June 02, 2007

New Bike

Finally broke down and decided to treat myself for a change. Got myself a new bicycle. A Raleigh Venture. Been riding twice a day. Feel better already. Much better than the uncomfortable racing road bike... those things are PAINFUL.

Posted by Ravennacht at 12:30 PM

May 22, 2007

Poison Ivy!

I've been struck down by the great torturer again. Poison Ivy has struck and I didn't even have the displeasure of catching it directly from the source, the plant itself. Seems the housemate decided to roll about in a bush or what have you and came home and defiled the house with the oil from the wretched plant. So now.. my hyper allergic arse is covered by the flaming itch. Someone is going to suffer for this, oh yes.

Not only does the itching sensation drive you nuts... and to me its like ants crawling on you (shudder). But the treatment of the shit is equally as insanity inducing.

Get calamine and you end up looking like a big pink pepto bismal commercial. Top that off with the fact that calamine ends up drying and making your skin looking like you are molting like a snake. Yeah they have clear calamine now (caladryl) but you still get that nasty flaking with it.

The alternative is another product by Band Aid that is similar, but contains alcohol in a gel form. So you get this instant burn and freeze sensation every time you use that... on top of having a nasty sticky wet oozing gel sticking to your clothes.

Top all the skin treatment off with doses of benedryl to fight the hystamines and the itching sensation. Problem with benedryl being that it makes you feel half asleep all the time... plus it upsets my stomach... plus it never seems to last long enough.

This shit gets in my face again and I will have to break down and go to the doctor for a shot. Been through that 200 dollar process once already, had to fight with the doctor to get a shot (which he wouldn't give me) and convince the nimrod that it was poison ivy in the first place (which it took him 30 minutes to determine that it was... duh). Only to be sent on my way with scrips for a corticosteroid pack and a slightly higher dosage of benedryl. Considering I had the shit in my eyes by the time i got to the hospital, I wanted a shot for fast relief not oral wait and see. ASS!

ARGH, misery thy name is Poison Ivy. Im burning all the furniture and all the clothes, its all contaminated!

Posted by Ravennacht at 11:25 PM

March 08, 2007

This is a very bad week. Bluffton baseball team crash in Atlanta, Estate matters for grandfather, MegaCode and Finals at college and top this wonderful sundae off with the semiannual skin doctor checkup with its usual unwelcome news that you don't want to hear. I am so angry and upset right now I don't know what to do with myself.

Posted by Ravennacht at 08:50 AM

February 08, 2007

Quit Smoking

I cannot know what it feels like to try to give up cigarette smoking. I have never smoked. Heck, I don't even drink or use drugs. The most I have had to give up is a 6+ soda a day habit. I draw no connection to how related caffeine habits are to nicotine... because I think cigarettes are far more addictive. So again, I don't know what its like. It's hard enough for me to distract myself from caffeine... I can only magnify that feeling in what I think it must be for a quitting smoker.

All I know is what it does. I watched my grandmother suffer for years from the effects of her own smoking. She quit ten years prior to her death, but the cancer had already started. There were months where she would have "spells" when she wouldn't come out of the bedroom or let anyone in... just not feeling well. Being a nurse, you would have thought she would have sought out treatment... it didn't happen. I guess the fear of "knowing" the truth was too much as well... I must get my manias honestly.

All cancers are evil to watch. Lung cancer is especially draining. It takes the wind from your sails. That feeling of trying to catch your breath because you smoke... magnify that several times over. The wasting of the body is terrifying. The pain with every ragged breath. The medications barely cleave a way through it. You are left in a fugue state, barely existing. Endless machines and tanks surround you... covered in tubes and lines... all just to push one more breath into you. And it goes on and on... until it ends. It's hideous. When there is nothing that you can do.

This is why I hate cigarettes. Not just hate... it goes deeper than that... I DESPISE them. They are the source... they are the nagging drive... they are bottled thunder just waiting to be opened and shock the hell of the user into opening the next. Yes, the person chooses to smoke... but in the end, the addiction makes it difficult as hell to give up.

