I'm posting this both on my real life blog and the forum boards because I was just so enamoured by this one.
It took place in a HUGE hall, almost arena sized and church like. It was full of the most beautiful wood trim of a glossy dark Oak color, but not as dark as mahogony. Everywhere you looked, even in the balcony there was wood pillars and very pew like, with red velvet cushions. Almost 15 stories of balcony levels. The walls were wooden with red velvet trim. The main area had two entrance ways, yet to the right, when looking down, was seemingly the main entrance.
Processions of people would walk in like clans or factions. Each person was in some sort of outlandish beautiful garb, almost like futuristic uniforms, or variations on current uniforms. The uniforms all had a gothic or dark creative flair. The women were in the most beautiful of gowns similar to the types Naboo Queens like Amadala wore in the Star Wars Episodes I and II. Very flowing with high collars and in different colors of blues, deep reds ,blacks and whites. The women wore the most pale and prestine make-up. Seemingly the idea was to wear some sort of uniform or formal dress quite against the norm. There was drinking at bars along the sides of the levels that were connected through long elaborate wooden stairways. Every inch of this place was covered in a deep pile dark red carpet. In this dream it was my first time there. Somehow I was told to wear something somewhat uniformish I think. I can barely remember what I was wearing. I ran into some old friends who reminded me of an old group I was a member of (and at one time the leader) called the Karizan Empire, and suggested that maybe the next time we come, we whould show up in full dress uniform... I sort of shot that idea down. I've moved on from that. The D'Sari is all that'son my mind now.
Each new group that entered had a sound system or maybe an orchestra playing an orchestral theme song of each specific clan. I swear I heard Darth Vaders theme for one clan. Very odd. Such pomp and circumstance, I shall probably never understand. Maybe it's a future D'Sarian rally, who the hell knows. Dreams are odd that way?
Have YOU had any odd dreams recently? At least I didn't tell you about the alien dreams I have (No...no anal probes). There's usually alot of death and destruction in those and they creep me out. Running from the giant androids annoys me too. I think I need help. Or maybe i should just produce sci-fi movies. Imagine what my music videos will look like?
Previously, I stated that "pain was your friend", and although I mean that rather whole-heartedly, I was in no means condoning self mutilation. I'm speaking of people sometimes referred to as "cutters" .Those who take actions upon themselves in what psychologists call a "cry for help" by cutting themselves or taking sharp implements to their own flesh. Pain, be it mental or physical, should not mar or permanently scar the flesh.
The body, although it is naught more than a vessel to house the mind and spirit, should be kept free of disfigurement.
Think of it as a starship with your brain as the bridge. It houses an arsenal of photon torpedoes for which you may defend yourself (fists to punch, legs to kick). It has a sensor array called a nervous system and senses. They should be kept in prime condition to be aware of the world around you.You cannot master a world you are not aware of. The long range sensors would be your heightened inner senses or psionic abilities. The mind is your warp core. Increase power and you may (with the proper training) fire off phasers in the form of paranormal or mystical energy.
The ship may be painted and modified, yet it should be asthetically attractive. Scars are not. The key to controlling a situation and bending someone to your will is in breaking down their shields. We erect shields in many ways and one of them is emotionally. When you close yourself off emotionally, you are raising your shields and no one can get to you. Now how you would get them to lower their own screens is done by imagery and misdirection. You have to get their mind off of the defenses. Enhance what skills you have and you can open their mind. If you are a person who is very attractive, then disable their defenses with your sexuality. If you come off as kind, then kill them with your kindness to make them feel at ease. If you are an odd person or have an odd look, accentuate your style to make them wonder about you. Wonder often opens the mind best. Mix and match what ideals work best for you and you can open someone's mind to your charms more.
If you showed them that you don't care for yourself, how can they care for you?
In the world we're stuck in, simply being alive and breathing is something to be proud of, so be proud of yourself for doing so. Then build from there. You can't imagine what you can do with a foundation like that if you only believed you could create it from just that thought.
Recently, I was contacted by an old friend who has been reading these blogs. They have known me for ages but I surmise that they never really knew me.
