moisture and the heat better than a cloth.)
8. Allow the dough to rise until it doubles in size. (About an hour. I set my bowl on top of the dryer and turn it on to make the dough rise faster.)
9. Turn dough out of the bowl and knead again on a floured surface.
10. Split the dough into equal halfs and shape into round loaves.
11. Place loaves on a flat pan and cover. allow the bread to rise until about double in size.
12. Take a sharp knife (I use a scaling knife) and cut slits across the top of the loaf. Take the remaining 1 tablespoon of butter and melt.
13. Brush melted butter over the top of the loaf. Sprinkle with sesame or poppy seeds if desired.
14. Bake in a preheated over at 375° for 40-50 mintues or until the loaf sounds hollow when you thump it.
15. Remove bread from oven and place on a rack to cool.

So, the Shitty Blogs Club is a year old. No one noticed (or perhaps cared). This thing has been around for a year of full fledged shittiness. It brings shitty blogs everywhere together into a lazy wanker club of sackless twats. We win. I wrote haiku for the SBC.

The SBC has done a lot for me in the blogging communittee. I met some people who are kind cool. I joined Mango Radio because of the SBC. People leave me comments on my blog now because of the SBC. I have an excuse to make shitty buttons because I am bored at work.

Jeckles challanged all the Shitty Bloggers to go to a shitty blog they'd never read before and leave a comment. So I did. i went to Dizzy Girl's blog. She was tlaking about the lack of Thanksgiving decorations in the stores because they've all been pushed out by X-Mas decorations and paraphanelia. I left a comment about how no one ever carried Yom Kippur or Sukkot decorations. That is my contribution to the SBC one year birthday.

I also made buttons.

So, I haven’t been doing a whole lot of lab work lately. Instead, I am snowed under by massive amounts of paper work. Okay, not really. I have mostly finished all of the paper work I can do without other people giving their input. I’ve been mostly finished with this paper work since the beginning of October. By mostly finished, I mean I can’t do anything more on this work myself and my bosses and people in other departments have to finish it.

So, now I sit here twiddling with other paper work and making up little experiments for myself to do to keep busy. I’ve been writing macros to make all of my spread sheeting easier. That was handy, but not entirely necessary.

To put it bluntly, I’m bored.

I can’t do any more testing until the software guys finish their end and I can’t do any more paperwork until the QC guys finish their end. I’m stuck in between and sitting here with my thumb up my ass. What a waste.

I watched The Office (British version) from start to finish a few days ago. I recommend it. I need someone to pester in the office here to get rid of my woes. Someone to call up for no reason. “Cock!” I would say, and then hang up. But, there is no one worth tormenting and I quite like my job and don’t want to lose it. My boss, unlike the one in The Office, has a pair.

I also re-watched Office Space. Classic. Simply Classic. I had forgotten how much I enjoy this movie. While I don’t come in at least 15 minutes late (rather I come in 45 minutes early so I can leave early and miss some of the traffic), I do spend the first hour or so simply “spacing out”. Everything here is circular. I am snowed under with useless paperwork and I have like 6 bosses.

Blah.

This Friday work is having its Thanksgiving thing. Half of the people are out of town at a big Medical Instrumentation conference in Germany. So, it is a good time to have this I think. I am making bread. The company is providing the Turkey and a ham. I have decided to make not only white bread rolls (simple simple simple), but also sweet potato bread and pumpkin bread. The sweet potato bread will be a modification of Hawaiian sweet bread. The base of Hawaiian sweet bread is a potato bread. I think the pineapple and sweet potato will go well together and give things a bit of colour and flavour. The pumpkin bread won’t be a spice bread, but rather a plainer bread flavoured with cooked and mashed pie pumpkins. That should also be quite yummy.

I am going to start on the breads tonight so I’m not rushing all Thursday trying to get everything done and made. I also need to make individual sized portions for people which is harder than it seems as some styles of bread truly taste better when baked in a full round loaf manner. (I don’t think these will be tasty as pan loaves… too crusty.)

When I finish these recipes, I think I’ll post them.

I love making bread. It gives me something to do with my time.

So, my show on Sunday went over fairly well. At least I thought so. I had one whole listener in the chat room (aside from a brief visit from Mango). YummY! came to see me in the room and it was amusing. She is also from the proud state of "Jaw-Juh".

So, what for next week? I got some book requests, which means I will be reviewing a book for my Sunday show. Hoo-Rah! I need to go out and actually procureone of these books, but, that shouldn't be a huge problem. I am excited. I get to talk about something I enjoy. I love to read and now I have an excuse to chat about it. Yay!

I think this week's Spotlight will be on Rasputina. They are quite entertaining in concert and I have all of their cd's so I can play all the fun stuff people never hear.

The showdown has begun! Today (or possibly tomorrow) we will hear the first of the into contest entries. I already know I'm going to get my ass handed to me on this one, but that's alright. I used quotes from Alf and Blazing Saddles damn it. And even a Mentos commercial. Mangos....the freshmaker! How amusing is that? I need to go through the shows and get some more clips from people. Actually put a bit of thought into it. I think I am going to set the whole thing to the "Highlander" theme. There can be only one bitch!

Either way, it is kinda fun. Helps with my Sound Forge skills that are so very poor.

This week on Mango should be greatly entertaining.

Listen!

That's right damn it. I'm slightly less shitty.

Thank to YummY! for this extra spiffy button. For her I have written haiku in honour of her shitty Blogginess. Mostly because writting shitty blogs Haiku is easy and most definately adds to the shitty factor of my blog.

