January 12, 2007

And Lo and Behold, There it Is...

If you read earlier entries, you may recall that at the cemetary, during my grandfather's funeral, I had torn a petal from the rose and kept it. I had intended to press it in my Bible, but had left it in my wallet, forgotten in the rush of brain fugue that usually accompanies such events.

The next week I recalled having placed it there and to my alarm found it gone. Having used my wallet on a daily basis, I was naturally depressed in the certainty that said petal was probably enjoying a leisurely walk down some park lane, shopping for the latest discount vase in Walmart, or scanning a vending machine for some bottled water at that very moment.

Yesterday I came upon said petal right next to my keyboard on my desk. Now, I never place my wallet anywhere near the desk and I didn't move it there at any time and then forget it. It was in plain view.

Don't you just enjoy the miraculous spirituality of circumstance.

Posted by Ravennacht at 11:05 AM

October 09, 2006

Artistic Spirit

I always enjoyed drawing. It was one of the few things I could do well, so I thought... at least marginally better than some others. It was something that was me. I wasn't allowed to participate in music... in fact we were always expected to be quiet. I wasn't any good at sports... I hated people touching me, a drawback of what I would later be informed was my semi-autistic nature. I remember sitting for hours quietly on my own, just scratching out this and that... usually things I saw in magazines or on the television.

I used to love getting to watch cartoons and animations (I still do)... racing to my pencil and paper to try to make things happen the same way. I even remember making flip books so I could see a little cat I made run across the book. This all led to my first determined enlightenment of what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wanted to be an artist... maybe even an animator working for Disney.

This is one of the earliest pieces I have still surviving. I had done it for a science fair project that I was doing on the constellations. Draco the Dragon reproduced from a graphic.

The scope of my stuff has always been realism. For some reason (like I don't know), I have a need to make things match, to be perfect (not possible, I know). I would constantly be accused of copying over stuff, which I do not do, I match it by eye from the original. I have done so many drawings that I have destroyed because they "weren't right" that frankly I find it sad now.

When I got into school, I entered art classes with some of my peers. For a time it was quite enjoyable, allowing me to see different ways to make things appear on paper... not just by pencil, as was the only thing I had before that:

We were expected to do about ten drawings a week for grade, as well as our in class projects, which ranged from drawing (shading practice) grapes, vases and other objects on drapes, to painting color wheels strip by strip (add one drop of the darker color to the lighter mix, then paint, then again... all the way around the whole wheel).

(Dots only - Ink one shot)

(etching with scalpal on black cardboard)

By my second year in the art class, things started going badly. The teacher had a lot of favorites, spending most of her time lauding praises on them and judging the rest of us or just ignoring it completely. The criticism was a bit hard to swallow at the time... considering this was also in the highest period of stress for me at the time (divorce of parents occurring... torture at school... torture at home... etc). Art became a chore. It became something that just wasn't good enough for anyone... not the teacher, not the peers, not anyone at home... and finally not me. It felt like it was burned out of me. It was gone, the enjoyment was squelched.

I made it throughout college, rarely lifting a pencil to paper in artistic endeavour. I rarely felt the inclination or the drive. I never felt satisfied with anything. When I did feel the 'urge', It would take me forever to get anything done, I would stop and start, stretching out how long it would take to finish up a piece to over a year at times. It was like a chore.

(jaguar that caught my eye off a birthday card... took me over 3 years to finish it)

I started challenging myself to try to put out more, to break thru this mental blockade that seeps out anything that approaches enjoyment with the pencil. I wanted to try to draw people better, something I always had problems with and had never gotten guidance on how to do.

I became enamored with the works of Norman Rockwell. Not only did this man put out painting after painting on a timely basis for a living... but he also managed to capture the American Spirit and the ranges of emotions at specific moments. I can look at his paintings and 'feel' what the character is thinking at the time... whimsy, fear, exhaustion, etc. This is the man that is my greatest idol.

I still find myself cursed with the need for perfection. All of my pictures are wrought in uncertainty and dissatisfaction... my pencil stroke is harsh and jagged... I lack my ability to be certain... to be okay with however it turnes out. I have few drawings anymore which I consider 'originally mine', ie. something which I envision in my mind. I can never seem to be happy with whatever I try to make that way. I have countless unfinished pieces in my sketch book... all demanding my attention. I can see what they look like... I just can't seem to make it come out. I doubt. But then again, I doubt everything.

Sometimes I wonder what I would have been had I pursued this. If I actually still enjoyed it. I feel like I don't have the ability to dream sometimes... that it was burned away, taking this with it... diminishing it.

Posted by Ravennacht at 02:55 PM

September 09, 2005

The Infamous Evolution Textbook Sticker

Here it is, the infamous Cobb County Board of Education sticker which used to be used on science textbooks. It never ceases to amaze me the extent to which some people will force their views upon others, whether overtly or covertly.

I reckon that it would only be fair to place warnings on other textbooks as well, perhaps warnings on history books about lack of native american and african american content; governmental atrocities committed on citizens of Tuskegee (syphillus testing) in health books; etc etc.

Oh wait, even better, how about a sticker on the Bible next...

As I believe, the sticker was ruled unconstitutional, but the Board is reportedly appealing the decision. Tax dollars well spent...

