Well, the character I have been playing for over a year has died. While I know she would not try to come back, I as a player am rather sad to see her go. She has given me a year of entertainment and I have put a lot of work (and nearly 125k rpp) into her. While I know she wouldn't want to be raised, I want to see her back again. I like to think her death will leave the other characters deeply affected, but I don't know really.

In many ways, she was a peripheral character. But in many ways, she was also a hero. She was never a plot changing character, but she was always involved. She'd show up to any battle with a smile on her face and would fight until the end. And the end is ,finally, what came. I knew, as a player, that I didn't have to kill her off. I had ample opportunity to get her out of the situation I knew would kill her. I knew that she was going to die. I'm not daft, I always know those sorts of things. I could have left, but, she was the consummate warrior. Even if I wanted her to leave, I knew she had to stay.

The new Haunt code allowed her to say her good-byes to those who cared and that was good. But, as much as I wanted to ask the players to bring her back, I had to respect her wishes. I know that sounds strange, but if I really want to be a good roleplayer (and I like to think that I am...) I have to respect my character's decisions. Yes, I know it sounds like I am a multi-personality fool, and I suppose roleplaying sort of makes you one; but, I am not. It was her story I was telling. In the end, death gave her the things that she always wanted: simplicity, clarity and purpose.

I thought it would be amusing to have her come back as a twisted shadow of what she was and freak everyone out with her massive hammer. In fact, the idea thouroughly amuses me. Have her come back smart and bitter hateful at all the people who ever looked down on her. That would be a real powder keg of hammer smashing fun. Of course, this would involve a long ressurection process on the part of someone else and I don't think anyone would bother, especially after the good-byes she left them.

I am sorry I never got her to have a kid. (Hell, she never even got laid... so sad to die a virgin.) That was one of my main goals with her. She needed someone in her line to take on the name of T'zoli. Ah well.

(Beware... this is long)

A few good things did come out of it. It freed up some time for me to get more involved with my alt. My alt is by far a more interesting character than my main one who was a berserking warrior with a simple mind. It also gives me time to think about a new character. I have a few ideas about one, but nothing concrete. The only real idea I have for one is a super awesome entrance and a general description/personality.

I think I want to play someone smart next time. My alt is bright, but she is really more perceptive than anything else. She is driven by Faith and Faith alone and she doesn't give a damn for people. I want to play someone really, throw down smart. And possibly evil. Not evil in the way that makes everyone want to kill her (or him), but in the way that makes people second guess their own values. I have been thinking about ressurecting my all time favorite (MUDding) character for Shadow Siege:

Dame Laran Kaliya (which I suppose would become Dame Laran ferch Sedge ab Basil)

She is very much like Tzoli in the whole fighter and loyalty sense, except wicked smart, a weapons master and a tactician. Originally, she was the Captain of a Duke's guard: a position she earned and wasn't born into, along with her title. She was the daughter of Weapon Smiths who made weapons for their Duke. She joined his Army and rose through the ranks due to her strength and loyalty. Her totem was the female Cougar... the hunter of the pack. She was taught all the weapon-smithing arts (and as such was very strong). She was schooled and trained to deal with aristocrats. Unfortunately, she would also be a dryth (one of the reasons she was such a good tactician was because she could see inside and 'guess' the moves of her enemies... she was a mind reader) in the World of Shadow Siege and that probably wouldn't gain approval. When she gained her powers in the other world as a child, she went crazy and was sent to the "three sisters" (Albino Minotaur triplets who were priestesses of the Cougar... in Aagos, I suppose they would be Priestesses of Balor) to be put right again. She became a Knight when she personally saved the Duke's life and killed all of the members of a small rebellion with her sword aptly named: the Bloody Wench. And oh my, she was a cold hearted bitch. She killed her betrothed in the rebellion without a second thought. On the surface, she seems the sweetest woman in the world. Smart, witty, strong, driven; but inside, she is nails and ice. I wouldn't say evil... but when she wants something, she gets it. When her Duke wants something, he gets it, no questions asked. She would take the shortest line from point A to Point B and it didn't matter who she had to kill to get it. She married a Baron so her Duke could seize his land. (She planned a take over of the ports with her navy and her army rode through the city and killed all the men, women and children loyal to the Baron) She killed the Baron and claimed the land in the name of her Duke and eventually gained the title of Lady, then Contessa. But she kept her outward title as Dame.

She did all of these horrible things and people still loved her like she was their mother, lover, or sister.

In D&D terms, I'd call her Lawful Neutral or Lawful Evil. But really, she was unaligned; almost beyond alignment. In ruthlessness, she'd give the Fury and the Rat a run for their money. Malign her or her Duke and she'll personally cut out your tongue and make you eat it. Step on her land without permission and she'll behead you and put yourbody on a cross and your head on a pike. But damn it, she'd do it with honour. I don't know how she would fit into the world of Aagos though. Perhaps the personal guard of a fallen house (dead house now with the darkness). I don't know if I want to play her again. She had a great death. One I am still really proud of as one of my best rp scenes ever. (She died oooooold... like almost 80 but had elixers of youth and strength thanks to her loyalty to her Duke. Well, Dukes actually, she lived through four of them in the line and served them all. Stephan, Stephen, Trystam and Adal) I personally took the smallest weakest house/army in the game and made it the strongest and most feared. And we were just the Army, not the real house where I sent all of my best knight (she would only send human, male knights to the house after personally training them to defend her Duke). The Concolor Guard and the House Tirome. Yeah. Damn, that was fun.

Ah well, I'll think of something. I usually go off the cuff anyhow. I make things up as I go along. Thank the Gods for my good memory or I'd be screwed with most rp because of it.

I know I won't be able to play Umi all the time. Her attitude will get to me. Her unaffectedness is hard to pull off sometimes. She doesn't have friends and (probably) never will. She is a nebulous concept of a person. There, but unreachable. I'm not saying she is shallow, far from it. She is just...unaffected by people. (At least now she is, she wasn't always.) It is hard rp a lot of the time. She will be one to die of old age or a demon crunching her head off when she isn't looking.

So, what next then? I suppose I will concentrate on Building for a while. I have a lot of work to do and I'd like to get it done by the end of November which shouldn't be a problem if I just sit down and do it. In reality, the building should only take me a week. I am excited to see it go in, a little sad Tzoli couldn't lead an expedition into it.

So, I suppose I shall think a while on my next character. I want to make her something fun and playable, but also sick and twisted and strangely lovable. I also don't want her to be like any other character on the game. I think that was one of the reasons I was willing to off Tzoli. People were beginning to mimic her/me. I like being someone different.

