September 10, 2005

T-Shirt Humor

My brother shared this site with me, it had some hilarious poster/t-shirt/hat designs: t-shirthumor.com

My personal favorites are GAS PRICES, OMG! and the BUSH LEAGUE DISASTER RESPONSE.

Posted by Ravennacht at 01:11 PM

August 18, 2005

Mommy Mommy!

(Courtesy of Ian)

Child: Mommy, Mommy! Why is Daddy running around in circles?
Mother: Quiet, or I will nail his other foot down.

Child: Mommy, Mommy! Why is Daddy running back and forth across the field?
Mother: Quiet, and help me reload.

Posted by Ravennacht at 01:56 PM

May 08, 2005

Aerial Small Talk

A man was stuck on a long flight across country. He found himself seated next to a woman who he found quite attractive, attentively reading her newspaper. He thought he wouldn't have a chance with her, but decided to make an attempt anyway.

Introducing himself to the woman, he lightly brought up the fact that their trip would go much faster if they entered into some discussion.

"What would you like to discuss." She asked, somewhat irritatedly closing her reading materials.

"Well, we could talk about nuclear physics." He said.

She thought for a moment, "That sounds interesting, but let me ask you something first. A horse, a goat and a cow all eat grass and hay... how does it come back out?"

The man pondered for a moment, and vacantly shrugged his shoulders, indicating that he did not know the answer.

"Well" she said with a knowing smile, "a cow has patties, a horse has balls, and a goat has pellets."

Snapping her paper and returning her gaze back to her reading she mutters, "Why would I want to talk about nuclear physics with someone who doesn't know shit."

Posted by Ravennacht at 11:50 PM

May 07, 2005

Social Security Visit

(courtesy of Cheryl)

Mr. Brown walks into the Social Security Administration for an appointment to sign up for Social Security Retirement.

As the Social Security counsellor is reviewing Mr. Brown's paperwork closely, scrutinizing his application with a slight frown, she explains, "Mr. Brown, I do not see a copy of your birth certificate here. How can you prove that you are of the legal age to qualify for benefits. You are rather spry looking, how do I know you aren't trying to pull the wool over the Administration's eyes."

Mr. Brown considers for a moment and says, "I really am sorry, I just could not find a copy of my birth records, is there no other way to prove that I am the age I say I am?"

The lady considers for a moment and then says, "Look, I will cut you a break, just show me the grey hair on your chest and I will have no doubts."

Mr. Brown agrees and unbuttons his shirt, revealing that he is indeed old enough to have grey hair. The agent approves his application, congratulates him on qualifying for retirement benefits and walks him out.

He is thrilled when he returns home to his wife, explaining how his day went and how the agent wanted to see his grey hair to prove how old he really was.

Mrs. Brown smiles archly and says, "You should have unbuttoned your pants instead, you could have gotten Disability too"

Posted by Ravennacht at 01:28 AM

Church Ladies

(Courtesy of Lisa)

Two elderly ladies were sitting in the front row of Church. The priest had been preaching for a very long time, the sermon stretching across many hours.

Fidgeting in her chair, the first lady whispers to her long-time friend, "I hope the good Father ends the sermon soon... my butt keeps falling asleep."

Says her friend, also in a whisper, "I know... I heard it snoring."

Posted by Ravennacht at 01:24 AM