I am a silent militant against smoking. I do NOT make smokers miserable. I don't throw a bitch fit over a smoker in a restaurant. I just go somewhere else. I don't whine about someone smoking in my house. I leave the room. I am not that vociferous loud mouth that likes to prattle on about how he knows better. All I know is what I personally experienced from it myself. No, I don't believe this will happen to every smoker. Being the alarmist... It's the only result I see, however unrealistic that may be.

I can't control if someone smokes... but all I can ever see is the end result... over and over. All I can feel is what it feels like to be in the room with someone suffering from it, wasting away, dieing. The worry never goes away... you can hear the crud in someone's lungs in a conversation... the throat constriction... the staining of the skin around the fingers... the smell of smoke and nicotine in the hair and clothes. You can see the weakness permeating the body... how steps are an issue, making the body feel like lead... the wheezing from the exertion of walking one step too far.

I can't speak on how hard it is to quit smoking. I don't know and hopefully I never will. All I know is I hope and pray Webkittyn makes it through the raging needs and mind numbing temptations to fight her way through it. I know it won't be easy. I don't know what it feels like. All I know is, she doesn't deserve to live with it. No one does.

Posted by Ravennacht at 09:50 AM

February 07, 2007

Bad mania day. So agitated that every sound irritated me. Which led to me getting more aggravated. So naturally I ended up trying to burn it all away by working myself into a lather. Snow shovel the front of the house (burn your lungs out from the cold and waste your back from throwing 3-4 inch snow piles); start and clean off all the cars; Do my taxes; do four loads of laundry; do the dishes; reorder several disorganized things; put all my cds away in the carousel; clean off the stairs; put away all the coats; throw all the shoes into the appropriate owner's room. yada yada yada.

This is what happens when I let the agitation grow (estate stuff and other stuff)... triggers my manic anxiety... which throws me into these clean sweep or destructive modes. Too bad no one had a barn they needed raised or something... coulda happened.

Posted by Ravennacht at 09:03 PM

January 29, 2007

Don't feel well. Don't feel well. Don't feel well.

Water til you develop gills. Headaches from the lack of caffeine. Dropped another bit of poundage and am now in the 160s. Yippy kae eh

Posted by Ravennacht at 01:25 PM

December 26, 2006

Not feeling very well right now. I think all this stress and lack of sleep is finally catching up on me. I'm having all manner of physical problems right now. I just hope I don't end up having to go to the hospital.

Posted by Ravennacht at 03:01 PM

November 13, 2006

It's Going Around or Something...

It's turning out to be another of 'those' months. My uncle (married to my Aunt Rita) is undergoing several tests. He has been urinating blood, pain in the back, ashy color skin. He has taken off work from now til after Thanksgiving. He has already been in for an ultrasound and a dye test. Still do not know the test results yet, could range from kidney stones to kidney failure.

While voting this week, the postal officer (she also works with the other retired ladies as a vote worker) called mother over and told her that Grandfather hasn't paid his postal box fees or picked up his mail for quite some time. Mother called over there and was told by Pam that he has been in the hospital in Findlay for a high temperature and other problems (strangely we were not called about this even though we are less than ten miles away). He now has a 24hr catheter in and has been diagnosed with both melanoma (yes, the BAD BAD skin cancer) as well as prostate cancer. She told us that he has six months.

I have been trying to call various people in Florida just to let them know what is going on so they can make whatever decisions they need to. Several are calling and indicating that they will be coming up sometime between now and Christmas. Others are doing the typical 'poor me' crap and hitting the bottle and drugs. One has asked to stay here and been told he can as long as the bottle and pills arent touched, no matter what happens... he has agreed.

Definitely getting stressful.