Rantallion
The Shitty Blogs Club -
The place where sackless twats roam
and losers call home.
Clarity
Shitty Blog members
Are the only bloggers who
admit they're shitty.

The Geek in the Pink
Jeckles is a geek
who yearns for a free iPod
but we bloggers suck.

OKay, I hate these holier than thou people who try to take the fun out of everything. In my neighborhood, we just recieved a note in our mailbox from the local Neighborhood Watch people. Apparently, they don't want people to put up decorations or give out candy to kids who come by the door.

As a "safe" alternative to this, they've decided what we should do is come to the local church and give candy out at our cars instead. They said the kids would have more fun because they wouldn't have to walk as much. Bollux on that. Uhg. How fucking lame.

Okay, so, what about my gods damned pumpkins. Seriously. That is half of the fun of halloween. Walking around, seeing pumpkins and decorations and crap. Exploring for candy. Mmmm... it's like hunting. A primal rite of passage.

I don't have kids, but if I did, I wouldn't deny them the pleasure of a true trick or treat. I always hated the lame walk around and gather candy things that they would hold at school as a kid. The supposed 'haunted houses' that all you had to do was walk up to a large, decorated refridgerator box and says 'trick or treat' and out popped candy. No fun. No sport. Line up and shop.

Ah well. Fuck it.

I'm going to have candy at my house anyway. The Neightborhood Watch can sit on my fist and spin.

I am sitting here listening to Nick Cave and the Badseeds: “Lyre of Orpheus”. Oh momma. I like songs that refer to mythology and literature. I also like Nick Cave, so, this song, is, of course, near orgasmic.

That is what I need though, an instrument that sounds so beautiful that I kill people by playing it. Can you imagine such a sound? (Obviously not, but I’m sure the concept is within grasp.) To die in such a way would be amazing. You have just experienced something so perfect that your brain explodes. Not only that, but it is so universally perfect that anyone who listens to it goes into an orgasmic brain implosion.

I love music. Like so many people before me have stated, it is the universal language. So, if there was to be one thing considered universally perfect, it would have to come out of either music or math. (Both Universal Languages.) In a vague way, music is math. It is simply base eight math. Sets, Subsets and patterns exist within this base eight system and can be manipulated with it.

Some psychologists think that children who learn to play an instrument and read music from an early age are better at math. I think it can also be reversed. Children who are good at math can be very good at music; at least musical theory. I reached the point where I could look at any series of key signatures and see the patterns in my head. Of course, making my fingers do what my brain sees is where the practice came in.

The ability to see and understand patterns is handy when playing with improvisation. I do miss playing every day. If I really wanted to I could make the time to play every day again, so I suppose I don’t miss it enough to get my ass back into practice. Also, it is rather dull to play Improv alone. Especially when you play bass and don’t have the skills of Victor Wootin or Bela Fleck.

I’ve given myself over to the math language rather than the musical language. This alienates me from many musicians. Ah well, I suppose I should resign myself to garage jam sessions with other out of practice musicians playing bad covers of 80’s new wave.

Oh momma.

Chapter Two

Damn them. Damn them straight to hell, if there even is one. I think they want to make me miserable on purpose. I hate my job. I walk in the door slowly, waiting for the secretary with her Jesus saying of the day.

“Good morning Julia. Blessed are the meek!”

“Good morning Lucille.”

“Aren’t you chipper this morning.” I struggle not to glare at her asinine sentiments.

“I had a new flavor of coffee this morning.”

“Well, I’m sure it was wonderful.”

I walk down the hall to my office and open the door. I am alone at last. I sit at one of the computers and stare at the screen for about an hour. I have nothing to do, but I have to be here. I finished all my work for this week three days ago and I have nothing to do until our next meeting. I stare at the ceiling. Thank god my office has no windows, at least no one can see me doing nothing. It’s like this every week, I finish my work the first day of the week and sit and stare at my computer for the rest of it.

My husband once asked me why I don’t tell them I have nothing to do. I don’t think he understands. I don’t think anyone does really. Just like no one can see past my bullshit. The prim and proper exterior I put on for everyone. It’s funny, because no one ever bothers to ask how I am.

I turn on my computer and check my email. As usual, there is nothing but about a million useless ads. ‘Enlarge your Penis Size!’ ‘New and Improved Long Distance!’ I delete the messages. There is nothing in my box now. It’s depressing. I used to have friends, didn’t I? I can’t even remember anymore.

I want to cry, but I can’t. I want to scream and throw something, but I can’t. Instead I open up the work I have finished and let it sit on my desktop while I surf the web. I don’t look for anything in particular, I just wander around. There isn’t really anything on the web worth seeing anyway.

I look at the clock. I’ve only been here for two bloody hours. I doodle on a notepad by my side. I only have to be here one more day this week. Just one more day.

I hear the radio from the office next door. It’s gospel I think. I don’t recognize the particular screeching I hear, but it’s really all the same. “Jesus save me! Lift me into your arms! Jesus hold me!”

I think some days have themes. Obviously mine is going to be haunted by Jesus. It could have been anything. I look up to see what I’ve surfed onto.

I peruse the page. It’s interesting. It’s about magick or spirituality or something. It is easy to read, and enjoyable. I appreciate that. It’s the name that catches my attention: Abstract Utopia. It’s not often I am so caught up in a name, but I appreciate when I am. I try writing the name on my doodling pad. It flows well. I laugh to myself a little. There is an email link. I respond to their page.

Abstract Utopia-
It is rare that I am so taken in by a name. Thank you for lightening my day with yours. Where did you come up with it? I read your page because of the name. I am curious, what is the Open Road you speak of? Is this a spiritual thing? Thank You, J.

It is a stupid note and I know it, but I click send anyway. They probably don’t even check their email anyway, let alone respond to them. I read through more of the page. There are a few dead links, which is frustrating. Either they are currently building the page, or they just gave up on it. It’s really impossible to tell which it is.

I finish reading the page. I feel a bit more enlightened and not quite so frustrated with my day or the Jesus music streaming in from the office next door.

There is a knock on my door. I pull up the work I have finished and try to look like I’m doing it.

The door opens. “Julia, can I get your help? My computer is being weird.”

“Sure. No problem.” I am all peaches and cream for these people. I don’t even know why. I don’t like them and they don’t like me. I suppose that is how I am.

I stand up and walk with him to his office. “So, what did you do to freeze it up George?” Is that his name? I think so. Yes, I am sure it is.

“I was trying to load a gif file into my excel program.”

“Uh huh. What else?”