Thanks YummY! YummY has joined the ranks of shitty blog radio listener. This automatically raises her cool factor by like 3. Okay, maybe not, but she actually joined us all in the Mango Radio Chatroom. That more than I can say for most of you losers out there. For my show it was me and Mango. Gods, you people suck. Do people even listen to my show? It's probably like me and Mango and a Samoan skinhead named Gunther. Ah well.

Listen Sunday. It promises to be a good show. I swear. I am actually trying this week. Mostly.

Oh, and to all you shitty bloggers out there:

Be Proud! Be Shitty!

Or not.

Fuckers.

Chapter Three

“Mommy!” My daughter wraps her arms around me as I walk in the door. “Mommy is home early!”

“Hello sweetheart.” I am holding dinner in my arms. A roasted chicken from the grocery store along with some oven fries and creamed spinach. I come in the door and set the food down on the kitchen table. I am tired.

I sit at the table, just waiting for the world around me the stop moving. It doesn’t. I never does, but very often I sit there just waiting for it to. I move into myself and things around me disappear. The world doesn’t stop or even slow, it just disappears. I sit with my eyes closed and listen to myself breath.

I feel a kiss at the nape of my neck. I really do hate when he does that. I’ve told him, but he does it anyway. Maybe he forgot. “Smells good. It’s a good thing you got dinner, I hadn’t started anything yet and I was starving.”
I open my eyes and look at him. He is grinning. I smile.

“Get some plates and silverware then? I just need to sit for a minute.” He winks at me.

“Joshua! Julie! Come help Daddy set the table!” I close my eyes again. I know I only have a few moments to make everything disappear again, but for some reason, I need that time. I need it.

So, the world falls away for a moment. I can only hear the sound of my own thoughts. When I close my eyes everything is white. I think when most people close their eyes they see blackness, but for me, everything is definitely white. It soft and pale, like a white rabbit I’ve followed down the rabbit hole.

In the back of my mind, I hear the children crawl into their chairs and I know I have to open my eyes. So I do. I see them staring at me. “Mommy must be tired.”

“Yes, mommy is very tired.”

“Why?”

“I had a long day at work.”

“We played with kites today. Daddy took us to the park and we chased a dog that got the kite when it fell down.” I hate dogs. Well, maybe not hate, but there is an intense feeling of dislike.

“Oh? Did you get the kite from the dog?”

“Yes! But it had holes in it.”

“Do you need to fix the holes?”

“No. It still flew.”

“Well, that’s good.”

“We also played on the swings.”

I start cutting pieces off the chicken, listening to them babble about their day. I enjoy listening to them. Their innocence is refreshing. The way they explain things is so simple. I set bits of chicken on their plates and open the bag with the fries in it and grab a handful for each of them. I open the container with the spinach in it and use my own fork to give them each some.

They smile. “Julia got more fries than me!”

“Nuh uh! Did not!”

“If either of you want more, eat what’s on you plate first.”

I wait for my husband to sit. Eventually he comes from the kitchen trying to balance four glasses of milk in his hands. His hands are too small for this task and I think he is going to drop all of the plastic cups, but he doesn’t. I am some what amazed.

He sits down across from me and cuts some chicken for himself. I scoop some spinach for myself. I poke at it on my plate. I’m not really hungry. I should be, but the thought of eating makes me want to vomit. I pick a few small pieces of chicken off the bones and put them on my plate. I leave the fries be. I watch my husband pour some onto his plate from the bag. Grocery store food always comes in white bags. For some reason, the bags are always greasy by the time you get them home.

We eat. I don’t tell anyone about my day. I rarely do and they never ask. Mostly, I listen. I listen to them all talk about their days. Listening to children tell you adventures about chasing down their kite from a dog is almost like hearing a fairy tale. One of them always turns into the grand hero the other into the distressed. Today Julia is the heroine and Joshua is the distressed. Julia bravely fought the dog to retrieve the enchanted item of their desire. Every now and again my husband interjects with some tid bits of information about the adventure they all went on.
I pick at my food and just listen to them talk. I drift in and out of my own mind, but I still listen. When my children talk they get excited. They fidget in their chairs and bits of food fly from their forks as they wave them around.

Everything is horribly mundane at the dinner table without my children there.

“Mommy! Can we go to the park on Saturday? Can we?”

“Certainly. I’ll even make us a picnic if you want.”

“Yay! Picnic! Can we have chips and carrot sticks?” They look at me with those big eyes and I can’t help but agree.

“Of course. And maybe even some twinkies.”

“Twinkies!”

I smile to myself. They seem happy and that makes me happy. What would I ever do without them?

I look over to my husband. He is smiling and doesn’t even see me look at him. I wonder how much about me he doesn’t notice. I think sometimes he only sees what he wants to. Who knows.

We finish dinner and I clear the table. I throw away the paper plates. I love paper plates, especially when I feel lazy. I rinse the cups and put them in the dish washer. I find myself humming to myself. I don’t even know what the song is that I am humming. I just am.

My husband grabs me around the waist and nibbles on the nape of my neck. I squirm. I hate when he does that. It truly bothers me. I suppose most people like being kissed on the back of the neck. Or at least most women he was with before me. But I hate it. I truly hate it. It makes my skin crawl. But he always does it. He doesn’t notice my skin crawling or that I try to shrug him away from me. There are many things he doesn’t notice I think.

Give me strength.

I turn around and smile. I remember what song I am humming. It was something I heard at the end of a movie a while back. I find I love movies if they end with a good song. The song has to tie everything together. A movie that does that really grabs my attention. It is true craftsmanship.

I remember the words to the song I am humming. They start to run through my head as my husband kisses me.

“I’m wrapped in cellophane. I’m wrapped in cellophane. And it knows my name. And I try and I try and I try and I try. And he’s in and she’s in and he’s in. Finding how it feel when there’s nothing to say. I’m wrapped in cellophane.”

