Middle Able.

I was watching The Big Idea with Donny Deutch on CNBC the other week, and I'm seeing trends today I'm amused at. In the Church of the Epical, we talk about building and being one's own Superhero, but now it seems we're trending towards a new sort of "immortality".

Allegedly, the human race now gets a second chance at life. The middle aged are now what I will coin the phrase as "middle ABLE". It appears that the latest generations of the "elders" are refusing to grow old gracefully. They believe that 50 is the new 30. Subsequently 40 is the new 20. This was now substantiated by that nights broadcast. That episode talked about midlife millionaires with book author Marianne Williamson who wrote THE AGE OF MIRACLES: Embracing the New Midlife. They brought in a panel of people that all reformatted their lives and careers by not letting the old ways of thinking get them down or set them back. See the video below.

We live in a new world where those old farts from 35 to 55 can actually start living or rather RE-living life. They consider their 20's as the practise run and that a decade or two later after they've become what they thought society dictated, they find they can now be what they always dreamed of! There was one guy who stopped being a lawyer and at 38 he decided to follow his dream of pushing onward and becoming a cartoonist. Another, a soccer mom, picked up a guitar and became a rocker mom now in a band called the Mydols who I'll be featuring on the Darkhours now that I have received their CD forthcoming in the mail. They basically showcased all these people that decided to go after and achieve their dreams no matter what. Should we thank that 51 year old guy in the Bowflex commercial? Who knows. All I know is that there's an immortality trend going on out there as we as a race become more health and longevity conscious . The push to ban and quit smoking, to design more revolutionary exercise equipment, to eat less fatty foods, to replace sugars that turn to fat...it's all prolonging life. Some Hollywood stars obsess too far, but in this day an age, it's more naturally done than with the plastic surgery and botox. I believe that that's also a new vanity point. To look young naturally without needing enhancements.

If you're like me, and you think you're past a certain age to do something like say....make a hit record, you're not. You no longer have to say "I'm past 25, let me go be a CPA now that I'm too old to make it" cause you're wrong.
The record industry is more of a money making machine that cares about revenue and marketability. Although, some of todays charting artists are younger, some of the current chart toppers are older established names that are accepted by all. Currently the number one album is Janet Jacksons new "Discipline " album. Janet turns 42 in May and she looks like she's 26 in video. It's a remarkable new world where you can be virtually immortal. If a record company likes your sound and you have the look to go with it, then you'll be signed no matter how old you are.

A new TV show on TV Land is called "The Big 4-0" which is about people turning 40 and really not going down without a fight. They do extreme sports, skydive, bungee jump and tons more things one wouldn't expect the stodgy 40 year olds of yester-decade to do. This only further fuels the forty-plus fire. We as a species are pushing for this new Uber-Man that if he cannot live forever, he will live much longer. 2000 years ago, you were married by 12,a major force in the community mid lifeing at 20, an aging man by 30 and dead by 50. So I guess it's only fitting that we can progress like this into the future.

At least I know that when I'm done with the music, selling it's not going to be as hard. It will be judged not on my age, but on it's quality, merit, marketability ,sound and vision. Most importantly , keep the blinders on and do not listen to "nay-sayers". Those are the jealous who see the greatness in you and want to see you fail.

At what point in our lifetime did Erectile Dysfunction become such a large part of todays pop life? No... I don't have it, but I'll tell ya this: If I did have it... I'd still subscribe to the old school way of doing things...keep it quiet dudes. What's next? We'll all start having commercials about masturbation issues and or addictions on TV?

Now it's become far more than possible locker talk, but do we really need a commercial for it nearly every 15 minutes along with the singing and the whistling and the guys who seem to get aroused and pulled from their activities by a mere touch of the back by the opposing sex?? I know it takes allot more than that to get me to get involved in a little "sum'thin' sum'thin".

Maddening.

No seriously.

I fell out of bed.

Literally.

Sober.

I have no idea why.

I've never done this before. I'm upstate at Webkittyns folks house, on a tall, extremely high quality twin mattress...and yet I remember waking up on the floor in a jarring thud. I think I even remember the trip down to said floor. It was one of those "slow motion" type falls like you have when you fall face forward off a bike or something else mildly traumatic.

Bizarre.

I'm not one for mens shoes. They're ugly as they are and I have to wear them because...well because I'm a man thats why. Oddly, mens footwear has taken turns for the worse in general in the last 20 years. There was a greater variety 20 years ago.