I say that because they mentioned how they always knew I was a dark soul, but never understood how complex it was. I must admit, during my early years I suppose I was in early developement and after that I suppose I was playing the role more than truly living it. Yet those were the years I was at my strongest, metaphysically. So there's a paradox right there. In one instance I was a powerful dark disturbed lad who had dabbled in magics that I shouldn't have, and in the end, initially regretted them. I spent many years trying to ignore the outcome of the forces I unleashed. As time marched on, I began to accept what I had done. Then the darkness began to enshroud me. I kept it to myself, selfishly, not realizing that there was power in darkness. The darker I became, the better I felt. Yet always, I chose to dance alone. The more I thought about it, the reality of light had let me down.
I went to Catholic school as a lad. In the early grades, I even was the type who actually believed the "son of god" walked with us. So much so, I even tried to scrunch into my seat so that this invisible "holy son" could sit next to me in my seat. Yet time and time again, prayers went unanswered. I was not a "good son". I often got in trouble, and was often punished accordingly. The joke that my mother was my first dominatrix (however disturbing that thought was) often surfaced. No threshold of pain could correct my heinous ways. I began to enjoy it over time. Pain is your friend. It reminds you you are a live and sentient.
So anyway...this friend asked me why I never tried to turn them to the darkside. In retrospect, I remember that I tried half heartedly. I was too self centered to think about spreading my psionic wealth in the gifts wrought in darkness. When I taught metaphysics, I taught it as a science and not a religion. The gifts granted the mind were to be harnessed, yes... But your path was ultimately your choice. That was my philosophy then. Today, those who seek my teachings must travel my path, learn the ways of the D'Sari or do not bother with me, for those gifts are too great to be wasted. Back then there had been no strength of will to try to spread only half developed beliefs. Now I feel I have come to terms with myself and the path I have chosen.
Now another thing I have realized. I, in the small scale, have touched alot of lives. If one were to think about it temporally, those who knew me personally, would have seen a completely different life had they not known me. As it would seem, it was for the better. Would they have know or experienced the same things had I not been in their lives? Doubtful. I speculate my friends life may have been very different had I pressed on in my beliefs. Perhaps they may have become more assertive and had greater inner strengths to make better or rather, more advantagous choices for themselves. They would have seen that in the grand scheme of endarkenment, the humanistic issue is the core of the darkside.
Darkness is not crime or murder. It is not sacrificing virgins. It is not about criminal acts or thuggery. It is about living for yourself, without selfishness. It is the dismissal of the beliefs that you must follow some undefined holy path in order to be happy. It isn't crashing planes into buildings. In turn it isn't about fucking over your good friends. It's about cause and affect. It's not about turning the other cheek. It's about enjoying life. It's the Atkins diet of life. Eat all the yummy, allegedly "dangerous" foods and lose weight!
We place too much value on fearing some allegedly benevolent "supreme being". If the light preaches the love of its god, why are they "god fearing"?
Do you often fear what you love? Should you be forced to live in fear of what you love? One never loves an abusive, sexually molesting father. You usually tend to hate them. If a religion forces you to love and fear at the same time, then that's just twisted and illogical.
Were as a species are logical animals. The only thing that sets us apart is our ability to reason over our primal instincts. Yet in the same instance, we ignore all that makes us happy. Strange as it sounds, one should embrace their fears and emotions. If you hide from the world of darkness, then you have the best rose coloured glasses on the market. To embrace your fears and tragedies is to help deal with them.
Think about this on a physical level... Get a horrible headache. If you apply pressure on the temples, it begins to sway the pain. You have faced your pain. If you hurt yourself, introducing another pain like a pinch in another area may make you forget the prior injury. That's the redirection approach. Another way to look at it is this; After enduring a pain, knowing what it is and conquering it, aren't you much happier when it has subsided?
I suspect, this is why we, after living through a horrible break-up, continue to torture ourselves listening to the old love songs of that relationship. In part, we are trying to relive the memories, and in some sick form of self mental mutliation, we enjoy dwelling in the pain of an empty heart. But...after time passes... We survive, lick our wounds and chalk it up to experience, and proceed to either forget or celebrate the memory fondly.
