February 07, 2007
Holey Jeans
Why is it that every pair of jeans I buy ends up getting holes right at the corner of the back pockets within a month. I don't even use the back pockets that often... it's not like I store a camper back there or anything. Doesn't seem to matter what brand of jeans it is either. How irritating!
Posted by Ravennacht at 09:45 AM
September 19, 2005
Observations on the President
President Bush goes into the hurricane ravaged south and makes several public/press appearances, for which I am greatly happy about, for that is what is needed. I grow puzzled over two things however, for which I have noticed a pattern of when he speaks from the area.
1. Conveyance of Emotion - why do you laugh or smile at inappropriate junctures in your speech when you are discussing a calamity... it kinda portrays you as a person that doesn't understand the gravity of a situation.
2. Iraq Paralleling - why do you get sidetracked on the subject of Iraq. My argument is this... you are in one of our states, where a great natural disaster has occurred, something that happens once every several hundred years. Those people deserve your complete and utter single-minded attention, no sidetracking, no misunderstandings, only answers and help. Why do we have to listen to 15 minutes of discussion about Iraq and terrorism when neither have a direct corrolation to the effort to help Louisiana, Mississippi and Alabama. (aside from perhaps the availability of troops to assist, but its never kept JUST to that topic) Why can't you just answer such questions with "I have already answered that, I am here to discuss this issue of importance today." You portray yourself as absentminded and easily distracted when you can't keep to the topic at hand. There is no terrorist to point at and make us afraid of. There is fetid water in peoples houses, people are displaced, the city is disrupted... FOCUS already!
Posted by Ravennacht at 11:54 AM
August 14, 2005
Be Fruitful and Multiply
My cousins and I had the opportunity to uncover a devious plot recently in the midst of a discussion with my mother and aunt. My floridian cousin, Heather (19), had made a statement about wishing to adopt an asian child, not to have one of her own, at some point.
Our aunt, Rita, for some reason, got all wound up about the adoption issue and wanted to know why she wouldn't have one of her own and acted like it was a family deal or something. I sat there the whole time listening to this, until finally I chimed in, revealing the conspiracy behind the conversation.
I told them to stop imposing their oppressive catholic breeding strategy upon us to ensure that we pop out more babies! Naturally my aunt got all speechless when I said it, my mom thought it was hilarious, so did my cousins. I shall not be deceived! Catholic Oppressors in the family!
Posted by Ravennacht at 08:41 PM
August 09, 2005
Flying Insects and Swatters
How is it that insects inside the house swarm all over you and drive you to the point of near screaming with their incessant buzzing about your head, landing on you, getting into your food, etc., YET, the second that you grab a fly swatter or a rolled up newspaper to mush the flying vermin, the bastards disappear. Put down said smusher, and they come right back. I am convinced flys have been genetically altered by the government into these swatter detecting super bugs as some form of evading annoyance factor for humanity. Damn you gene-manipulating Dr. Frankenstein's and your insect monstrosities!
Posted by Ravennacht at 12:01 AM
July 14, 2005
Insomnia Answered
The cat is spiking my drinks! She doesn't want me on the bed. That has to be the answer! *goes to do battle with the cat for the bed*
Posted by Ravennacht at 04:30 AM
June 15, 2005
Advertisements - Herpes, Erectile Dysfunction, forget the condom
I find it profoundly confusing that this Puritanical society finds nothing wrong with the fact that every other commercial on the television is a Herpes treatment medication, erectile dysfunction or other somesuch related medication, but everyone gets all huffy about a condom commercial being shown.
Let me get this message straight for my head. The treatment of the symptoms of herpes is more important than making sure that a condom is promoted to possibly block the exposure to the disease.
Married couples and seniors are allowed to lament their erectile dysfunctional woes to the world and wave the banner of medical treatment for sexual renewal, yet again, condom commercials are frowned on for promotion of safe and responsible protection in sexual encounters.
Just seems all backwards to me.
Posted by Ravennacht at 12:44 PM
May 11, 2005
Cessna in White House Airspace
NEWS: A Cessna was grounded today by F-16s after it violated White House air space. The Capitol, Supreme Court and White House were evacuated, telling people to "Run, not walk" as the plane approached and was unreachable by radio. Press and administration fled the buildings, running across the lawn to escape the believed threat. The F-16s were able to force the Cessna to turn away through the use of flares, and the pilots were later detained/arrested.
CONSPIRACY THEORY: Bush wants new Supreme Court Justices on the bench. Small white plane appears on the horizon, forcing octogenarian justices to hike their black robes and run for it. Forced aerobic workout leads to 3 or 4 Justices falling over dead on the lawn. Bush gets new Justice appointments made while his party still has majority in both houses of the Congress.
Posted by Ravennacht at 01:30 PM