“I dunno.” Moron. We get to his office and I see the blue screen of death. I sit down in front of his computer and hit the reboot.

“Ahhh! I didn’t save!”

“Nothing we can do about that now.”

“But I worked on that all morning!”

“I’ll redo for you by the end of the day and email it to you.”

“But it took me a day to get everything right, you’ll never finish it by the time it’s due.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll finish it.”

The computer restarts and I bring up his work. It’s partially saved. This took him all morning? What an idiot. “Go onto lunch George, I’ll take the heat from the boss. You’ll have it done soon. Don’t worry.”

“Julia, I couldn’t let you do that.” What was that I just saw in his eyes?

“Don’t worry about me. I’ll get it done.”

“What about your project?”

“Don’t worry about that either. Go on to lunch. It’ll be done when you get back. Get me a sandwich.” I pull a few dollars out of my pocket and hand them to him. “And an ice tea no ice. And make sure there is no ham on the sandwich.”

“Julia, why are you doing this for me?”

“I have nothing else to do. Just go and bring me a sandwich.” He leaves, I roll my eyes as I hear the door shut. I hate when people get all sappy on me. I hate hearing their voice change from regular to that admiration crap.

I type quickly, finishing his project in about 30 minutes. I figure I’ll just tell him I retrieved part of it from somewhere. How could this have taken him so long? Am I really surrounded by such idiots?

The door opens about fifteen minutes after I finish. “I come bearing sandwiches!”

I smile. “I’m done. I was able to retrieve some of it, then I just did the calculations and finished it up.” He leans over my shoulder. I hate when people do that, truly hate it. I struggle not to shudder.

“You got more done than I had!”

“Oh? Well, it’s done now. What kind of sandwich did you get me?”

“Turkey and mustard, toppings. I think I heard someone say you were Jewish once.”

“Thank you.”

He hands me a bag. “I got you some fries as well.”

“Thanks.”

“No problem.” He sets my drink on the desk near me.

“So, how did you really finish it so fast?”

“I just did.”

“You’re amazing. You probably sit in your office all day doing nothing don’t you?” I am a bit taken a back.

“How did you know?”

“I know a lot of things that I don’t let onto.”

“Like?”

“Like the fact you’re unhappy despite the fact you always smile.”

“Uh huh.” I look him in the eye. They are a dirty shade of blue. They remind me of the dirty sewer water that they use to water golf courses.

“I froze my computer on purpose. I wanted to talk to you, see you in action.”

“Does everyone know?”

“No. I don’t think anyone does.”

“Then how do you? Are you spying on me?”

“No.”
“I’m leaving.” I get up with my sandwich and my drink.

“Don’t go.” He looks at me, his eyes are dirty. “Please.”

I leave. I never lie once I say I’m going to do something.

I go back to my office and eat. The sandwich is dry. The tea is powdered. I sit in my desk and glance over at the computer. I have an email. Probably just an ad to enlarge my non-existent penis. I open my email and see that it is from Abstract Utopia. I open it.

J-
The open road is the road we all choose to walk. It can be Spiritual if you want it to be, but really it just IS. I am glad you were touched by my choice of a name. It is actually a concept I came up with it childhood. Nothing can be perfect for everyone, so there can never be a true Utopia, only an abstract one based on your point of view. We all walk our own way and think our own way. We can’t expect everyone to be the same and want the same things, if we do, we’ll never find our own truth.
Walk the Open Road- Abstract Utopia

It is rare my interest is peeked like this. I am tempted to write back right away, but I don’t. I sit and think for a while. My mind wanders and I doodle on the notepad by my side.

I almost jump at the knock at my door I am so deep in though. “Julia? You still here?” Damn it.

“Yes, George, come in.” He does. I am annoyed.

He sits at a chair in my office. “You haven’t got pictures of your kids in here?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“I keep my work and my life separate.”

“That’s depressing. You should have things to lighten you office. You won’t be as miserable.” Peaches and cream, I am peaches and cream.

“Maybe you’re right. I’ve been thinking about putting in some plants.” I smile sweetly.

“How are you?” I blink, I am taken a back for what seems like the millionth time today. I don’t know how to answer. “Fine.”

“And how are you really?”

“How am I supposed to answer that? You seem to already have all the answers.”

He shrugs and looks at me with those dirty eyes. I can feel myself beginning to hate them, truly hate them. “I want you to sleep with me.” I raise an eyebrow.

“No.”

He laughs. “You’re unhappy, I can make you happy.”

“I’m married and I don’t like you.”

“So?”

“I love my husband.”

“Do you?”

“Yes.” I hear Jesus Music streaming in from next door.

"Huh. Well then.” He keeps looking at me with those eyes. I should probably be scared, but I’m not. He just keeps looking at me. Creepy fuck. “How about lunch tomorrow then?”

“What?”

“Lunch, with me. To eat food. Just friends, promise.”

“Fine.” I wish he would just go away and leave me alone like everyone else does.

“Good. Noon tomorrow then.”

He leaves. “What the hell was that?” I hate when I talk to myself. But I do. I do it a lot. I stare at my computer some. I reread my email. I want to respond, but I don’t know what to write.

Fuck. Fuck fuck fuckity fuck.

I spent three god damned hours trying to convert an old Excel macro in to Gods Damned VBA. What to know what thwarted me? One stupid command. Gods, I felt like a fucking moron by the time I actually finished struggling with the bastard. Mostly I felt like a fucking sackless twat (or I suppose, in my case, since I am already sackless; a titless twat) because I forgot about the Gods Damned Record command.

Anyway, this is the line I couldn't convert:

Excel version:

=TEXT.TO.COLUMNS($E$4,1,1,FALSE, FALSE, FALSE, FALSE, FALSE, TRUE, "|", {1,9;2,1;3,1;4,1;5,1;6,1;7,1;8,1;9,1})

Yeah, aren't I a dumbass? I fully admit I can't code for shit. I'm horrible at it. I am sitting here with two VBA books open, one Excel Book open and one printed out ghetto Microsoft command conversion book open. I am a shitty coder. I can do second order differential equations and quantum field theory in my head, but I can't convert one line of bloody code from Excel to VBA.

After struggling with it for about an hour, I finally realized I could use the record command. I knew the basis of what command I had to convert this into, but not the proper syntax. (I'm bad with coding... bad bad bad.) So, this is what the line turned into in VBA:

VBA version:

Selection.TextToColumns Destination:=Range("E4"), DataType:=xlDelimited, TextQualifier:=xlDoubleQuote, ConsecutiveDelimiter:=False, Tab:=False, Semicolon:=False, Comma:=False, Space:=False, Other:=True, OtherChar:="|", FieldInfo:=Array(Array(1, 1), Array(2, 1), Array(3, 1), Array(4, 1), Array(5, 1), Array(6, 1), Array(7, 1), Array(8, 1), Array(9, 1)), TrailingMinusNumbers:=True

Yup, you guessed it. Arrays. That's what fucked me and why it wouldn't work. I should have thought of it, but, like I said, I can't code for shit.