We, as humans are resilient. We adapt. And also we, no matter what certain religions say, are allowed to exact revenge. It's in our competitive nature. Only the weak lay down and let themselves be run roughshod over. The D'Sari are not weak. We strive for personal greatness and glory. No one has to sit back and take what life dishes them, unless they are meek.
Speaking of meek..."the meek shall inherit the earth"? Doubtful. "only the strong survive" is a better motto. The prior was created as a justification for weakness.
My my my... I thought this was going to be short. It seems I've rambled on a bit. But that's the fun of blogging. You clear your head when you write it down.
Personally, I thought I would be "The One" (Neo) , But I can accept this.
Remember in a prior blog called Captains Blog Suplemental on D'Sari Date 09.30.03? It talked about the "mockumentary". Then Merlin from the Spectre crew posted a comment about how it looked and sounded better than I thought (mind you, I haven't seen any of the raw footage that he had, let alone the preliminary edits) and that it actually is a growing role in the film. I spoke to Weapon (Brian Smith, the star and focus of this film) and he told me that the segment has grown larger than I thought. As it would seem, parts are being spliced between the two of us where we have similar opinions on music.
Now, here's the fun part. I have to go get out my 8mm and take 20 second micro movies or stills to use as segués. The fun will be me as a mini director finding spooky locations to film myself in my various stages of stage gear and make-up (maybe). Can anyone recommend a good castle or cemetary I can try for a location? We DO have a comments button at the bottom of each blog posted, y'know.
This time,with me filming these parts, I get to do the angles I wanted to see and wear some of the gear I had purchased online, yet never made it to the house in time for the first shoot. It seems the first interview was stodgy , shot wise, because it was all in the same seated position. It seems this will give it a more epic movie/music video style. I suppose one cannot judge a project on speculation. The sum of the parts as a whole is what's to be determined.
I have a few ideas of locations. I don't live very far from Sleepy Hollow (yes THAT Sleepy Hollow). And a few castles within a 20 mile radius...
The poster looks cool in it's latest rendition. Maybe I'll upload it as a link so you guys can play "Guess which one is Darkstar!"
The day after Samhain...
The world is a different place to me today. Not in a loooong time had I practiced the mystic arts in even any remote sense of it's ritual word. This time the gloves were off. Rather than spend time with the amateurs of all Hallows, I chose to stay inside and do the work for what the holiday was meant for. That spooky feeling you got on Halloween? That was us. The endarkened. The movers...The communicators... The conduits of the underworld. For everyone needs to make a sacrifice.
One thing I always hated about halloween... Is that even though it's a creepy chilling night that brings me giddy glee, it's really full of posers. Those people who dress in costumes as what they are not... They annoy me. Like the woman who thinks that dressing like a witch is to dress gothic. Meanwhile they laugh at you because you ARE gothic or Metal or mystically inclined. And when asked to know what bands she likes, she tells you "Britney Spears is my idol! Oh my costume?...hee hee hee... I just wanted to dress funky like a witch for Halloween. Hee hee hee!"
MAN! That makes me twitch." What are you?" You ask. "Oh....heh... I'm like this dark sorcerer dude... Heh... I thought it would be fun!"
Ok...Dressing like Yoda or Neo and stuff like that...characters from film? Fine. But when you start making costumes that reflect other peoples real life? Mildly annoying. Now the obvious are acceptable. The green faced, wart nosed witch...Ok, so they watched the Wizard of OZ one too many times. I can understand that. But dressing like a vague attempt at Morticia and not even pulling it off correctly, irks me. I'm sure those of you reading that are endarkened understand as well.
Enough about that. The morining after and beyond, I felt surges in my psyche I thought long dormant. Mind and spirit are forming into a weapon and a tool. Body is following. All will culminate to a glorious machine.
Yet, while I ses the world through newly endarkened eyes... I can only fathom whats next! Like a new found friend...I wander of into the future a new man...prepared to finish what he started as the millenial prophet.