The song ends in my head and I am wrapped into my husband’s kiss. I do love him, despite the fact, or maybe because of the fact that he doesn’t notice much. My mind is blank for a moment and it is just he and I.

“The kids are in bed.” He kisses me.

“So early?”

“They got up early. They were tired. Why don’t we go to bed also.” He smirks and I hear the lilt in his voice. I know what that means. I am pleased.

We go to the bedroom and he undresses me. We make love. It’s pretty much the same as always, but I have no real complaints about that. He knows what I like for the most part. Just like I know what he likes.

It’s dark out now. He holds me. I hold him back. I am tired as well. I don’t really know why, but I am. I can’t sleep when people touch me, so I lay there, waiting for my chance to roll away.

He falls asleep soon enough and I roll away.

=====================
I drift off to sleep. Darkness falls around me and suddenly I am consumed by incredible loneliness. A strange longing that I have never felt before. A pain that is so real, I must be dreaming.

I’ve never felt anything so strong in real life.

I am working on a new template. This template is sort of a two fold thing. The graphics will be personal to this page, but the style sheet will be used for another page I promised someone I would make for them and havn't gotten around to because I am a lazy twat. (Twat, I love that word.)

Anyway, probably in the next day or two, you shall be experiencing a new Abstract Utopia. I'll probably keep this template around somewhere just for fun.

What do I have in store for you with my update? Well, so far more colour. Yay colour. New graphics. Yay graphics. New layout, hopefully a bit streamlined. Yay stre... Well, you get the idea. I'm not sure what colours to go with yet, but thus far it is a aqua-ish colour that i'm not certain I like. Luckily, colours are easy to change. I'll probably change that up to something a bit warmer, maybe some reds or earthy tones. I don't know.

Anyway, yes. I have the whole thing laid out on a bit of graph paper so all I need to do is code it up and finish up the graphics. The code will be easy as it is a fairly simple layout. Graphics shouldn't be too tough either. If the layout looks nice on my page, I will port it over to my friend's page as well with his own spiffy graphics.

I am looking forward to a bit of a change.

On a side note, I am also going to try to get the layout to work not only in Firefox, but also in Explorer this time.

Well, I listen to NPR in the mornings on my way to work. For all you non-Americans out there, NPR is National Public Radio. It is the equivalent of PBS (Public Broadcasting Services on television). Anyway, NPR is, more or less, the only truly objective and in depth way to get the news around here. They don't take sides; they simply report and then give clips from people involved in the situation.

Well, lately the US Presidential administration has been dropping keywords like Freedom and Patriotism at the bat of an eye. So basically, this implies if you speak out against them, you are against both freedom and thus the United States. I suppose this makes me a naughty, dirty, heathen liberal, because I am going to rail on the new budget proposals.

As probably everyone knows, the US budget has a massive deficit and it is growing. To cut back on spending and try to reconcile the budget with the actual spending, the legislature has to make cuts or raise taxes. Fine, I accept that. It makes perfect logical sense. I don't mind a raise in my taxes if it is going toward the good of my country. Very often, raising taxes can do a lot of good. Sure, you feel the pinch for a bit, but then you cinch your belt and get used to it. I also don’t mind making certain budgetary cuts. There are a lot of areas that are a bit bloated and can probably do with some paring.

However, there are areas that are desperately under funded and should not be cut. If anything, they should receive more money. One of these areas: education.

So, where are they proposing to cut the budget? Education.

Yeah, that’s real smart. Let’s cut the budget in a place that will harm the future of our country. Let’s make sure that it is harder for us to produce tax paying adults in ten years from now. The legislature has proposed a 15 billion dollar cut to federal Pell grants and subsidized student loans. This means that many college students will most definitely feel this. I went to college on these programs. It is the only way I could afford it and I still had to work between 20-40 hours a week. If I hadn’t gotten this assistance, I would have had to drop out of school. Sadly, I went to a relatively cheap school as well.

Let me break this down for you, 15 billion dollars means that every college student on aid will find themselves paying about $5,000 more dollars a year. Add on top of that the already $4,000 dollars that most have to pay out of pocket already. (This of course, doesn’t count the average of $18,000 in subsidized loans they already have to take to pay for everything the Pell Grant doesn’t cover.) Now, $5,000 may not seem like a lot. But, I made barely $12,000 a year working while in school. With the $4,000 I paid out of pocket, that left me $8,000 for rent, bills and food. Add another $5,000 onto that and that would leave $3,000 for rent, bills and food. People can’t live on that much. Bums make more than this begging on street corners for a year.

What does this mean? More loans. Let’s raise the average student debt from $18,000 to $23,000. Of course, these are unsubsidized loans which mean they start accruing interest while you are still in school. Let’s bump that number up to $24,000 in debt before you leave school. This is if you go to a cheap school. Unfortunately, the cost of tuition is going up as well. When I started, tuition and fees were about $5,000 a semester. Now it costs closer to $8,000 at the same school. That’s an extra $6,000 a year.

As you can see, the numbers quickly spiral out of control. This will make it harder not for the working poor to send their children to school, more than likely they will still be covered for Pell Grants and Subsidized loans. This will hurt the Middle class; the class that works constantly but can’t seem to put enough away for college for their kids. The class that makes just too much to get any federal aid for their children. The class most college bound students belong to. The class that relies heavily on the subsidized loans from the government to go to school.

So they are cutting spending to Pell grants and subsidized loans. “Alight” I thought to myself listening to the radio, “Well, maybe the government has decided to shift that money into public K-12 education. That would make sense; make it harder for people to go to college so we’ll improve the basic education to make up for it.” No go. They cut public education as well. It looks like many schools will have to cut art/music education (because we all know they’ll never cut sports) and the Head Start program.