"I am leaving this legacy to all of you, to bring peace, justice, equality, love and a fulfilment of what our lives should be. Without vision, the people will perish, and without courage and inspiration, dreams will die - the dream of freedom and peace."
-Rosa Parks, 1988

So many people walk around in the world without vision. They don't want to look forward, but rather they stagnate on the past, gripping it like a security blanket. They focus on the past misdeeds, the past wrongs, the past misfortune. We cannot change the past. At least not the truth of it. Paper record can always be forged, changed and manipulated, but luckily I don't think Big Brother is watching over us quite that badly yet. I could be wrong though.

It is up to us to reach out with vision and see what our lives and the lives of those around us could be. What can be and what should be. In the end, most people all have the same goals: happiness, personal well-being (financial, emotional and physical), security (physical, emotional and financial) etc. Listen to the speaches of the leaders of the world to their people. Most say the same things. Most have the same views if they are willing to look at the larger picture instead of the narrow past that consumes them.

"I believe in one thing only, the power of the human will. " Do you know who said that? Most people would bet on Roosevelt or Churchill. Well, those people would be wrong. That was said by Joseph Stalin. While many people see him as a monster, in the end he honestly believed he was doing what was right for Russia. He wanted to acquire the same thing everyone else had: happiness, security, well-being.

The world is full of hatefilled people. Their vision currupted by the past, by the past wrongs done unto them and their people. There comes a point when you have to let go and turn your sights forward. You have to realize that maybe, that isn't what our lives should be. That perhaps, we can change and look to what they can be. We have to share a common vision, a common goal and I think most people do, even though they summon the vision under different names.

People should stop being so concerned about being right. In the end being right means nothing. It gives no warmth in the night and it doesn't create happiness. I suppose though, it is too hard to look outside yourself.

Its far to hard to see how our lives should be.

This is the first chapter of a book I've been slowly working on... well, probably a long short story, novela if you will. I already know where its going, but I tend to get side tracked with it as I write and the story comes to life on me and the characters take me elsewhere while still staying on the same path.

Chapter One

It came in the mail today. Another fucking package. I haven't opened it yet. I don't know if I should. I know my Mother-in-law is conspiring to kill me. Not in the literal sense of course, more of a quasi-serious "I hate you" kind of way.

She does hate me too.

I don't even know if she realizes that she does. Maybe she really is trying to kill me.

I stare at the box for a moment more. Real bombs don't tick anymore. And no ticking is coming from the box. I listen closely to the box. This box is definitely not ticking. Maybe I would be more comforted if it was.

Finally, I just open the box. Socks, a set of knives, enough beanie babies to drown a baby elephant, and some coffee samplers. Christmas coffee samplers. Jesus Christ in mint jelly. She knows I'm not Christian, she knows I never have been. I stare at my individually wrapped Christmas coffee sampler and wonder. Is she taunting me? My mother would fall over dead into their extra kosher matzo-ball soup and rabbi approved all beef bacon if she saw me drinking coffee from a package with a Nativity scene on it. I think my Mother-in-law is plotting with Jesus and his contingent of holier than thou disciples, past and present of course, to have God smite me dead of a holy caffeine overdose.

Is this beautiful or what? Baby Jesus on my pre-ground, individually wrapped, a vacuum sealed coffee samplers. For some reason, they just don't make coffee samples with baby Moses on them. Maybe that's taboo.

I mull around in the box. The socks are obviously for my husband. Much too large for me. The beanie babies? Who knows? She has this grand scheme in her head about those things. Or maybe she just sends them to piss me off.

It's 6:00. Where did my day go? The sun is starting to fall out of the sky behind the mountain, but its still high enough to blind me on my way home.

I love driving. It's the one time I truly get to be alone. It is relaxing despite the dense sunlight in my eyes. I change the radio station till I hear something I know the words to. It takes longer and longer these days. Eventually I find something that sounds either familiar or catchy, after all what’s the difference?

On my way home I forget about the box in the back seat and relax. I forget about work and the bills and where I'm going. I think about where I've been. I delude myself for a bit about where I want to be and where I wanted to be. The road less taken I suppose. The road never taken is what it really is. It doesn't really matter in the long run. It was a long day.

Then again, days just seem long lately. Long and dull and routine, everything is just routine. The ceaseless droning that doesn't stop. The coffee samplers. The socks, everything that remains the same. Even me. I drive past houses on my street. Driving is like autopilot, like breathing. I don't need to think about it anymore, it just happens. It just is. I am Zen itself when driving. My car and I are one, despite its large blue, square, hard exterior and my pinkish yellow round and smooth exterior. Inside we are one. A series of mechanisms that move together, dancing fluidly as one.

I glance out the window and see the houses slowly moving past me, or maybe it is vice versa, I suppose its relative really. The dull glow of the television can be seen out of most of them. I must be the only person on my street who doesn't watch television anymore.

I come in the door, my children run up to me. Joshua and Julia. What was my fascination with naming them like that? Same first letter. It wasn't really my fascination, it was my husbands. I suppose it could be worse, I could have given them rhyming names, like some people name their twins. I wanted to name them Romulus and Remus, but my husband would have none of that. So then I decided on Artemis and Apollo, similarly, no go.

"Mommy!" Goodness, they don't even look like either of us. Where did those green eyes come from? They wrap their arms around my neck as I lean down to them. I plant a kiss on their cheeks. My family is incredible non-despondent. Maybe it's the lack of TV.

"What did Daddy make for dinner?" They stare at me a moment with those big green eyes of their and blink a couple of times. "Daddy?" Why do they do that? Didn't I give them separate identities, the ability to speak as individuals? They run across the house singing their daddy song.

"How was work honey?"

"Not bad"

"Did you get that new project done?"

"Not quite." This is a lie, but it’s easier than saying I have had my work done for the week for the past three days.

"Did you finish that new piece you were working on?" He stood there, grinning like a child who had just discovered some new and exotic food, a twinkie or something.

"Close your eyes."

"That's silly, just show me."

"Close your eyes."

"Fine."

He kisses me and places two objects into my hand. I look at them. One is a crescent moon with a raise bow and arrow on it, the other a full sun with a chariot embossed on it. "For the kids."