Posted by Ravennacht at 10:07 AM

October 22, 2006

View to a Reconstruction

Today was a bit better than the last few. The swelling is down much more but still quite a bit to go. The black eye is starting to go down as well, and at least now she can close her eye. She had several days where her eye was itching insanely because she couldn't tear well. Also bad headaches.

I called in to work for her, won't have to go in until Wednesday. Definitely don't need to be up in front of a class for 4 to 6 hours talking the whole time.

Picture attached:

Posted by Ravennacht at 10:35 PM

October 19, 2006

Plastic Surgery

Today was a three hour plastic surgery round robin for the cancer removal repair. Involved were a course of needles up the nose and upon the nose to numb and already open wound (down to the cartilege) followed by an incision from the nostril all the way up the side of the bridge to near the brow (closer to where you a pair of glasses rest) for the repair. Swelling is monstrous. Can't wear glasses. Hard to keep ice on the side of your face like that when she is falling asleep all the time.

Can expect bleeding from the nose... possible necrosis of the skin... have to call the doctor if any bleeding comes through the bandage. She will be sleeping in the chair. I shan't be sleeping.

Posted by Ravennacht at 05:13 PM

October 18, 2006

Cancer Removed

Spent the majority of the day at the hospital for mother's skin cancer removal. They had to cut a good amount of skin out of her nose, near the crease where it meets her cheek, to remove this latest cancer (I think this is the 3 or 4th time now, I can no longer keep track). It reaches from the crease to the nostril and is down to the cartilige. Luckily this one was caught early enough to have not gone too deep, however, it will leave a serious scar.

Scheduled to return tomorrow for the plastic surgery repair. There are some major concerns. She bleeds very badly every time and she is allergic to all of the normal topical cremes that would be normally used to treat these wounds... in fact the stuff end up killing the skin. Hopefully will get a prescription medication that can be used instead.

Posted by Ravennacht at 05:33 PM

October 02, 2006

Pink for October - Cancer Awareness

I have decided to join in the Pink for October campaign for Breast Cancer Awareness. I cannot say that I have had any relative experience with anyone with breast cancer, however, my mother currently suffers from skin cancer, and my grandmother died from lung cancer, as well as some friends suffering from cancer as well, so I am willing to lend my meager support to the cause of any cancer awareness. If you are interested in supporting this cause, check out their site.

And yes, my pink is a bit darker... but I likes it that way!

Posted by Ravennacht at 02:56 PM

May 06, 2006

Dachsund Back Malady Returns

My dachsund (Devo) is ailing again. Could not move his rear legs. Return of the dread spinal degenerative issues... swelling... etc. He has recovered many times from this, it seems to come in waves. Lately, it is taking longer and longer to nurse him back to a degree of recovery, however. He is just getting too old to fight it.

We have to carry him, carefully, in and out, so he can use the facilities and have some time outside. The rest of the time he sleeps and doesn't really want to move too much. Today he was able to get up on his back legs (wobbly) but still cannot straighten his left rear leg out completely (he is walking on the knuckles and dragging it). He gets his baby aspirin, warm water bath, and back medicine a couple times a day.

He has definitely gotten better, I can only hope his swelling goes down more and he recovers more of his movement again. He has in the past, its just a losing battle though.

At times like this I really feel bad for him. I feel responsible for him. Not that he has the disease, as its a genetic thing in some dachsunds... but more to the fact that I neglected to research the breed before I ever went to get him and didn't ask the right questions. I wouldn't trade him for the world, for he has been one of our better dogs... very smart, great personality, friendly, playful. It is just horribly painful to watch any living creature have medical conditions like this. Enticing him to keep eating. Make sure he uses the restroom. Manually exercise his limbs each day. Watch to see that he stays interested in his surroundings, and isnt being vacant.

The poor chap has gone through one back surgery (that was only when he was 3 years old), which nearly killed the poor little guy. Mother has vowed not to do it again, for it was too much for him. We have gotten him thru several flare ups since... he is now 10. I just hope he continues to get better. We have gotten so close to taking him in to the vet to have him put down several times and he has finally made a turn... I really don't want to lose him, but I don't want him to suffer either. Such connundrums are these.