Now I never thought I could find a mans shoe that could be so utterly repulsive and ugly. Then I found them. Possibly the greatest example of butt ugly Daffy Duck bill looking shoes ever made.

To see them on a mans feet, one would wonder where their fashion sense went. These square cement block looking, duck bill platypus bill shaped, gorilla width, could cause a tsunami if they ever walked into the ocean, horridly misfortunately (LOOK! I made a word!) designed pair of hideousness ever!

Oh...and by the way....

Diet Pepsi Max. Soda of the gods.

In it's 2 liter bottle form, it can be sold off the shelves for wondrous prices. 4 for a $5 or even 69¢ a bottle at times.

Picture this. I shop in the most frustrating manor. I do it via the "seek and destroy" method. I don't go methodically up and down aisles or write my shopping list down in sections by store departments (ie: frozens, meat, dairy...)

Now I get flustered. I get really thirsty these days. I get to the check out. I'm thirsty as hell. My mouth is beyond dry. The Diet Pepsi Max stands inside the glass end cap, taunting me, so frosty and cold. I pounce upon it, tear off the cap and begin to guzzle it's refreshing carbonated goodness. Then I see it...the cap. The price reads $1.39 stamped upon it.

I could have purchased TWO large bottles of this divine ambrosia... But they would not have been cold and frosty and small and on hand.

Curse you, Mr. Supermarket Merchandiser. No "real men of genius" song for you.

Ever go to the deli counter in the supermarket? Watch the deli person carefully. Things you'll notice:

They have a bag full of meat and cheese scraps.
They leave ends of meat out too long to be sold.
If they cut your slice too thick or thin and you complain, they won't give it to you to eat...they throw it in that bag full of scraps.

Those scraps are a) wasted revenue wasted and b) food wasted which could have gone to a ton of good places like in meals for the homeless, to be used in recipes, to be made into other dishes and donated to other causes.

Remember when your parents told you that you should eat everything on your plate and when you rebelled they told you to think of those starving children in Africa? I think the guys at the deli counter management are trying to live the rebellion still.

America the wasteful.

FUCK YEA!

No I don't have a lisp. I went to the ER 2 weeks ago. It seems my thumb had begun to swell exponentially. I mean, it was cartoonish in size and painfully large and hard to touch.. Talk about sticking out like a sore thumb!

normal thumb

So I finally go to the ER. I figure they'll pop this bloody balloon and I'd have relief. Nuh uh.

I see the ER doctor on a Sunday night after work. He says he'd like me to see his hand specialist Monday, but first they want to x-ray my thumb.

sore thumb

Now for the past 9 months or so, I thought I was developing arthritis in my thumb. Only I thought I was too young for that. Apparently I'm correct. However, every morning for many months, my thumb seemed to be locked in a position. Summarily, I'd wrench it too and fro with violent cracking sounds until it gave and functioned normally albeit painfully.

The x-rays revealed it was a piece of broken off bone. They recommend a splint, and treat it as a sprain.

The hand specialist just happened to appear... In shorts....like he was out golfing. He says:

"It's not infected cause it's not hot."

"Yes it is", I say.

"No it's not." he replies.

"It hurts when I press on it. It feels like it's about to explode and you tell me it's not infected?" I retort. You see, I'm looking for relief here. Lance this fucker! Stick it like a stuffed pig!

So he's useless. The ER Doctor splints me and sends me on my way. I had to ASK for a prescription for antibiotics as a "precautionary measure". Great...10 lousy pills.

A few days after the pills are gone and well into the week I've tried every fashionable idea of a splint wishing this were Star Trek and they'd just wave some regenerative machine over my thumb.

It's still big. It's still throbbing and I'm taking Aleve as the doctor instructed for the pain.

So I'd live the next few days understanding how to live thumbless. It's not easy. Hard to play video games without a thumb. Then one day I'm sitting with scissors and digging around trying to reform a semblance of a fingernail when I hit a portion of the thumbnail and like popping a hot soda can, out comes gushing "non infection" puss. It's pouring out of me. I'm freaking like some cartoon character running back and forth from one side of the screen to another. I've never seen such a disgusting outpouring of puss which later turns to a faucet of blood.

Can I say, the relief of the pressure was so welcome, it made me forget the disgusting pussy discharge. So I've been nursing my thumb back to functionality. It's still not right yet. I need orthoscopic surgery to get the bone fragment out because it's still annoying and it makes my thumb bigger as the bone appears to be sitting in the thumbs actual pad.

