GF: Hi, have you heard anything from the boys?
ME: No, why have they called you?
GF: No, haven't heard from them. Listen, is there any way that your mother would reconsider letting the boys stay in the trailer?
(insert large pause and unheard unhinging of the mind)
ME: Listen to me, there is absolutely no chance in hell that those boys are going to be staying in that trailer. You need to stay out of it.
GF: I am not getting into it, I just needed to ask for my own knowing.
ME: Yeah, well by asking something like that, all you are doing is inserting yourself into the midst of a big mess that is best left to its own, sabe?
GF: Well, I can't be expected to just let them dwell the way they are, I am the only parent they have left.
(insert another large gap)
ME: You know, I have had some time to think about that since the last time you said that, and I have a few things I want to point out to you. First, those three boys are not the only children you have... you have seven. Last time I checked, my mother, Rita, John Michael and Tony are your children as well...
GF: Now I didn't mean anything by that, of course I am their father too...
ME: Well, considering that for the last two years you have been more concerned with the discomfort of the the youngest three and disregarded or signed off the oldest four, I think there is something to talk about. You show more concern and respect for their wishes than for those of your children that have gone out of their way to try to do right.
GF: Now, I don't want any misunderstanding... Some of the others have let me down.
ME: What exactly are you implying by that statement?
GF: Well, you know what I mean, the time when your mother and sister put me into the nursing home and Tony came up and took over my finances.
ME: That's a load of bullshit and you know it. You are talking to the wrong person to take careening down that road. I realize that your wishes were not listened to during that period of time but lets lay the facts out clear right now. You absolutely HAD to be in the hospital for a month, you couldnt even walk anymore. You could NOT return to trailer after you were released from the hospital because no one could take care of you when you needed direct assistance, which is why you were placed in the home temporarily...
GF: That's not true, Butch and Pam could have watched over me, just like they were before...
ME: You said that part straight at least... they could have watched you and taken care of you just like they did before you went into the hospital. With you not being fed, developing a serious infection, having diabetic flare-ups... not to mention the money that was stolen from you during that time, NOR the credit cards that were taken out in your f*cking name with those people. Your daughters and son did everything expected of them to keep you alive and extract you from a pair of manipulating grifters after your money. You need to start taking a close look at who your family is and who isn't.
GF: Well...
ME: And furthermore, I have absolutely had it with you holding my mother and the others up to a standard that you do not hold those three f*ckwits to. My mother provided a trailer to her brother so he could have a place to live three years ago. The rules were clear from the start, absolutely no drug usage. Who the hell are you to second guess her intentions or the fact that she has been going through hell dealing with the two of them since she had to throw them out. Do you really think it was so easy? At least she finally took a stand. Did you expect her to allow them to use drugs there, sell drugs... risk her property. Did you know that drug users were coming to the trailer while they were there hunting for Tim. Did you realize how much drug paraphenalia and residue were left there? Is she just supposed to accept that silently? Is she just supposed to let them do it?
GF: They did the same thing to me when they lived with me, I understand completely.
ME: Yet you still asked if she would reconsider. How f*cked up is that. Does it look like they are suffering? Hell two of them had great paying jobs with Tony, but they threw that away... didn't pay their bills, didn't pay their taxes, used all their money on drugs, gambling and alcohol... but its tragic where they are now... it's tragic that they have nothing to their names... thats all crap... THEY CHOSE THIS.
GF: I just don't like to see them in this state.
ME: None of us do... but I am tired of this. This is one of those grandiose family tragedies that we are supposed to keep silent.
GF: Right, the skeleton in the closet we shouldn't talk about it.
ME: And where has that gotten us.
GF: Well...
ME: It has gotten us a cycle of drug us, alcohol, abuse, gambling that has been with some of them into their fifties and has been shown to the grandchildren since. You realize that these three boys are 37 to 46, where is their life, how many chances have they gotten, what could they have been, where are they now.
GF: I understand, I just can't see them uncomfortable.
ME: You want to talk about being uncomfortable, how about this. I am sick and tired of seeing the whims, f*ck-ups of them running rough-shod over any good that does come to the family.
GF: What do you mean?
ME: Only that you and grandmother, while she was still alive, catered to those of them that were always in trouble, destroying themselves, dragging everyone else down AND they never once respected you, nor wanted the help, as you can plainly see since they are STILL where they were way back when.
GF: I can see that.
ME: And yet, do you ever praise those of us that have gone out there and fought these tendencies. What about Ian securing a successful job and doing well, getting married. What about Heather going through school and graduating early with little help from her father. What about Stacey getting married, starting a restaurant, and having a baby in March, what about me graduating from college with another degree, what about your two oldest sons starting another pool business, what about Sara graduating from high school this year, what about your daughter nearing retirement and being stable... any of that sound like a positive to you? Yet not once do I ever hear you focus on any of that, it is always on those three.
GF: (thinks on that)
ME: This is what I have to say to you. No more. No more being quiet about these family problems, no more taking it when they dish out the sob routines, no more noncommunication allowing them play us one against the other for money and other things.
GF: Yes that sounds like a good idea.
ME: Where the hell were they when you needed them? I was there, your older son and daughters were there. You are alive and well now. Yet did they come to you? No. And two of them were not working at the time. How do you accept that. Why the hell are they better than those that did help you. I think you have some deep thinking you have to do.
GF: (mulls that over)
ME: And this isn't out of disrespect. I love my uncles, I love you, but this is the end of this stuff. If I have to drag the rest of the family kicking and screaming to the realization that they don't need to be catered to anymore, then I am going to do it. I do hope you keep this in mind... because in the end, it is you that suffers every time you give in to them. Remember that money you just sent down there.
GF: I don't know what you are talking about.
ME: The money you sent Nick for the car... well considering the fact that he just sold that car for about $4k, AND he didn't come up here like was part of that deal, I don't suppose that makes you feel used one bit.
GF: (mulls on that)
and on and on, I have no doubt I didn't even make a dent.