Posted by Ravennacht at 12:39 AM

April 24, 2006

Weight Loss II

I am now down to 174.5 pounds as of this morning, totaling 32.5 lost so far. The non-sugar diet, coupled with my constant running betwixt buildings on the college campus and the Tech school are the definite culprits. According to the Body Mass Index Calculator, I am now in the 'Normal Range' for body mass with an index of 24.3 in my height/weight/age-group. Not too bad and just in time for all the new clothes for Ian's wedding.

Had to clean out my closet of my larger sizes, I was starting to look like a clown with the drooping jeans. You could fit your fist through the gap!

Definitely have more energy and the sugar cravings pretty much subsided after the first-second month. Now I happily munch down on broccoli and vegetable lasagna, chicken and fish.

Posted by Ravennacht at 04:44 PM

January 25, 2006

Weight Lost

For a while, I have been less than happy with the state of my weight. The stress from school, family and other sources had me ballooned up to about 207 lbs, well above where I need to be for my size and body type. Since November I have been strictly watching my diet... scoffing potatoe chips (my usual weakness) and completely eliminating sugar from the equation (other than one pepsi a night).

To date, I have lost 23 pounds and am back down to 184. I have about seven more to go before I am at my prime weight. I couldn't be more pleased. Considering that I rarely eat much anyway, it definitely was the sugar that was doing me in this whole time. I have felt much better, less pain, more rest. AND can fit back into my clothes again!

Posted by Ravennacht at 01:58 PM

August 20, 2005

Prescription Med Boom

I have had my run-ins with family, friends and acquantances that have abused the medical system, travelling from doctor to doctor in order to acquire medical prescriptions to get medications (mainly pain killers) that they don't really need. A means of feeding the habit, the new addiction, dulling the pain, lulling the senses, killing themselves with vicodin, morphine, demerol.

What's worse, if it isn't for them, they sell it on the streets for extra money. Countless times I have fought with a person I used to live with about selling her medications... and every single time she ignored me. I see no difference between this and the common drug peddler on the street... divvying out prescription pain medications to some person who isn't prescribed them by a doctor is no better. Drugs don't just ruin one person's life, they ruin a whole family's and often beyond even that. It's pure evil in my eyes. Profit at the pain and addiction of another.

A goodly portion of the problem revolves about the doctors not knowing that their patients are going to other doctors, and not knowing what they are already being prescribed. I cannot count how many times Dr. A prescribed vicodin... only to have Dr. B be visited with the same/similar complaint and prescribe demerol or oxycotin. What a mess.

Posted by Ravennacht at 12:00 AM

August 18, 2005

Child Trial Medication Program

Today I was watching the Montel Williams show and they were discussing the special "Guinea Pig Kids" in which the New York Incarnation Children's Center and the Agency for Child Services were investigated concerning claims of children in their care being used in experimental drug trials. The special, based off an article by Liam Scheff, The House that Aids Built, is most disturbing to read and watch.

Participation in drug testing by children is conducted with the written consent of their parent/guardian. Many of these children are wards of the state, they have no other guardian with severable interest. Many of these children's guardian's and parent were led to believe that they would be removed from their permenant care if they would not succumb to treatment. Many of the children were removed from parental/guardian care for the custodians failure to give medication to the children.

Children in the system that refused to take medications were forced to endure the surgical placement of gastric tubes to enforce medication.

The State and system is of the mind that these children would not receive treatment otherwise if they were not part of the program. However, I am of the opinion that the system needs to take a deep look at the practices taking place in ICC and by the ACS in getting charges to take medication. I question that they are completely motivated by wanting to help the children, especially when they benefit from providing a captive test market for trial medications.