"You're taunting me with this."

"No, just me way of apologizing for naming them how I wanted."

"This is cruel."

"I love you, darlin."

"I love you too, but it's still cruel."

He saunters off after the kids. "Joshua! Julia!" I hate when he does that. I've gotten used to it though. He refers to me as honey, darlin' or mommy now. I don't think he's called me by my name since the children were born and named.

The children come running to him. They adore him. Julia hops into his arms. Her blondish reddish, brownish hair against his cheek as she squeezes his neck tightly.

"Mommy wants to know what you made for dinner."

"I was thinking of making chicken."

"You didn't make anything yet?"

"Nope I didn't." Why is he so damned honest?

So I search the freezer for something easy to fix, and fast. I didn't eat lunch, I almost never eat lunch. The freezer is strangely barren. It is not empty by any mean, just barren. Everything within looks dull and bland despite the colorful packaging and the smiling faces of the otter pops strewn about the interior. I choose the plainest package just to spite the colorful, smiling otter pops. Fish Sticks. While the though is less than appealing, I won't renig on it. Fish sticks are by no means a complete meal, even the thought of it is unsatisfying. Maybe that's why I don't eat lunch. Fish Sticks make a perfectly acceptable lunch on their own.

So, fish sticks it is. I dump them onto a tray and put them into the oven to cook for the second time. "Mommy! Mashed potatoes!"

"Ok. Mashed potatoes then."

"Mommy! Green beans!" I smile. I have the only children in the world that aren't satisfied with fish sticks on their own either. For a moment, they look like me.

Dinner is on the table and everyone is looking around at each other, enjoying pleasant conversation. When did my kids become so old? They are only four, but I swear the things that fall out of their mouths. "Mommy, today we learned how to smelt! Daddy showed us."

"Oh? Really? Did he now?"

"Yes."

She holds out a small piece of gold that looks like a piece of drool. "I made it myself. Isn't it pretty?"

"Yes dear. Did you wear the big gloves so you couldn't burn yourself."

"Yes, daddy says they’re dragon gloves! From real dragons! Special so I don’t burn."

"Dragons eh? Well, I guess you’re safe then."

"Mommy, today I finished my book. You know, the one about the lions."

"Oh?"

"Yes, I didn't like it. It was childish and stupid. Will you take me back to the library and help me pick out some books? You have better taste than the librarian."

"Of course I will."

And so dinner goes. My family holding a pleasant conversation, enjoying each other. I feel strangely outside of it all. I am not here during the day and I think sometimes I am missing everything good. Why don't they fight? Why do we all get along? Is it because I am never here? Probably. My own family started to get along after I left too. Spending time together, not like when I was there. I went home to see my parents and it was surreal to say the least. Maybe I am the only one who is despondent.

I clean the dishes.

"Honey, I love you."

"I love you too."

"Will you tuck the kids in?"

"You know I always do." I feel him kiss the back of my neck. I hate when he does that. It makes me cringe.

I hate not being able to see what's going on. Shivers run through my body and I shudder uncomfortably.

Its 9:00. I have to be up in 9 hours to go to work. The thought is daunting.

Suddenly I remember the package in the car. I walk outside and get it, a few stray beanie babies have fallen out. I throw them into the box, scowling. My husband is thrilled at the box. For some reason the socks really excite him. I've never liked socks. I avoid them at all costs.

I get ready for bed as he wanders around the house in his new socks. As I lay down for bed, I pick up the book I keep on the dresser. I never really read it, so I haven't ever finished it. I don't really read in bed, it just helps me fall asleep.

My husband comes into the bedroom and kisses me softly on the lips. "I've been thinking about you today."

"Really?"

"Yes." He kisses me again. I know what this means, but as always I play innocent.

As we are making love, the light is on. I feel cold underneath the bleak light of the lamp. Goose bumps stand up on my skin and I try to cover myself. My husband looks at me for a moment and we continue to make love.

Is this making love? Would it be warmer in the dark? As we reach a fairly mutual cusp, we lay in each others arms just resting. He plays with my hair, brushing it off of my forehead. It falls back the second he lets go.

I grin.

"I love you."

"I know."

"You are the only one for me."

"I love you too."

------
I sleep. I wake up.
------

I hate mornings. I look and see I have no coffee. Damn it all. I look at the box. Fucking Christ.

I reach in and prepare an individually wrapped Christmas coffee sampler. I don't pay much attention to it. As I sip my coffee, I notice it is the one with the nativity scene. I close my eyes. It was a conspiracy. I knew it. It tastes horrible, I pour it down the sink.

And so, this weekend I went camping and it was good. Everything that should be a part of camping (camping and hiking are different) was there .. fire, food, beer, freaky deaky tent sex. It was quiet this weekend because it had been threatening to rain all weekend, but we got none of it, it all migrated south. Alright, that is a lie, it rained for about 20 seconds. That's it. Not even enough to get the ground moist.

It was very relaxing and hard to focus when I got back. I was mellow and good and sat around for a long while doing nothing when I got back. We decided to head back early Sunday morning because well, if I had had nuts, they would have been frozen off. We had wood still, but no kindling and it was just a pain to start a fire. So we just packed up and headed home. We avoided most church traffic, so it was probably best we left when we did.

I feel renewed in a way. But, my mind is still distant, unfocused, relaxed. I suppose I feel like I am in a few places at once. I wish I was still out and about in nature, but I'm not.

No matter. When I get home I plan to ride a mile or so on my bike with my husband, then fix some dinner and curl up with a book or MUD a bit. I am looking forward to riding my spiffy new bike around. I want to get back into shape so I am going to keep track of all the days I am good and go on at least a short ride. I want to get into the habit of riding, so for the next two month I am going to try to ride everyday as soon I get home from work and change into some sweats. My husband also needs to get into shape to help prevent the onset of diabetes that is tragically hereditary in his family. He also needs to get into shape to get into shape.

I actually got home in time to listen to myself on Mango Radio. I think that will be the last time I listen to myself. Uhg. I hate hearing myself babble. I sit there thinking, "Why the fuck did I say that?" "Fuck, I am stammering like an idiot." I want to tell myself to shut up. Gods, I suck. Oh well. That is what I get for not editing I suppose. Though, I don't think my show would be all that much better if I did edit. Who knows. Maybe next week I'll give that a spin and try some editing.