Now, this seems to me a lose/lose situation.

Cutting education is bad for the future. Period. This is worse than forcing people to discuss Intelligent Design in the classroom (Yay Pennsylvania and Kansas, you fucking mindless, ignorant, proselytizing schmucks… religion belongs at home, not in school you pencil-schlonged prats. Separation of Church and State, go back to school and study your basic government again.) At least the Intelligent Design vs. Evolution theories asks student to think for themselves. By cutting school funding you make it harder for teachers to have the resources to create situation where they make students think. Instead, everything will become rote memorization or worse yet, nothing at all.

By cutting education, you starve the future resources of the country. People without a decent education are paid less and thus contribute less in taxes back into the government. Sometimes, we need to think about the future and not about the here and now. Less banter about patriotism and freedom and more about growth and the future will lead to a prosperous future for the country. Look at what happened when public education became sponsored by the government for the first time here? It was followed by a period of incredible growth and innovation.

Invest now, reap the rewards later.

Hell, they should just legalize crack/marijuana/heroine/etc and tax the hell out of it. That will cut the deficit right quick. Box o’ Crack, only $29.95 (15% tax on that bad boy equals ~$4.50 a box and we all know crack is addictive.)

This is a story I wrote to go with a character for Shadow Siege. Of course, it doesn't look like I'll be playing this character, so it is simply a story set into the world of Aagos for now.

Xalbadore de Purceleon was the first born son to the wealthy and illustrious Count Vitamario of Purceleon. Vitamario himself was the first born son to Count Arsenio de Purceleon. And so the line goes. The Purceleon family is among one of the eldest and most respected noble families in the Country of Uol. They made their fortune through sea travel and trade of Wine, Gold and Silks and gained their title through Naval Service to the country and the acquirement of massive amounts of land and slaves of war.

Originally, their coat of arms was a simple banner of white and red. (White for the purity of their house, a Red for the bounty of wine which gave them wealth.) But, over time, as their reputation as avid and skilled hunters rose, they added the Golden Arrows to the foreground. Xalbadore was considered one of the greatest of the Purceleon Counts in several generations. He doubled their accumulated wealth and land with a series of wise and possibly divinely inspired business acquisitions.

He married young; to a woman he truly loved. The woman he fell in love with was ten years his senior. He saw her perform for his father and knew immediately he would never love another. Perhaps it was Ylessa that touched his heart at the moment, but he knew he had to marry her and that she would accept him. He looked older than his age, people often mistaking him for an older man due to his height and confident baring. In many ways, he was ageless, though it was really just his personality that made him so, in his later years, his age definitely wore on him, though he retained his suave disposition and appearance.

Baroness Lucia was a skilled songstress and musician. Her voice was always flawless, perfectly pitched and so sweet it could melt the sternest of hearts. Her voice had attracted countless suitors to her side in her 24 years. She had no interest in any of them. She was a wild and free spirit, hard for any to contain. However, when she saw Xalbadore in the crowd, she swooned. That day, it is said she played her harp so well that everyone in the room fell in love with the first person they laid eyes on. They say she sung such a melody, that the Gods stopped what they were doing to listen. She sang for Xalbadore.

To win her over, Xalbadore learned to play the pipe organ. While his voice was never as good as her own, he was able to woo her with his clumsy ballads. When he finally had his father approach hers to make arrangements, Lucia had already begged her own father to do the same. The dowry was small, but the mutual satisfaction gained both families each others respect. They were married three years before Xalbadore’s father Vitamario died and two before Lucia’s father passed on. Through the deaths of their parents, they both acquired large amounts of land. Xalbadore, being the shrewd business man that he was, was able to acquire all the land between the two plots as well, bringing them together into the Purceleon province.

In the three years before Vitamario died, Xalbadore and Lucia spent much of their time traveling. They spent a year abroad in Viroth and another in Yarsin. Lucia performed for the nobles of these lands and Xalbadore made several contacts which later made him vast amounts of wealth. He was able to sell his foreign wines and silks at hefty profits. He also made good contact to sell his slaves and workers to the other countries.

Returning to their home in Uol, Xalbadore and Lucia spent their time together. For two years they had been trying to conceive a child to no avail. Soon after Vitamario died though, Lucia conceived. Xalbadore held a joyous celebration for all of his slaves and peasants. IN the city of Purceleon he held a festival in honour of Ylessa for blessing his wife with a child. He gave them a week of rest and became known as the compassionate Count of Purceleon. He treated Lucia, the love of his life, like a goddess while she was with child, bowing to her every whim. In her pregnancy, Lucia grew fat, but even more beautiful. It was as if Lucia’s own fertility brought wealth to the Count’s land. The year of her pregnancy, the eight months from spring to spring, brought with it the greatest fertility the Purceleon province had ever seen. The wine produced from the grapes in that year is still thought to be the sweetest and best kept.

By the time Lucia entered labor; Xalbadore was one of the wealthiest land owners in all of Uol. He had some of the most loyal servants and one of the best shipping crews in the entire country.

Lucia did not survive her labor. Though, the child did. A baby girl. Xalbadore, overwrought with grief, could not bring himself to look at the child for the first month of its life, leaving it with the wet nurse. He fell into a dark depression. The child was left unnamed for the first year of its life. In the midst of his grief, Xalbadore found himself lost and without hope. It was said that even Ylessa herself could not lift his heart from the depths of its grief. In fact, it was only a dream of Lucia herself that finally broke his depression.