Posted by Ravennacht at 01:36 PM

July 14, 2005

Injury Punch Card

It is a running joke in our family that my brother has so many bad run-ins health-wise that he carries an Injury Punch Card for the hospital. Not that he is necessarily unhealthy by any standard or means, he's just damn unlucky and clutzy at times. Case in point, starting from birth on:

• Tubes in both ears.
• Contracted botchulism from bad milk and was hospitallized for two weeks.
• Chicken Pox for two weeks.
• Thrown from a skimobile on a bridge, lands on head (had helmet on)
• While riding four wheelers at the babysitter's house, a hornet flies into his helmet and stings him repeatedly about the mouth. Must be taken to the hospital immediately for epinephrine.
• Dog bite to the face from corner of eye (tear duct injury) to lower jaw (dislocation). Requisite surgery for repair (eye was removed and returned) and plastic surgery.
• Fist through porch window, slashing injuries
• Hammer dropped on toe, toenail turns black and falls off.
• Braces
• Injuries from a car wreck with father in the Turismo.
• Mistepped down from a tow-motor and severly sprained his ankle. This injury also tore the ligaments in his foot and calf, leaving a permenant injury which can detach at some point, causing said ligament to go all the way up his calf. (Doy, won't go in for surgery)
• Contracted mumps on one half his body. Down for two weeks.
• Revisit of injury to ankle after landing badly from a block while playing vollyball.
• Back strain, unable to move well for two days.
• Eye injury at Fourth of July party.

Posted by Ravennacht at 04:42 PM

July 10, 2005

A View to an Incision

Here is the site of the removal one day after the second reconstruction. Note that the line used is much heavier. Plus the incision was much greater this time owing to the failure of the first graft. Nasty scar for a small area of cancer removal. Note also the nice amount of swelling. She can't barely open her mouth to talk or eat at the moment. Usually she is covered in layers of mass bandaging.

Posted by Ravennacht at 01:13 AM

July 07, 2005

Skin Graft, Round Two

Must take mother in tomorrow for another skin graft surgery. The one she got following the cancer removal died, so we have to start back at the beginning again. The surgeon suspects that the antibiotic that he prescribed is something that she is allergic to, causing the tissue death. What a headache.

Posted by Ravennacht at 11:39 AM

July 06, 2005

Eye for an Eye

This last weekend, Fourth of July, my brother and his girlfriend had obtained the use of her parents' lake house for a weekend party. He and she had invited many co-workers to come and have fun, I was amongst those supposed to go (which I didn't attend for obvious reasons).

I just got an email today from his girlfriend with a series of pictures and no explainations. I have no idea what happened here... just that its the same side of his face from his dog bite scar. Good Grief.

I sense karma at work.

Posted by Ravennacht at 02:16 PM

May 04, 2005

Witness the Necrotic Appendage

I was instructed to move furniture today. I managed to wedge a nice sized splinter into the face of my right palm (which I am about ready to gnaw off now), and burst a blood vessel in my middle finger at the underside of the knuckle on the right hand as well. Now my hand is black and blue and all funny looking. Maybe it will fall off. I have a shoe box prepared for just such an occassion.

Posted by Ravennacht at 12:19 AM

April 27, 2005

Aqueous Vessel

The last few days have been pretty stressful. I have placed myself upon a strict regiment of water drinking in an attempt to curtail the massive quantities of caffeine that I ingest during the course of a normal day. Between soda and tea, this is a massive amount. The lack of caffeine has resulted in a profound increase in severe headaches and a complete lack of energy, waves of fatigue, and an overall crappy attitude.

I am able to make it from the morning to 5-6pm drinking only water, which is an accomplishment for me. I am told that one is supposed to drink (weight/2=ounces of water) of water. For me, thats about 8 glasses of water, which would make me grow gills, cause I can barely make 5-6 right now.

Anyway, if it drives down the mania, I'm for it. At least for now. God my head hurts.

Posted by Ravennacht at 01:48 AM