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May 24, 2004

Onward..

I've never been one to be scared of much. Calm, cool, collected... usually, despite upcoming or present dangers. I've pretty much seen or experienced it all, well... at least closer than most at my age. My many brushes with death, save by either a few minutes here, a 1/4 inch there. I should be dead many times over, I've witnessed and stared death in the face. Not even death scares me much anymore. I used to think that there wasn't much else that could truly scare me.

I was wrong.

Something does.

I'm terrified.

May 03, 2004

Laxydasial fondness

Figured I needed to post something again, can't leave my adoring fans hanging...

Been a sad week, just minor fuckups that aren't that bad... but a lot of em... beyond that? And this overwhelming pall of doom that sits on my shoulder it really hasn't been that bad. I'm still alive, I think that's the clincher to the good week thing.

I think I've just given up on caring about people, there still are the rare few... but I used to have this care for everyone, even the inane idiots that like to open their mouths. While laughing at them, or deriding them... I used to think on the inside, damn... poor guy. The last snuff of compassion is lost! Or perhaps not, most likely I've just been in a sour mood lately.

Been drinking less too, maybe that's where the snuff went. Kapoof along with the general haze I lived in after I got off work. Touched booze the first time, at home, by myself... in a lil bit, a few days ago... Seems I get this holier than thou aspect when I get drunk, which isn't the way I intend things... I'm far lower on the totem pole than nearly anyone, but gimme some whiskey... and instantly I become some stupid git who trys to hard and has lost all meaning of the word "tact". Much apologies and genuflectuating to the one that suffered the wrath of my inane dribble...