Nearly a year after her death, as Xalbadore slept in a drunken stupor, Lucia came to him. She was as radiant as ever. It was as if death had risen her up and brought out her true beauty. Xalbadore was overcome, even within his dream. In his dream, he made love to her, showered her with adoration. The dream played on in silence, each moment sweeter than the last. As they parted, she finally broke the sweet silence. “Name our daughter Catalin and care for her.”

Xalbadore awoke and went to his child. He wept over her crib, for the first time truly seeing his child. He picked her up and was overcome with joy. Cradling his child to his chest, he named her.

“My sweet Catalin.”

Four years later, Xalbadore and his daughter traveled Uol. He took her everywhere with him, afraid that if he should take an eye off of her, she would disappear as Lucia had. They traveled to the inner regions of Uol. This is where Xalbadore met Lady Jacqueline at her coming out ball. Lady Jacqueline came from an illustrious family. Her grandmother had been the daughter of the third born son of the Hadeen Family. Her grandmother, Gwytholin, had been married to a wealthy and powerful Duke of Uol to ensure trade relations between Uol and the Hadeen family. Gwytholin and the Duke Uolo had two sons and a daughter. Gwytholin’s daughter, Genevier, had been married to one of the Duke’s Barons to stop a minor land skirmish. Genevier was Jacqueline’s mother. She was a regal but rather plain looking woman who possessed incredible inner strength and fortitude, as well as a wild and incorrigible spirit. It was said that it was Genevier who truly controlled the Barony and had brought it its recent wealth and prosperity.

Jacqueline, on the other hand, was demure and shy. She possessed great beauty and soft touch. Xalbadore saw nothing in her though. Not until Catalin spoke to him. “She would make a good mother for me.” Catalin told him in confidence. Xalbadore, overwhelmed by love for his daughter, immediately went out and asked for Jacqueline’s hand. He had little to no love for the woman, but he found her pleasing to look at and of sweet disposition.

The pair married quickly. A year later, came the birth of Xalbadore’s second daughter. For several months, Xalbadore once again fell into a depression, thinking of the birth of Catalin that had sent his love Lucia to Annwn. Jacqueline did admirably in the birth. It was relatively fast and she quickly regained her strength. She cared for the child, naming her Zora at the request of her mother Genevier. “She’ll be a little fox, trust me.” Xalbadore wanted little to do with his second born daughter. He left her care in the hands of Jacqueline and the nursemaid.

Only a year later, Jacqueline gave birth to Xalbadore’s third child. A boy this time. Xalbadore, now having an heir, was greatly pleased by this and gave the boy his own name: Salbadore. Still, he doted on his eldest daughter Catalin, buying her expensive baubles and fancy clothes. He treated her like a princess. As Salbadore became older, he doted on him as well, trying to groom the boy into himself. This left Zora, his middle child, sadly neglected.

She constantly sought her father’s approval, going above and beyond the things expected of her. Still, she was over looked. She spent her time with her younger brother, listening to his stories of their father. She took up falconry and hunting to be able to spend more time with her father and brother. Soon, her skill in falconry matched even her father’s, though he didn’t notice. Xalbadore did not mean to overlook his daughter, he just didn’t think about her. When her teachers were praising her aptitude in mathematics and history, he was busy with business. When her Etiquette Mistress was praising her grace, he was busy arranging Catalin’s marriage. When the hunting group praised her skill with a bow, he was busy praising his son’s. She was simply, unseen.

This caused her heart sadness, but also gave her great conviction. She spent most of her time with her brother, at first to gain the approval and admiration of her father, but later, simply to be with her brother. The pair became inseparable. Together, they went to school, hunted and raised falcons.

While Xalbadore was nearly unaware of Zora’s existence, Jacqueline saw Zora. She watched her first child grow into her own mother and, while she said nothing, she found it amusing. Jacqueline kept her distance from her daughter, unsure how to deal with such a strong willed child. However, she adored her, just as she had adored her mother. From the shadows, Jacqueline spoiled her little girl. She would go out of her way to purchase the best falcons for the hutch, making sure Zora would have access to them. She would hire the best tutors for the girl to encourage her studies. She hired a team of archers under the guise of training for Salbadore simply so Zora could also learn from them. Jacqueline, though demure and soft-spoken, was quite clever and intuitive. She had an incredible cunning about her. She wanted her daughter to become a great woman. To become something she could never herself be.

Zora, on the other hand, had little awareness that her mother had gone to the trouble to do these things for her. She was inherently selfish with everyone save her brother and her father. She took the things she desired and childishly coveted them. Truly, she was even selfish with her brother and her father, imposing herself on them as much as she could. She learned to hunt just to spend time with the two of them. She trained her falcons so she could make Salbadore want them. She tried to make him jealous. However, she would also do things to make her little brother look better in the eyes of their father. On hunting trips, she would let Salbadore have the first kill. Yet, true to her selfish form, she would get more kills. She would let Salbadore have the choicest bits of proffered food from the kitchens, but she would take more.

Like her grandmother, she grew into an incorrigible child who spoke her mind. She was strong willed and wild. In public, she could put on the face of primness, but outside of that, she was a rebellious child. In town, she would often sneak away from the nursemaid with her brother and take him exploring. She was a blunt child, often spotting the obvious that others didn’t. She grew bored with things easily, causing her to become a thrill seeker. The only things she never became bored with were her falcons and her brother. From time to time, she even became bored with archery.

When Xalbadore finally sent his son away to be properly schooled and trained to take the family title and lands, Jacqueline watched as her daughter fell into a deep depression. More and more the child shut herself away with the falcons, skipping her lessons and other duties. It was around this time that Catalin became pregnant with her first child. Unlike Xalbadore, Jacqueline did not like Catalin. She found the girl spoiled and, though beautiful, a bit dim. But, on this matter she held her tongue, as she did on many things. She also saw that Zora did not like Catalin and in return, Catalin despised her little sister. She knew that her daughter could never compete with her sister in looks, but she also saw that Zora was better at nearly everything else, save for music (a talent Catalin had inherited form her mother).

