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July 05, 2005

Skin Cancer on the Mind

Three years straight my mother has had a resurgence of skin cancer. All striking areas of her face. Year one: large miscolored mass on the end of her nose. Year two: discoloration and scaling at upper lip. Year three: raising discoloration on upper chin. She also had a bad part of skin removed from her ear with cryo-freezing (which she says hurts more than the normal cutting), and has an area on her chest which is questionable now.

Each time she has gone through this, I have had a few days where all I can do is wonder if this is just the beginning of a progression that will end in finality. Many people believe skin cancer is not such a large threat.

1. More than a million people will be diagnosed with skin cancer this year.
2. More than half of all new cancers are skin cancers.
3. One in 5 Americans will get skin cancer in the course of a lifetime.
4. One person dies every hour from skin cancer, primarily melanoma.
5. Nationally, there are more new cases of skin cancer each year than the combined incidence of cancers of the breast, prostate, lung, and colon. http://www.skincancer.org/

I cannot tell you how many people have brushed off my concern when I have brought up what is happening. Like it is some minor issue. Since when did any form of cancer become minor. Like having large strips of your skin removed (especially on the face), stretched and stitched back together, is any minor issue.

I have recognized many differences this time. She's beyond afraid now. The eyes gain that haunted, fearful vacancy. I have seen it too much. She has told me that she has thought, herself, that this may continue happening until it becomes too serious. Her own mother died of cancer (lung cancer), she took care of her til the end. She speaks to me in preparation of what can happen. I can only listen and wait.

I see her energy level greatly taxed. I see the tiring. Her grafting this time did not take, again. She must go back to the doctor today for stitch removal, and possibly another graft.

The family support is not great. Rita was here once. All she could do was talk about her own problems and the fact that her daughter (who just turned 18) has moved out and how abandoned she feels. Mom had to cry in front of her, asking her to at least give her one day where she was concerned about something other than herself... that she needed her support... that she doesn't know how many times she can go through this... all the fear issues. What does my aunt do, you may ask? She gets herself into a tizzy and leaves in a huff, hasn't called since.

I won't even get into the issue with my own brother. I still have a metallic, bitter taste in my mouth, and a grating, straining nerve at the temple over that argument.

It's too serious to me. It's not even happening to me. You think you recover, and it comes back. All I can think of is whether this is the precursor, is this the beginning, is this the end. I've been around too many ailing people, I think I see too much. Yes, sometimes you can only cry.

Posted by Ravennacht at July 5, 2005 11:33 AM Posted to Head Trip