Compromise
Relationships are often tricky. I learnt this at an early age, and luckily its a lesson I remembered. I don't know how I'd be coping now if I didn't. I have found that more than anything though, they are about compromise. Its not about finding the person who is 'easiest' to be with... it's compromising, and finding the person who is willing to compromise with you. My last relationship was nasty. I know that now. I can look back and say, yes, that deffinately was the worst mistake I ever made. A lot of pain was caused by it - not just for me, either. It was -easy- to stay in the relationship... Only because I was scared too leave, but that did make it easy to stay. But there was no compromise there... I couldnt make the good times last long enough in my memories to make up for the bad ones. Theres an old rule which says that for every 1 bad time with your partner, there should be at least 5 good ones. Looking at the relationship I have now... I can't truthfully say that is happening for me. Its far from happening, often its more like 5 bad times for 1 good times. 5:1 rule. The compromise is that I don't leave, because I can do with him what I could never do with my last relationship - I can make the good memories last so that the bad ones, don't seem significant. With this relationship, I learned to forgive. Not to forget, for that is neither healthy for me nor does it help me learn. But I can -forgive-, which is fifty times more important. Its the compromise, the balance, that is the delicate thing... I knew it would be, I didn't go into this blind or anything like that - I knew it would be tough. And I am not complaining, as such. Just letting off steam. With the last guy it was easy to stay. With this one, it should be easy to leave. Thats what my head tells me. "It should be easy to leave him."
But then there is that little part of me somewhere else... (Somewhere that I didn't really know existed before he came.).. which follows it up with a quiet, plaintive whisper of, "But it isn't...."
Love is complex and difficult.
It hurts.
But the compromise I have, with myself, and with him, makes it bearable in a way that makes it enjoyable. I have to hurt a little, now or again... Or I wouldn't ever appreciate anything good.