Xalbadore held a week of celebrations when he found out his daughter was to produce him a grandchild. This celebration was even larger than the one he held for her marriage celebration. Zora was once again swept aside by everyone except her mother. Frustrated and alone, Zora began to act out. She would sneak out of the house at night to go to her secret refuge. She had found it with Salbadore on a hunting trip when they had gotten separated from the rest of the group. The small cave. It was nothing special, but it was her refuge away from everyone. So far as she knew, only she and Salbadore knew of it. This is where she stored her treasures.

She would often sneak away to her cave instead of going to her lessons. She would take her best falcon with her and train it. She would take her falcon simply for company. It gave her someone to talk to. It was during this time that she found an injured falcon. It lay in front of her cave as if waiting for her to find him. It was young and had been attacked by a fox, yet still lived. She scooped up the bird, taking as a sign from the Gods that this was meant for her and her alone. She cared for the bird day in and day out until it came back to health. Using her other birds, she taught the young falcon to fly and to hunt.

“Winger… you are my Winger.”

Catalin remained after the week of celebrations to spend time with her father, who, as always, doted on her. Catalin’s husband was a business man like Xalbadore and was away on business, so, in truth, she was simply lonely.

Catalin threw herself into making Zora’s life miserable, but Zora either didn’t notice or simply brushed it off. Her attention remained on her bird. Tensions grew around the house between the two of them. Catalin entered her second trimester and her heart turned meaner, more spoilt and selfish.

Zora was fully aware of her sister’s cruel intentions to her. But she knew her father favored his first daughter and would see anything as her own fault. So, she tried to avoid Catalin. However, the tension started to wear on her. Slowly, her temper prickled to the surface, something she had learned in her etiquette classes to control. When Zora finally exploded at her sister, she did it in the worst possible way and at the worst possible time: in front of Xalbadore and Jacqueline. Her father slapped her in front of everyone, even the servants.

Filled with anger and indignation, Zora shouted at him next. She did it a way that only an incorrigible child can get away with. However, Xalbadore did not let her away with it and slapped her again, this time sending her to the ground with his strength. Stubborn and wild, Zora rose again and continued to shout. The third time her father reached his hand out to smack her, she moved her head and the hand swished in front of her face. “You little fox!” Jacqueline cried unable to contain her glee at the action and will of her daughter. Xalbadore glowered and stalked out of the room, Catalin following after him. “Impertinent, horrible child.”

Zora, uncertain what had just happened, rubbed her burning cheeks. It was then that Jacqueline knew her daughter was destined for things greater than she could provide. She set out straight away to write to one of her Hadeen uncles in Viroth. Zora, on the other hand, was crushed by her father’s words.

She ran to her sanctuary with Winger and her other prized falcon. She stayed there for a week, surviving only on what she could catch herself. At the end of the week, it was her mother who came out to her cave. In it, she found a sad, dirty little girl curled up in a corner talking to her falcons.

Fearing for her daughter’s health, she had her brought to her own reading quarters along with the birds. “I am going to send you to Viroth to study.” Zora remained silent, angry and bitter. “I am sending you to study with your uncles. You will study magic.”

“Don’t wanna.”

“You’ll get to explore new lands and you can take your birds with you. It will be good for you.”

“Don’t wanna, Salbadore needs me.”

“I think he’ll manage without you.” Jacqueline embraced her daughter and Zora burst into tears. The girl, barely twelve years old had already known the rejection of a man she loved.

So, Contessa Zora Juliana Genevier de Purceleon sailed for Viroth.

Cues the Spaghetti Western Music

So... there is a showdown a-brewin' in the world of Mango Radio. Oh yes. It's a-brewin', yessiree pahrd'ner.

Good? Bad? Ugly? or just plain Retarded?

Who shall come out the winner? Who has the quickest draw? Who has the wittiest punchline? Who has the skills and the time of a true geek?

Who can make the best Mango Radio Promo Introduction? Will it be Jeckles? Will it be Monogodo? Will it be Webkittyn? Will it be Mango himself? Will it be yours truly? Or the ever illustrious Crash? Well, of course it won't be Crash. He's like the 'special' kid they put in the race so the rest of us don't feel like losers.

It is time to take off the gloves. Whip it out. Show off the size of your schlong. Oh yes... the battle has begun.

Listen in all week.

I hate Christmas. I hate Christmas music, I hate the lights, the trees, the horrible tackiness of everything around this season. I hate it all. I hate going into the grocers in Early november and seeing Christmas displays up with red and green garbage in them.

I do not hate Christmas because I hate Christians or anything like that. I hate Christmas because it has become an enourmously tacky holiday. Seeing Christmas things up before Halloween is over annoys me. Seeing Christmas things up before Thanksgiving is over annoys me. Seeing little plastic reindeer and 12 foot plastic snowmen on lawns annoys me. Hearing five hours of songs about christmas trees, presents and Jesus annoys me.

And...most recently... I hate blogs that are already talking about the "fun loving, extra great" Christmas season even though Thanksgiving it still a couple weeks off.

I hate this time of the year. Hate it. So, I will now ignore it. This is the first and last time I will ever talk about Christmas on my blog.

Bah-fucking-humbug.

Spirits of Christmas do your worst. I shall combat you with my dreidel and turkey drumstick of doom.

I am in a funk lately.

A deep, watery, murkish funk of boredom.

I can't seem to climb out of it. It sucks.

This boredom is akin to that special time of the month. Not a good god damn thing to do for it.