So have I grossed you out yet? I'm just happy I can stop attempting to type with the splints on like Frankenthumb. Everytime I'd hit the spacebar, it sounded like someone was hitting the keyboard with a hammer.

Artist Cosimo Cavallaro sculpted a 6 foot naked statue of Jesus and was due to display it at a gallery on E 47th Street in Manhattan starting Monday during Holy Week. This seems to have pissed of allot of religious
radicals.

"It's an all out war on Christianity" fumed Bill Donahue, President of the Catholic League for Religious and Civil Rights. "They wouldn't show a depiction of Martin Luther King Jr.with genitals exposed on Martin Luther King Day and they wouldn't show Muhammed depicted this way during Ramadan. It's always Christians, and the timing is deliberate."

Ok, to me the outcry to ban this and call it tacky or an attack on Christianity is censorship. I mean, he's an artist. This is his conception. In his mind, Jesus was crucified naked. Who is to say he wasn't? I mean, you're being crucified in a time that barely wore clothes anyway save for robes, as a criminal and an enemy of the state. He was an outlaw in most unsaid terms. So should we expect him to be treated with dignity because he wasn't. I mean, he was stabbed in the side, spat on, stoned on top of the nails in his hands and feet and crown of thorns.

But then again, this is all from a book of hear-say, isn't it?

And so what if he was depicted nude? Are they offended that kids might see it? I mean no one has said that this Jesus is sporting a Clark bar for a pecker and usually, if a person is in a lot of pain and hemorrhaging from open wounds, I doubt they would be aroused and erect. So really... How much of this is offensive? The Thinker is nude...does anyone ever care about that? There are loads of nude male and female sculptures, why because it's Jesus, are these people so appalled? Jesus had a penis. Deal with it.

I am an artist. We are taught in art school that the nude is one of the greatest creations and a beauty to behold in prime condition and nothing to be ashamed of when you are learning to draw or replicate the human form. So what's the hype? It's Easter and it's chocolate. Rather than take away from Easter with bunnies, they put their Jesus in your peanut butter. Or you could say you got your peanut butter on their Jesus.

Either way, it's a senseless posturing. Hell, it doesn't even look like Jesus.Grow up people. Let art be art. Art is freedom of expression and creativity. This reminds me of the elephant shit incident. Ok that was disgusting, but this is far less offensive.

..and yet...why do we care? Is it because she's a trailer trash stripper known to be famous simply for being famous?

What was the fascination with this woman? Stripper, centerfold, gold digger, reality TV joke, spokesperson. Without the official autopsy, mere speculation upon the cause of death could be interesting. You might think that one day another urban legend would start about her like the one about Mikey from Life cereal commercials died eating pop rocks and drinking Coca Cola. I believe the great conspiracy will be when we find out that the Trim Spa weight loss was really a result of some sort of weight loss surgery and the whole system was a sham. Although the autopsy will be started this weekend, it would make one wonder if they'd even release the truth. Then again, it's not like she had the fortitude to have these instructions written somewhere because hell, who thinks they would die at 39?

It's a pity she looked her best just before death.

I discussed this briefly filling in for aka Monty on the radio show. It's the whole costume thing. It's when people use Halloween as a reason to dress up as something they're not and possibly insult those they dress as.

I would hate to walk up to some cool looking woman at a club when they're dressed up in a cool outfit like a Dominatrix, rocker chick, a sexy witch or goth...


and then to find out that it's just their one day of make-believe and then they giggle at you because you mistook them for what they dressed as. It's even worse when they laugh in your face as if you're the freak.

I don't know.. I sometimes think it's best to be who you are and leave the dress up for the kids. I don't want to be a party pooper, but as a proponent for imagery, I just can't wrap my head around it. Maybe if it's at a costume contest and not on the actual holiday, perhaps.

Oh...and if you're going to dress as a witch? Don't do a cheesy one with the green make-up and hooked nose and wart. It's just bloody insulting to real witches.

ROCK ON!!

Let me pose to any readers out there, a psychological/ philosophical question.

Let's say you're a smoker. You have two lighters and it will be some time before you can get another one. One is 1/4 full and seems to be dying yet still gives a flame. The other is full with a very strong flame. Would you use the dying one til it dies and save the good one for later or use the good one til it dies and then keep the lesser one for backup?

If you don't smoke, replace the lighteres with batteries for a device you like to use often like say, a camera or MP3 player or cellphone.

There. That's my psychological/ philosophical question for the day.