My "Spotlight On" will be Tori Amos this week. I need to remember to do a little bit of research on her before I get together that blurb. I've found that I open my show generally with something older and classier than what I play the rest of the show. I think I'll stick with this and open up with some Duke Ellington this week. Probably Black and Tan Fantasy. Or maybe some Billie Holiday, not sure yet. As for the rest fo the set lists, I have no fucking clue. I'll probably wing it as I sit there talking and try to segway into music that makes sense with what I talk about.

Lots of neat stuff in the news today, but that should probably get a blurb of its own.

So... today I am going camping. I'm leaving in about an hour! yay!

I shall be off for the weekend and it hsall be good. I havn't been camping in a while and I miss it. I have been looking forward to this weekend for some time now. But...

But Wilma is coming and it might rain me out of my fun camping trip. I hope not, but it is looking more and more likely. Ah well. I got a new tent and it makes me happy. I got everything together for this weekend for my radio show and I am totally free of responsibility before I leave now.

So, rain or not, I am going to tough it out. if it does rain too much, I will go to the big oktoberfest that is happening in the nearby city and drink much beer. beer is like camping, except not.

Adventures! Here I come!

I apologize for my incoherance, I havn't slept tonight and I am experiencing much loopiness.

I want to be dii-iirty.

Yes, that's right folks, it is officially (well, in LA anyway) Rocky Horror Picture Show day. Yup yup.

I am a RHPS junky. I even do the floor show and here is proof:

Rock on you sweet transvestites you.

In the past 2 days I have deleted about 60 spam comments. What the fuck? They came out of no where. Before it was one or two a week, now 60 in less than two days? God damn it. I suppose I need to find me some spam poison.

Bastard Spammers. I hate you. You should have to spend a week in a small box with Harriet Miers and GW with nothing but a tele turned to the 700 Club 24/7. I think that would be akin to the 6 circle of hell.

Well, I don't know why I posting more crap today. well, I do, because blogroller sucks. well, that's not true, except that it is, but it's not why I'm posting again. I'm posting again because you Shitty bloggers suck. That's right, you suck. I made extra shitty buttons for SBC and no one took them. Bah on you! Baaaaah I say. (And that's not in the cute sheep way either, its in the crotchety old man way)

Perhaps no one stole them because they didn't want to have to post them in an entry. Lazy fuckers. Despite this, I still have faith in you shitty bloggers. honestly. Really. a little bit. Okay, none at all. We are after all all members of The Shitty Blogs Club after all. But, I made some more buttons. The little cute button that seem to be all the rage in the 80 x 15 pixel size.

Here is for you shitty bloggers who read my blog and leave comments.

Here is for you shitty bloggers who occasionally drop by and never leave comments because you're lazy or you think I'm a dumbass.

Here is for you shitty bloggers who don't read my blog and won't ever see this because you're elitist wankers and think you're too good for the rest of us shitty bloggers.

And here is for the cool people who actually read my blog and listen to mango radio. You enjoy the Shitty Blogs Club radio show and the rest of the programming and are cool. You don't suck at all.

Now go shitty bloggers! Go out and be prosperous. Be fruitful and Multiply and shit. Listen to the Mango radio! Leave comments on the blogs! Stop being lazy wankers!

I didn't even get the three people I didn't even get the three people I was shooting for to steal my last buttons. how sad is that? Seriously? How sad is that? How many shitty bloggers are there? like a gazillion. But how many in the Club? Like a hundred or so? More?

Ah well. Really, this is just a sign I have too much idle time at work between experiements.

Well, my birthday is this week. That right, happy fucking birthday to me. (That is fuck in a good way, not the disparaging way... tone does not come off well in type.) So, I am taking Thursday and Friday off of work to go camping. I am going to a place called Andrew's Cove. I am looking forward to a bit of hiking and over all outdoorsy type stuff. I don't get out enough these days. Now that I have actual vacation time at work, I decided to use it. That's right, I get paid for time off now. Damn that's cool. This is a first for me so let me bask in my adult-like job.

So, I am leaving early Friday morning to get up there and staying 'til Sunday afternoon. This means I have to get my radio show done by Wednesday, because I'm not going to be doing shit on Thursday (as that is my actual birthday). So, now I must put together a show and get it all done. I don't really know where I'm going to be going with the show yet. I'll probably babble about the World Cup prelims ... mmm. That England qualifier was dissapointing. Wow, it was excruciatingly dull for a match.. But that Ukrain game was awesome.

Then I'll babble about my birthday which should also be a bloody hoot. We can play guess Utopia's age. That should be fun.

Music? Don't know yet. I'll take requests and letters and read those. What the hell right? Try to guess how old I'll be on Thursday.

Email me: AbstractUtopia@gmail.com

I think I'm going to go with a birthday type theme because that seems like a good idea. Yep. Fan-fucking-tabulous.

And Blogroller... I fucking hate you.

So, recently I was asked to make an evil character for Shadow Siege. Mind you, this came right when I actually started playing my first alt on there on a semi-regular basis. (This is mostly because I havn't been in the right mind set to play by happy-go-lucky, dumber than a sack of hammers, amazonian warrior woman.) So, I have been pondering this, trying to think up a good evil character for the game who isn't insane, Vek or prone to getting squished in the first 10 minutes of me signing on.

This is harder than it looks. Of course, my evil is much different than most people's evil. In my eyes someone is not evil because of what they want, but rather how they go about getting and why they want it. So, what sort of character do I have in mind? I was thinking perhaps someone who was lawful evil: Controled, metered, calculating, patient, cruel and cunning. The sort of evil that people honestly don't want to believe is evil.

There is much more to this ramble... beware.

On a MUD I played some time ago, I had a house leader. She was the Captain of the Concolor Guard. The Concolor Guard was the personal army of the Duchy of Tirome. The House Tirome was basically evil (or incredibly "driven" if you want to look at it that way.) She was 100% loyal to her House. Die hard in the rough loyal. She would do anything commanded of her, without question. Over time, I created a massive army from the player base and had most of them tricked into thinking that the Concolor army was "good". My character was intensely lawful, but also incredibly evil.

As I see it, this sort of evil won't really work in the world of Shadow Siege. First off, there aren't many noble houses a character could serve directly like this (those positions are taken). With dryth around, it is harder to trick people into thinking you're "good". There really isn't anyone to wage war with save for the demons.

My last evil character was simply drop down evil. Not insane, simply evil. She served the God of Death and honestly believed that everyone would be happier in his realm. She would kill those who were afraid of death or who she simply deemed unworthy of living (which was damn near anyone).

So, what now?

What sort of evil should I play? Shadow Siege has enough psychopaths, enough sociopaths, enough bipolar schitzophrenics. I think someone more metered, more calculating is needed. Someone who is patient (and evil warlord who knows when to run away and fight another day as it were).