I log onto the game I play and I just feel bleh. Roleplay seems almost like a chore. I sit around and build all weekend (which consists of about a half hour of work and the rest sitting around because I already had most everything finished up.) I log on my Alt character and just feel bleh. No one likes her and she doesn't especially like anyone else. She's a twat. Not especially arrogant, but very dispassionate and it gets to me sometimes. Its hard to pull off such apathy at times.

I can't get into roleplay lately.

My radio show this weekend was sort of shitty. Amusing, but shitty none the less.

My husband was off camping with the boys and I wasn't invited. I sat around my house trying to not feel bored with everything.

I read about 2,000 pages of manga to try to stiffle the boredom. It didn't work. Amusing manga though. One about Bread, the other about boxing and yet the two were strangely similar. Only in Japan can they come up with manga like that.

So, now what? How shall I crawl out of this funk? I think I'll write a short story or two. Finish off that bottle of wine I started and masturbate.

I think I'll find some cheesy MUD to play where I can create a throw away character and not feel bad if I quit the game after a week. Maybe it will get my roleplaying mood flowing again. (And give me an idea for my next real roleplaying character.)

Screw it. I'll drown myself in work and tea. I'll come up with a new bread recipe for the big work Thanksgiving thing. I'll just take a step back for a while and pretend to be something I'm not.

Normal.

That's right. I am the Shitty Blog of October. Of course it's November now so I have no time to gloat over hermes.

And why am I the Shitty Blog of October? Because I took five minutes of my day and made some shitty buttons. Yup, my artistic skill got me the SBC Blog of the Month. I fucking win.

Eat it Hermes.

So, the next time I actually want to win, I'll have to send in a picture of my boobs. That's right. I won without sending a picture of my boobs. Had I shown boobage, it would have been no fucking contest. Damn. I am awesome.

So, lesson to you all. Kiss Jeckles Ass and be one with the Shitty Blog Club and make buttons. You will win. Kick ass.

What the fuck is up with that title? Geh, ah well, no point changing it now. It has been a strange week. I've been sick, but I'm better now. However, my brian is all sorts of out of wack. It's Friday, right? Right???!!? Uhg, I can't seem to get my brain on straight. No matter. No matter at all.

So! Since I have mentioned Mango in the title, you must have already guessed that this is a post about...

Mango fucking Radio

To take a quote from the Webkittyn's latest show. One she used often. Mango Fucking Radio bitch. Listen. It is fruity and delicious. Sexy even. Except, you know, not.

So, how far have I come on my show this week? Since velocity is measured in direction as well as speed (thus making it velocity rather than speed you ignorant putzes... I don't mean that, I know I shouldn't call my reading audience putzes, but, like I said, my head is not there today), I shall tell you how far I have come in terms of physics.

     -12v          v
x = ----- = -6---
       2t            t

So, what does this mean. It means I've gone backwards in terms of being done. Yup. Backwards. I had a set list, threw it out. I had some talking done, deleted it. Geh... let this be a lesson to you dj's, don't podcast while under the influence of cold medicine. Just... don't do it. I sounded like a freaked out, retarded, prattling tit. It was baaaad.

So, I am starting over. I didn't even dignify the badness to be kept around. Nope, directly into the trashcan it went. Scaped the whole damn thing, even the set list. That is correct. So, I have to get it all done tonight. I have faith I can do this, so I am not worried. I now have the Audacity and people are helping me learn it. I also have Soundforge still, so if all else fails, I'll switch back to it to finish if things start going badly for me.

I am opening with BIllie Holiday this week. Classy. Smooth and classy. I love BIllie Holiday. Mmmm... soulful, smooth, pure, gut wretching. Yeah. Definately the Billie this week. Soon, I shall get people to appreciate the jazz and the classical for the awesomeness that it is. Yes, my first song is always to educate people in the ways of fine music. Few people seem to notice, or much care. But, that's okay.

The rest of my show, I dedicate to the now deceased and (apparently) much missed Tzoli. I've never seen people beg so much and call me foul names for going through with a death. Made me all warm and fuzzy. So... this week's show is dedicated to my dead character. I will be taking songs from her soundtrack and explaining why I picked them. How sad am I? No one is going to give a good god damn about this show. Well, you all can just 'Bahn off. this show is for my amusement.

So, Meathe of Musings, meanderings has tagged me with this little game. So, being the perosn that i am, I shall continue on my way with it.

The Rules:
List ten things that make you happy in no particular order.
Tag 0-5 friends

1. Hot tea
2. Soft afghans
3. Crayons and nifty Colouring books
4. A good book
5. Big, stupid hats
6. Comments on my blog
7. When a good song comes on the radio right when I want to hear it
8. Men with big tummies.
9. Leather
10. Purring kitties in my lap

So... I need to tag five people then. Righty-o

Yaeli
Seraphim
Indigo
Aaaand... two people I know don't give a shit:
Jeckles
Stephen

I have no idea what to make for my next character on Shadow Siege, so I have been thinking about my past characters. None of them seem right for the game to me. Even with major modification they would all be silly in the context of Aagos (except maybe one of my Earthdawn characters... the magic system and the world concept are very similar).

So, I am taking suggestions. I know some of you SS'ers read this, I've heard rumors about it.

This is my grand idea thus far:

Name: Contessa Emlyn ferch Gavan ab Dylan aka "Emmie"
Age: 18?
Race: Human
Occupation: Guard/Commander of the Archers
Religion: The Spear of Conquest (Balor because he's my favorite of the Gods)
Father: Count Gaven ap Dylan ab Gwilym
Mother: Dame Shoshanah ferch Asher ab Moesha
(Note: these names have been pulled directly out of my buttocks... father is welsh names, mother is hebrew names)

short desc: ????
long desc: ????