How many times have you lstened to such songs as "It's the end of the world as we know it" by R.E.M., "We didn't start the fire" by Billy Joel, "Mammals" by the Bloodhound Gang and "One Week" by Barenaked Ladies and tried to boggle the lyrics?

Now ask yourself this: "How many of us have devoted braincells to trying to learn these overly fast paced songs"?

Then subsequently, we fail to ask yourselves: "Why?" Is there some merit badge for learning these songs? Is it a prerequisite to getting into Harvard? Will it land you that dream job with Donald Trump? No...and yet we still attempt these purposely impossible songs. Maybe it stemmed from way back in the day when knowing what the jingled ingredients to the McDonalds Big Mac was the big tongue twister. They implanted it in our minds then and now we seem forced to learn every weird quick tune.

Yes... that's what they say... and yes they are. However, "Collectors Editions" usually conotes the disc package may have some cool shit in it. Y'know..like a book or a comic book or some pictures in a folder..something that lives up to that name.

In every DVD you'd find on average some sort of filler in the left side of the case.I remember they gave you booklets, a mini poster, ads and a chapter card.

Then I noticed the booklets vanish.

Then the ads.

Today.... I opened up a Super Unrated Widescreen Special Collectors Edition Directors Cut . Y'know..the kind you pay extra money for....only to find...

A major fast food chain supplies it's billions of sold customers this cold refreshing ice coffee drink...

Now leave it out for a day, especially after a blackout during a heatwave in 105 degree interior temperatures and THIS is what you get.

I remember last year I blogged about the day of the 5's. It was nothing but a numerical anomolly. In 1977 we had the day of the 7's. 7 is the number of god and heaven. No divine works happened on that day. What are we expecting on this day of the 6's? Will 6-6-6 bring us the antichrist? Mothers in maternity wards are either trying to induce labor early or pray it holds to one day later in trust that they will not give birth to the child of Satan.

I love this world we live in. Manhattan is strewn with 6-6-6 parties. This is the biggest pseudo event since the turn of the millenium. Every occultist and propogandist is building up on some sort of hype as if Hells fury will be released today.

Now, lets say the Antichrist was born on 6-6-6. It would be quite some time before we'd have to worry now, wouldn't we? He'd have to survive whatever school system he gets into...remain sane in todays Jerry Springer family system...stay off anti-depressants...not get AIDS...make it to college...and then we'll see what he becomes.

By the way? What happened to whomever was born on 6-6-66? It's about time for them to destroy the earth, isn't it? I mean, they'll already be entering into a mid-life crisis., and that's certainly the best reason to rain down the fury of Hell now, isn't it? According to Brainy History , only an Italian singer was born on that date. No politicians who would destroy the world, so I guess we're safe.

Or maybe this whole day is just a fun way to release another Omen movie. Or, in retrospect, it may lead to an ...
...all NEW HOLIDAY! (click to view)

The oddest trend today is not the USE of the celphone, but the use of celphone headsets. Initially, it was for driving, as some states required this by law. I, in my geek years, used to wear the large over the head headsets with the flexible boom mics before anyone even thought of this law. This was also back when I thought my used glass t-top `85 300ZX was my starfighter and I was Luke Skywalker.

Now it's years later and well... They're everywhere. But it's not just for driving anymore. It seems people (especially the bluetooth brigade) have taken to wearing headsets everywhere they go. The really cyber freaky ones are the Lt. Uhuru wireless bluetooth earpieces that have the blue light in the side that make you look like a Borg. There's one coming out that practically looks only slightly bigger than a hearing aid. What's next? A brain implant?

So let me get this straight....people in Asia are training flies ... this on top of making sentient robots, they take the time to train flies. Now why aren't we in America doing that? The sentient robot thing. Not the flies.

Is there some sort of magick in the Asian land that we cannot harness? "Ancient Chinese secret, huh?"

So I got another corporate gift the other day... No holiday. Just appreciation from the bosses for some incredibly sick sales gains... In some regions, 629% increases. I don't much care because my life doesn't revolve around that place, but still, it was a wicked cool gesture. Check this puppy out!

A welcome and wonderful gift for any family or office. This cordial assortment of roasted garlic crackers, olives, sesame crackers, smoked salmon, merlot cheddar cheese spread, Godiva creme brulee, dried fruit, Ghirardelli chocolate, cashew roca, mozzarella cheese swirls, pralines, sugar cookies, English tea, Godiva hot cocoa, pecan brittle, cheese knife and matching serving dish fill this embossed burgundy tin. The variety in this basket guarantees there will be something for everyone.

Yummmmm!