But, I love my other characters. I am just starting to really flesh out my first alt. She actually talks to people now. Woo! Of course, she hates people in general and it wouldn't be hard to push her from the teettering edge of neutrality into evil. The Gods don't really care after all so long as people remain devoted to them. Evil Priestess of Cymur... amusing. "You need a holy cleansing. Take the enema of sulfer now bitch."

And... believe it or not, my first character was originally supposed to be shifted into the land of evil. It wouldn't be hard, just no one has taken advantage of her. She started out with no sense of right and wrong. It would have been easy because she didn't (and truly doesn't) understand the concepts. But, now she has morals. Left to her own devices she grew them out of a sense of loyalty to her friends and the people she thinks are her friends. It still surprizes me that no one really uses her. Ah well, such is the effect of pity.

So, what next?

I don't know where Tzoli is going honestly. She is definately a one of a kind in the world (though recently there is another character that has a startlingly similar background and personality which I find slightly annoying). What is next for her? I have no clue. She floats in and out of plot lines like smoke, leaving little trace that she was there save for the fact that probably more people are living thanks to her. She is involved yet separate from most people. Save for her loyalty to her friends (which tend to become more and more sparce as time wears on) she has little to tie her to the world. Recently someone has declared their love for her. But somehow, this still hasn't given her anchor in the world.

Umimur... she is fun to play; almost more fun than I thought she would be. Very driven character, very different from Tzoli. She wants to move up in the world. She has goals, direct goals. She doesn't especially like people and is a woman of few words. However, she also knows that she is nothing in the grand scheme of things. Fun to play, interesting outlooks really.

So, an evil character? This has left me wondering. I realize Tzoli is probably not long for the world as she is now. She is willing to die and probably will soon. So, I should start thinking about an evil character.

Hmmm.

Ideas?

You know you really love someone when you save your last cookie for them even though they bought the package for you.

Well, today I got a new mic for my computer. Why you ask? So I can talk into it for...

Yep, that's right. I am now a dj on the Mango Radio. It will be a grand show about nothing. I am rather excited. I should finish the show tonight and possibly even get it uploaded for my first Sunday show. Hopefully. THings still have the chance to go horribly horribly wrong.

I have redone my forst little podcast that I did and changed it completely. Heck, I'm not even using the same music anymore. I'll admit, my show is more about the music than about me talking. I don't especially like to hear myself talk. I sound dreadfully droll and hopelessly sarcastic. Not quite as bad as a classical music dj. Honest I swear. Anyway, the first show is all about me. If you actually read this blog it won't be much new: just random blather from Utopia gone mad with power.

Mmm.... computers, internet and music all in one. How could this possibly go wrong?

Anyway, a sneak peek for you faithful readers as to my playlist. It is grouped into little block of things I like so all of the crazy mango listeners can get to know me. Of course, it's on Sunday so I'll probably have like two listeners. (My husband being one of them.) These are just a few songs in the sets, I don't want to give it all away of course. I have to draw you in somehow.

Group 1 - New Wave
The Killing Moon - Echo and the Bunnymen
Plastic Passion - The Cure

Group 2 - Acoustic Fun!
Dreams be Dreams - Jack Johnson
Fire Door - Ani DiFranco

Group 3 - It's the 90's
About a Girl - Nirvana
#1 Crush - Garbage

Group 4 - A Bit Obscure
Beautiful - Joydrop
Cellophane - Amanda Ghost

Group 5 - I am the Geek Fantastic
Go Monkey Go - Devo

Well, there is a little taste of what is to come of Utopia On Mango.

Remember people... fruit is sexy!

So, 2 out of the five people have responded to my tag. Not bad all in all. One of the ones who responded was not one I was expecting. I suppose that makes me a winner.

In response to the 23rd sentance tag game, I came up with one of my own. Why not right? So here are the Rules:

1. Go to your First entry (that isn't a test)
2. Take the first sentance and write it down.
3. Go to your most recent entry and take the last sentance and write it down.
4. Mix the two sentances into one witty sentance or phrase. You may drop words, but not add them.
5. Tag the person who leaves the most comments on your Blog.
6. Tag the person who has left the least number of comments on your Blog.
7. Tag one person more person just because you want to.

First Entry, First Sentance

I have found that from time to time, we all need to get in touch with our inner child.

Last Entry, Last Sentance

Bringing education to stupid people.

New Sentance!
Our inner child found that we all need to get education to touch stupid people.
I have found that from time to time, we all need to get in touch with our inner child. Bringing education to stupid people.

Tagged:
Most Comments: ravennacht of the Mooted Point.
Least Comments: Stephen of Otios
Random: WebKittyn who warbles on her Blog.

Will this catch on? Probably not. But that's okay.

So, today I have decided to pimp out The Shitty Blogs Club Radio. . I listen to this show on the podcast every week. Admitedly, from time to time I fall behind in listening, but I download the shows so what does it matter when I listen to them? I listen to nearly all of the shows on Mango Radio. I have fallen behind a bit and need to catch up on Wil Thrasher's show and monogodo's show, but I am almost there. Who needs sleep anyway?

So, once again in doing my duty to the SBC to which I so proudly belong, I made an extra shitty button to show off Jeckles Radio Show - Shitty Blogs Club Radio. I have to at least pretend to care right? Sadly, I am probably one of Jeckles' three regular listeners. (I know he must have at least three, he reads mail from them and I don't think he has the time to make them up.) He finally added me to the Shitty Blogs Club Blogroller after my second letter to him to read on the radio. Remember, it's not that he's lazy... it's that he has no help and is hopelessly disorganized. Of course, he doesn't ask for help, so it's still his own damn fault. Anyway Jeckles, I support you damn it. Go team. Shitty Blog powers activate! Form of...a comode! Form of... Bloggers! (I've done this two times in as many days... something has gone horribly wrong inside my head I think.)

Anyway fellow SBC'ers listen to the radio show. It's cool even though Jeckles talks about football and other things I don't give a shit about. He plays cools music most of the time and displays that he can have witty banter with e-mails. Jeckles, I know you don't whine. You have the right to piss and moan with the rest of us. So, here is your shitty button. This one only took me about three minutes. It's extra shitty, just for you.

So, all you shitty bloggers, put up the button, pimp the Radio show. Listen lazy bastards. I know at least three of you can manage it. I'm shooting for three! Gods, this is sad people. Saaaaaad.

Just wait until I have to pimp my own show. That's right... it's coming people. Utopia Radio on Mango. Bringing education to stupid people.