That's it thus far and it's shitty and I don't know if I like it. The rough (very rough) back story is that she is the younger of twins. (Her sister's name is Rhian and studies magic within the Temple of the Golden Faith and belongs to The Order of the Sun.) She joined the Guard because of her boredom with noble life, Devotion to the Gods, King and Telantha, aaaand her family's wealth was wiped out in the Cataclysm (they made their money as Sea Merchants and Naval Officers). She went out and joined the Guard the day after Cymur freed Telantha from the darkness against the wishes of her father. Her sister on the other hand, stayed home and did as her father wished and joined the Church of the Golden Faith. Emmie later joined the Spear of Conquest and remained in the guard.

Basically, my big introduction idea that I had revolved around the mask ball and her being introduced in a big, opulant dress and gorgeous mask thereby tricking everyone into thinking she was pretty, in reality she is very plain. She would be accompanied by her father. She relies on wit, dry humour and her smarts more than anything to win her favour with men and her fellow guard. She is the commander of the Archers along the Telanthan wall, her skill with a bow truly amazing: probably due to the fact that she plays the harp. (Her sister sings.) She also has reasonable skill with the spear/javelin.

One a follower of Balor and the other a follower of Cymur, the twins are quite different. But they share a bond that only twins can. She is unmarried, but her sister has a husband (Rhian is the older of the sisters). She lives with her father still and her salary and service is what allows them to keep their house (and partially their title). Her sister does her their father says, she goes out of her way to disobey him. (But she remains devoted to the old man despite this, she is really a Daddy's little girl.) Her sister wears her hair long and stylishly down, she wears her pulled back into a tight, unattractive bun. Her sister enjoys reading, sewing and cooking; she enjoys running, archery and dancing. Her sister is the epitome of gentle; she is blunt. Her sister is outwardly giving and she is outwardly selfish. (In reality this reversed.) Her sister is wise, she is perceptive (eagle eyed). Her sister enjoys wine, she enjoys whiskey. Her sister is chaste; she has had a handful of lovers looking for the right one.

Her father (Count Gaven ap Dylan ab Gwilym) is a distant (very distant) cousin of the now King Telan. He is old fashioned and believes she should be married off to a good family and is searching for a husband for her. He is also aging and disenchanted with how Telantha is, as few people seem to respect him any more since he lost his wealth. Her mother was a lower noble from Aatiru. Her father met her on one of his many Merchanting trips, married her and brought her back to Telantha. She was soft spoken and demure as most noble women are. She died from the plague before a cure could be found. (Actually, she got the plague and the family 'put her out of her misery'.)

That's it so far. I don't even have much of a personality hammered out. I'd like to find someone to play her sister because I think the interaction between the two would be fun. I also have this idea in my head that every now and again, they switch places to play pranks on people and get out of the everyday routine of their lives.

I have started thinking of a list of all of my favorite character. By my characters, I mean of course, ones I've played/created. This list is a mish mash from old school pencil and paper games and MUDs.

#5. Dame Laran Kaliya - Game: Fuedal Realms(MUD), What:Human Warrior, Captain of the Concolor Guard. I already ranted about her.

#4. Za - Game: Palladium, What: Beastmaster Changeling (I looooooove changeling characters. Probably my favorite race to play of all time.) He was evil as they come. He killed for pleasure, purpose and potions. His weapon of choice, throwing tomahawks. He wore no armor and only things that had never been animal. His familiars were the Za (a demon dog sort of thing), the wasp, and the burrowing lizard. He was deathly afraid of the dark. It struck him catatonic. Amusing for an evil character to only walk about in the day, yes? I ressurect him/her(sex depends on my mood, it is a changeling after all) often as an NPC for Palladium games I run. Death by poisoning with salt water. Salt = Changeling bane.

#3. Ahkni Stoneshield - Game: Earthdawn, What: Dwarf Nethermancer/Questor. A child nethermancer who loved dead things. Nethermancers are spell slingers in Earthdawn who creep people out. In Earthdawn, all players are good and they fight horrors. She was a questor for Mynbruje, the Passion of Justice. She was compulsively honest about her exploits and was feared by men twice her age. Her favorite spells were bone dance and onion skin.

#2. Kahlia Sorelune - Game: Earthdawn, What: Human Weaponsmith/Questor A human weaponsmith whose best friend was an obsidiman. She was nuetrality at its finest. She loved her job and her companions so much that when they went on the pilgrammage, her request to the fire dragon was that when she died, she could protect them. And we she died in the dungeon of a thousand horrors, She was consumed in a pillar of flame that killed everything except her companions. Hoo-rah.

#1. This is a tie between Tzoli of Shadow Siege and Eldria.
Eldria - Game: D&D 2nd ed. What: Human Cleric/Avatar of Meilikki She was one of the most beautiful women in all the world (Her charisma was a 24, she could charm men and women alike simply by looking at them). My DM commented that he had never seen anyone actually use their charisma like it should have been until he met me. This was a high level campaign and probably one of the most fun I've ever played in with pencil and paper. She was a regular priestess who got lucky with her group. She faced down the Avatar of the god who was her Goddesses enemy. When said avatar used power word "KILL" on her, she looked her straight in the eye and said "No." (And rolled a 20 for her saving throw much to the jubilation of the entire group.) This raised her status to that of Avatar for her goddess, though she wasn't told for some time what she was. (She may have been pretty, but she was like a valley girl cheerleader before she became an avatar.)

And you all know who Tzoli is.

I think I'm getting a cold. I feel icky.

I havn't been sleeping the past week or so and it has left me feeling weak and tired and plain ol' icky. I think my body is telling me I need to rest now.

Yech.

So much to do.