Posted by Ravennacht at 02:17 PM

August 20, 2005

The Nazi Affiliated Pope (Not Pious)

I had to bring this rant right back to my own weblog, after responding in comment on Webkittyn Warbles concerning the Pope's recent visit in Germany to a synagogue.

Nothing annoys me greater than listening to the continuing antagonism of Pope Benedict XVI concerning his membership in the Nazi Party during his youth. His detractors continually overlook the fact that the membership was forced (as many in those days were) and he took avenues to get himself out of the service when he joined the priesthood, to his own detriment at the time.

The fact that he is German and from that era, does not make him a racist. Get over it already, hunt down the real threats in Afghanistan, Iraq and in hidden Odessa cellars in Argentina.

Recently, Israel lodged complaints to the Vatican representative concerning comments by Pope Benedict XVI in an address concerning recent terrorist attacks. It seems that they felt slighted in an apparent ommission of mentioning bombing attacks that had occurred in Israel. The Vatican's response was to tell Israel not to tell the Pope what to make speeches about. (gotta love the "Mind your own business", snub) He must be racist for being forgetful or having bad speech writers.

Now he's in Germany, speaking in Hebrew in a synagogue, continuing the steps first walked by John Paul II. Indeed, what a dastardly wicked closet nazi racist he is (insert sarcasm herein).

Posted by Ravennacht at 12:01 AM

August 18, 2005

Three Strikes and to the Confessional!

During the course of a recent conversation with Grandfather, I was able to catch him in a lie. I quipped about him having to go to confessional afterwards. His response being:

You only have to go to confession if you do it three times!

I thought that was quite funny... his own distorted version of the three strike rule.

Posted by Ravennacht at 01:50 PM

May 30, 2005

Religion vs. Spirituality

Words of wisdom from Uncle Timmer:

Religion is for those afraid of going to Hell. Spirituality is for those that have already lived through Hell.

Posted by Ravennacht at 12:08 PM

April 19, 2005

Habemos Papam - Pope Benedict XVI

Witness the selection of the 265th Pope. At noon.

White smoke billowing from the stack of the Vatican, or was it grey, no definitely white, are you sure it's white? The crowd was screaming, their eyes filled with anticipation, their banners waving in the breeze. The 6pm bell tolled, setting off the crowd in waves of roars, til they again fell to their uncertainty, as the great bell remained silent. The white/greyish smoke continued to billow.

Then, praise be to the forethought of John Paul II, the great bell began to swing. Even before the clapper struck the massive bell, the crowd was electric, alive, joyous. The square echoed with their cries, as the bell tolled, the message picked up by the other bells of the city and church. The new Pope has been selected. People of Rome stream into the square, filled to capacity, waiting, eyes locked on the crimson curtained plateau upon which the announcement shall be made and the man may be greet the world.

Who is it? What name shall he select? Is he moderate? Is he conservative? Will he be worldly like John Paul II?

The cardinals have seemingly selected so quickly, it was only yesterday when we were watching as they gathered and took their solemn oaths before being sealed within the church to have their discussions. Did John Paul II align them to a candidate? He did appoint so many of them. Are the groups so close that they have been able to settle upon a candidate so easily. Was the forerunner so easily found? It seems so.

The people are phenomenal, so happy, exhilerated, before they even know who it is. And the fact that it is people from around the world truly makes it special to me. That as one they have joined, yet again, to wait and celebrate, welcoming the new Papa. There are so many flags, fluttering in the breeze, proudly proclaiming the representation of countless nations.

I haven't had this much anticipation about anything before. The crowd is infectious. I practically jumped out of my seat when I saw the bell start to move "It moved, it moved, they have selected!"

We keep waiting for Cardinal Jorge Medina Estevez of Chile to come out and make the announcement as it has been done for time countless. The drapes keep fluttering, like someone is walking about the door inside the room, or perhaps sneaking peaks outside. They have to hear all these people from inside, they are so jubilant, like a professional team stadium. The bells have stopped, the crowd continues to wait.

The drapes are drawn, the door opens. The crimson curtains are pulled, we are waiting for the Cardinal. The crowd is going nuts!

Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger (78) of Germany has become the new Pope, Pope Benedict XVI. The crowd is still going nuts!

Now the guard is bringing out a papal banner and draping it from the balcony. The Cardinals watch on from their balcony, waiting. And he emerges, the crowd's voices grow like thunder, he stands, waiving, smiling.

DElivering his message of welcome, of thanks to John Paul II, and the other cardinals for their faith in him, in selecting him. The crowd chants his name, and he seems somewhat taken aback by it (not suprising considering the number of people there are). The prayer begins, the crowd silences, solemn, listening. The echoes of the prayers and the chants ring through the square. The "Amen" reverberating seemingly to the heavens, through the spirit.

We have a new Pope! Thank God.

Posted by Ravennacht at 12:16 PM

April 18, 2005

Conclave Begins

And the Conclave has convened in Rome. 115 Cardinals jammed in the chapel for an indeterminate amount of time trying to pick a person to lead the Catholic Church. Will he be conservative, fearful of moderate realism of the day, holding to the antiquity of the ancient church, stalwart to change. Will he be a moderate, reaching to those that have left and strayed, adapting the church to the changes of the current world. Will we see something new, or something old... or something in between. I want to know! (wonders if he still has time to join the honour guard) In the meantime, CNN is on 24/7 til I see some white smoke.

Posted by Ravennacht at 11:44 AM