I can't believe I ate the whoooooooooole thing!

Imagine a pound of beef in this HUGE triple decker burger. Now add bacon. That's what I did the other day when I was upstate for Webkittyns birthday. This was from a restaurant called "Ruby Tuesday". I figured...for ONE time in my life, I'd try and eat something so gluttonous that my penchant for supporting another of the 7 deadly sins would be fulfilled. It was pretty awesome! Now I know why there's an obesity epidemic in the United States. Look what they FEED people!

Now I've been on some serious dieting kicks lately, but I HAD to eat that. What boggled my mind is, I went to weigh myself which I hadn't done in years and saw that (although I was losing weight) I weighed more than the last time I ever weighed myself!!

This of course is now prompting me to become like ...anorexic or something. Food has DEFINITELY become my new sworn enemy.

I was doing the laundry the other day and that's when I started to wonder about sock demographics so I began writing a moblog about it.

You can't have white socks playing with the black socks, because they eventually end up acting too much like the black socks. Then they'll end up going out and getting some bling and a big heeled sock or even some old fishnet stocking with holes. When they get holes, you always have to stich them up. I just can't stand all those scabby stitches and holes.

When white socks marry purple socks, they end up making little lavender or pink socks and those are the ones you have to always look out for because the pink socks always get beat up by other white socks in back
alleys or they start trying to pick up the black socks in bars. They like the black socks big strong reinforced toes.

Yellow socks are too smart for all this strife. They sit around the sock drawer studying most of the time. Possibly because ...well face it, when do you have the opportunity to wear a yellow sock?

Blue socks have issues of their own. Baby blue socks are too naive for the world as we know it.
Navy blue socks are too busy trying to act like black socks.Royal blue socks are only that way because they are horndogs and never get any any release. They usually end up in cheap bars swigging bottles
of bleach trying to forget their problems.

Red socks play baseball.Dark red socks are usually found smoking tax free cigarettes and
overcharging the white socks in casinos. Usually they get their very own drawer separately reserved from the rest of the socks.

Green socks and Argyle socks often like to tie one on together. But if they get too far imbibed, one ends up pregnant. Usually they end up with some strange looking long sock with multicolored separated toes.

I think the dryer is done now. I need to go home and get away from laundry.

Men...we get hairy? We shave. Shavers cut and burn? We make a BETTER razor.

So when they made a razor that had 3 blades, I bought it. LIke the man who desires to build a better mouse trap, they come out with one with 4. So I buy that one. Upon buying said razor with 4 blades, they come out with one that has only 3 blades..but it VIBRATES. I buy this wonderous tri-blade that vibrates like a lightsaber for the face and what do they do? Play a commercial on SuperBowl Sunday...and they come out with FIVE blades that vibrates....AAAARGH!!!

In 20 years, I suspect we'll either have lazer razors or the 50 blade razor that looks like a cheese grater for the face.

This is just a pointless sad statement of capitalistic affairs. A side thought...something I thought I'd share.

I bet none of you knew that I participate in a weekly internet radio show. It's somewhat of a mild hobby, but for the ever popular Webkittyn, it's her obsession. You can hear me Wednesday nights on Mango Radio on the Webkittyn Wednesday show starting 9:30 p.m. EST. I'm sort of her, "Bababooey". I'm there to crack jokes and make silly sound effects and impressions. I'm not really there as myself in all my mystical musical glory. However on occasion you may hear a song of mine played.

WKW started as an all 80's music pre-recorded show and now has branched into a live interactive show with games, talk, music from all eras and fun stuff like "Out my window Weather" and "Flush the Webkittyn taken from Sean Hannity's "Flush the Lines" where "callers" have 20 seconds to say whatever they want.

Don't expect your usual DarkLord there. I'm there admittedly as the buffoonish side-kick. It's all in fun... See I DO have a sense of humour! Webkittyn Wednesdays can be found by clicking mangoradio and then clicking the big yellow audio button to play. It may ask you to chose a player to open with like winamp or realplayer... Just browse for your player and open it. See you on mangoradio!

Taking a break from music and metaphysics, I found this in a book given to me for xmas by Webkittyns Parents. . These shoes were from fashion designer Vivienne Westwood. Forgive the grain on this original picture...this was the only online pic I could find of this one of a kind pair of shoes and I blew up the image size parameters.

Godiva creme brulee dessert chocolate, chocolate covered nuts, Wine Country cracked pepper and sesame crackers, salami, stone ground mustard, Portlock smoked salmon, mozzarella cheese swirls, Ahmad English tea, butter cookies, camembert cheese spread, serving dish, a cheese knife and more are carefully packed in this metal tray.