So, Jeckles doesn't seem to think that the SBC is getting enough linky lovin lately. So, not only am I going to Pimp this shitty club I belong to, but I even went out and made a button for it. It is a shitty button that took me five whole minutes to make. Not two or three, but five. If you include compressing and saving it may have taken me six minutes. of course, this button isn't sized all nice or anything (it's 300x114 pixels making it too wide and thus unfriendly for side bar linking).

So, this is my goal to all you Shitty Bloggers who probably don't even bother to read my site. Your task is to post this button in an actual entry and link it to the SBC. How many of you will actually do this? Two? Three? Gods, you people suck.

Well, WebKittyn has tagged me with a little quiz thingy. Being that I have a weakness for these things of course I'm going to respond (and also give her linky loving in the process). So... here are the rules:

The rules:
1. Delve into your blog archive.
2. Find your 23rd post (or closest to).
3. Find the fifth sentence (or closest to).
4. Post the text of the sentence in your blog along with these instructions. Ponder it for meaning, subtext or hidden agendas…
5. Tag five people to do the same.

This comes from a post entitled "I Like Machines":

As some may or may not know, my Mother (in law) died in December of cancer.

I was posting in response to the latest news about nanotech that attacks and kills cancer cells without harming others around it. You can find the article here: Nanotechnology Kills Cancer Cells. Was there any hidden meaning in this sentace? No, not really, I am fairly certain this is about as blunt as I get. There was a hidden agenda in this post in general as I was contemplating doing the 24-hour Blog-a-thon this upcoming year and donating to the American Cancer Society so they will continue to fund research like this. In a vague sort of way I suppose I was trying to drum up sponsors (a year ahead of time) for my cause.

Now, I suppose I must tag 5 people. (Do Five people even read my blog who weren't listed on WebKittyn's list?) I suppose we shall find out.

1. Ravennacht, who writes The Mooted Point
2. Influenceme dot Net written by Daiferas
3. Sierra, the cute little Siamese of Siamese Sensibilities - Okay, yes, this idea amuses me horribly.
4. Meathe, who muses in Musings, Meanderings
5. Aaaand... Ummm... Indigo who writes Outside my Head

Right then, I suppose we shall see who actually reads my blog to get tagged. I'm hoping for three of the five. Go team! Blog powers activate!

So, I have put together a pod cast. It's about 1.5 hours long (give or take) without me speaking. For me, it is all about music. I don't especially like to listen to myself talk. However, I am working on sound bites of myself. The process is not really hard honestly with the sound forge. Of course, I havn't played with any of the effects yet. My first goal is to learn how to make a bloody fade. I am apparently too stupid to figure this out. I should probably read the directions.

So, now I just have to think of something to say that won't bore or alienate the listener. (Not like I have any listeners, but the idea amuses me.) Back in college I used to be able to do this. I said nothing of any value really, just sort of talked. Of course, no one listened to our college radio station either. I suppose that is what I'll do now. I need to search for a theme. I could babble on about music, which I do enjoy babbling on about. I could also babble on about just about anything that comes to mind, which I also enjoy babbling about. However, I think I should maintain a theme. People like themes.

So, I suppose it will be the Utopia show. What does that mean?

Fucked if I know.

I'll take suggestions from the minions who have offered to listen to my silly little cast. If its good, I may even do multiple casts. On like... a schedule or something.

Woo.

L'shanah tovah tikatev v'taihatem! L'shanah tovah tikatevi v'taihatemi!
May you (masculine, then feminine) be inscribed and sealed for a good year.

First off, I am a very bad Jew. I am working on Rosh Hashannah. I have been working for the whole thing. I have not taken the day off and walked to Synagogue to hear the sounding of the Shofar. I have however, spent the past few days in introspection and making resolutions. I did buy apples and dip them in honey to have a sweet new year. But, I did not eat kosher yesterday and I probably won't today either. I have not gone to fresh running water to cast off my sins this year, not have I emptied my pockets into the river. (I never put anything in my pockets honestly.)

Most importantly, I am working. My mum would be quite displeased with me.

I could go into a long discourse about what Rosh Hashanah is, but you are on the internet and have some sort of web browser and are thus capable of finding out yourself. I am sure there are people much better suited than I to explain it.

Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur are two of the holidays I actually like and try to observe in the Jewish religion. I have deviated greatly from my childhood practice and strayed more into KBH, Alchemy and more pagan roots.

So, it's October. This is probably one of my favorite times of the year. I am a libra (and an October libra at that), so I always feels peaceful around this time. I like the season, still warm, but cooling off enough to where I have an excuse to make hot tea by the gallon and bitter, hot cocoa. Pumpkins, squash, apple cider, fresh grian from the farmers market, bread. Yum. This is generally the season I cook the most. As such, it is the season I am most likely to gain weight. Of course, I don't really give a crap about that. Not in the least. I bounce between a size 6 and a size 8 and really, there is nothing to be ashamed of in that. I have large hips and I have always had large hips. Even when I ran 5 miles a day in sprints and lifted weights for an hour I had large hips. Luckyly, to go with the large hips I have nice legs. Shapely thighs and calves that are pretty muscular.

Of course, I havn't been working out as much as I should since I got my job. I have cut my daily yoga in half and I havn't been doing all the other things I should be doing. Bleh. This makes me feel a little guilty. So, I have decided what I am going to get myself for my birthday. A Bicycle and a camping trip. To be specific, a pair of bicycles. One for me and one for my husband. (He needs to lose weight, or at elast he is always complaining that he does. Well, that and the doctors said he should so he can hold of the diabetes as long as possible.) I love to ride. When I was a child, I wasn't allowed to watch television and I lived out in the bloody boonies of Arizona. So, no other kids, at least not my age. I spent much of my time alone, riding my bike around in the desert mountains. (Well, I spent most of my time doing this or reading.)

Now I live in the city so it is a different kind of riding, but I don't live far from Stone Mountain and the bike trails there. I have set a goal for myself. As soon as I get a bike, I want to ride at least 5 miles a week. Most of this will probably be done on the weekend, but it is a reasonable goal in my mind. Maybe I'll even try to ride a mile every day after work. I get home early enough now that I carpool. I want to get into the habit.

I have started doing research on bikes. Not sure what kind I want yet, but I'm fairly certain it will probably be a hybrid of some sort. It will be an adventure. I'm excited.

I love this time of the year. It is the time I can actually plan and get shit done. I tend to get into habits and keep them. I started playing Shadow Siege around this time last years and it's a habit I've kept and I still enjoy it. I also started RP Blogging around this time last year and I have been pretty dang good keeping up with it as well. Yeah. October.

Spiffy.