This showed up on my doorstep today from my day job. The company got too big for the annual corporate holiday party... I think this will suffice... plus I don't have to dress up in my usual anti-corporate outlandish closet rocker gear to go. I'd say it's a pretty classy thing to send.

There's an old new wave band that's pretty legendary I have loved for possibly 20 years... I often dreamed of singing with them. Y'know... everyone has a band they always wanted to hang out with.

I recently turned down tickets to see them due to work constraints, plus I'm to be in the studio this coming weekend. Now although I have to work the day of the show, I COULD call out, but there's bills to pay and christmas is right around the corner. So I declined. I've been to so many of their concerts over the years, I figure I could always go to see them when they tour again.

I have to rehearse for the studio. There's much work to do... So I got over it. There'll be other tours...I'm not missing anything. But now I find I'm kicking myself in my modern maturity ass and only for ONE reason. The tickets weren't just tickets...

I've been sick. Got a NASTY flu. Went to work when I shouldn't have. That made it worse. I've been lax in blogging and just about everything else. Took some extra days off. Went to the ER.

Then I realized that when you don't have insurance (which I luckily do) you get reamed royally on meds. $67 for 6 azithromyacin pills is crazy. I met a guy who said he found a cure for AIDS and Cancer and other diseases by using concentrated localized microwaves because the damaging alien bodies could be destroyed with a concentrated beam at about 107 degrees and not damage the other good cells. He told me he had a meeting with African or Brazillian officials or something. They were considering his work and his project, but he had to wait til AFTER a meeting with some big pharmaceutical companies before they could see their direction.

After meeting with the big wig drug companies and all their money and power....they turned him down.

Go figure....money talks. His research would have been too damaging to the drug industry. Anyone who wants a news scoop...email me. I'll give you his particulars.

Joe Pesci said it in Lethal Weapon: "They FUCK YOU at the drive-thru!!" Well for once I think I may have gotten some justice.

11:00pm: I went to the McDonalds drive thru window. She begins to take the order. The order pretty much mostly has everything for the other people involved.... Until it's time to get to me. I order 2 fajitas and a grilled chicken club sandwich. From there it starts.

"What kind of sandwich? Crispy of Grilled?"

"Grilled"

"OK. And what else?"

"How about a California Cobb salad?"

"Grilled or Crispy?"

"Grilled."

"Ok...oh wait. We don't have anymore grilled chicken, only
crispy."

"Ok... But you just HAD grilled for the sandwich!"

"Yes that was the last one."

"Make more."

"We're not doing that sir."

"So you don't have any salads?"

"We have crispy only. "

"OK..forget the salad ."

"We're onto the late night menu."

"What's that?"

"Numbers 1 through 11."

"I'll take a fish sandwich from number 10"

"We don't have anymore."

"You don't have FISH?!?! You just told me to order from the
menu!"

"Well we're out of that."

**The Garbage Truck came. It made a LOT of noise **

"Awwww HELL!! WHERE'S the hidden camera?!?!?! Well... WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU HAVE?!? Read back the order, the little screen timed out! I can't read my order. Will you put it back up in the screen?"

"A number 2 plain with Sprite, a Crispy chicken club sandwich only, and GRILLED chicken sandwich only, 2 cheeseburgers and a California Cobb salad."

"NO NO! I said 'forget the salad' unless you have grilled. Do you have grilled?"

"No sir, we only have crispy."

"Then why the fuck would you put that in when I asked you not to?"

"Drive to the next window please."

I drive to the next window... And there's a sign that says "Next Window Please" handwritten. I must have frazzled the kid. So I kept driving. I went to the next window. They happily gave me my drink...and the food...and I was about to balk about the salad I took off of the order... Then I noticed one missing element...

So....I bought this shrimp ring at the supermarket. I looked at a few before I bought it. I noticed some looked as if they were short like 4 or 5 shrimp. I wondered if someone broke into it and took a few.

Then I made sure mine looked full of yummy nummy shrimp.

I took it home. Put it in the fridge and when I went to look at it before bed figuring I'll take the small ring to work, it looked like it was down a shrimp.

NOW I look at it, still sealed and it appears to be down about 5 shrimp.

Do shrimp have a starship that beams them up in a rescue party?

Why do people, who know they are calling a cel phones Voicemail, insist on yelling "HELLO...are you there?? PICK UP!!" into it?

You think that one over.