Ok... I've just learned how to kick this place up a notch. I figured out how to put in pictures!! (the secret is to have a space to host the images . So I enlisted the services of www.BoRComimagespace.com) I think that's hella cool!
It's getting closer to that time of reckoning with the dark forces. I need to pick up a few things to fully utilize the power of the ritual. I have never felt more alive than I do lately. Not since I first fell off the path to endarkenment have I felt such surges in power within me. Growing stronger in belief day by day (as aging removes belief and replaces it with programmed reason), I feel that the time is nigh. A few short days and I will do things mystically I have never done before. The reward will most certainly be the fusion of man and prophet. I will go ahead with the emergence of the NEXUS. All alternate timelines will align and come to a crossroads. The future ...OUR future will begin to take shape that day for both all of you and myself. So mote it be. Make it so!
I'm done being passive. This is not the way of the D'Sari.Too long have I been sitting back either a) waiting for shit to happen or b) feeling that I may be too modest. My affirmations have all been off the mark. I AM the Chosen One. I AM the Prohet. I am a General in an army of darkness. I've been given gifts far beyond mortal man that I neglect... and for what? Fear? Fear is for the weak. The spoils of war are mine to take and that is exacty what this is; a battle between good an evil.
Halloween? Screw the whining, screw partying! I have forces to command , powers to invoke and Dark Lords to ask forgivness and the granting of my full infernal prowess.
Parties are for those with no direction who seek solace from their daily hum-drum lives. I need to make sacrifices (not ritualistic,so don't get nervous). I need to think like a D'Sari Knight. I need to embrace the Darkness like I never did before. I need to remember those little things I USED to do that were parts of the grand puzzle that is my very core of my powers. I need to stop thinking of what others will think save for what I deem it fit to show them. I need to stop thinking that I need to please everyone for in war there is an enemy, thus not all can be pleased. I need to stop second guessing things out of fear and weakness. I need to regain my strength against those who seek to usurp my authority as an agent of darkness and others who would seek have me fail in hopes to take my place.
I seem to have alot of needs. But to be successful and stop those who would seek to stop me, I must come to arms. I need to commit my life to the execution of my life's mission. Those who seek to battle me must prepare for a rude awakening. I must forge on until I can do no better, and cry "Havok! And let slip the dogs of war!"
This is my affirmation to the world. Some see me as a nobody, and to them I say "Beware, for you know not what you are dealing with. Prepare ye the way of the Darkstar!"
Others see what I am to be. They see the potential. They hope I may reach what destiny has wrought for me. I am late. The timeline changes every minute I delay. The forces that oppose me grow stronger as I lay dormant.
This is not a game. This is not roleplay. This is not a fantasy. This is what I am here to do. I WILL lead the masses to a greater endarkenment. I will no longer say "why can I not be like that other guy..." for I AM that "other guy". I'm the one they will remember as that legendary force of darkness that led millions to my musical call.
I will not go into the night silent and weeping. I will fight for what I believe is my cause. I will promise this world a saviour/prophet that will save their minds from the prattle they are forced to swallow like cattle. I will make those who scorned me and mocked me pay as I have in the past. I will prove wrong ALL who have doubted me. I WILL begin to toot the horn that is mine by right to toot! If you don't like it, STEP ASIDE!
These are the affirmations of a leader and a prohphet! Heed them and make way!
I promise to you all a way of life, of belief, of endarkenment. I promise you solace. I promise to take your blood and your tears into my goblet and drink them for you, so as to ease your soul. All I ask is that you believe in me as others do. One by one, you will fortify the army of darkness. Together we can rule this new millenium!
I wrote the following on the Dark Forums, anonymously once, some time ago during the time of the Iraqi war... Now that I think about it, my modesty made me hide my true self, for then I believed that no one would fathom me, my power or my mission. I cast off ill-opinion of me, for no prophet or messiah has not undergone scrutiny or ridicule. I read it now and believe more than ever that I am the Nexus. Join me into greatness!
Look at the world as it is. Then magnify the area. Look at the your local personal world. Have you notice anything abnormally crappy in it lately? Is your life seeming to take a turn for the worse and so are your friends and family? If not, then you are one of the lucky ones. I see some of you are writing things that speak in similar tongue. How bad things are happening to you? How they are happening to everyone around you?
The war was a waste of time. Have YOU seen any WOMD's?Neither did Bush and his hordes or stormtroopers.
States are declaring Marshall Law on smokers, replacing Jim Crow laws with Joe Camel laws.
And yet...closer to home... Friends and families are going through odd hardships. Things they can't explain.
What's happening to this world? Is Ragnarok approaching? Is there anyone out there that's to save us all?
And which side will they be from?
Here's a random thought. Can one be so presumtuous to believe that one person can make a difference? To expand on that...what if one person actually CAN?!?! In fact, what if there was one person who's actions or lack of action was inadvertently responsible for impacting almost everyone around them...or worse the country or even the PLANET!??! Can such a person and their actions be such a nexus for all things good or bad? Could we ALL be being punished for said Nexus' actions or FAILURE to act?
Who could be so lucky or unlucky to have such a task thrown upon them in almost a Messiah fashion? The second coming of Christ was what some had once hoped for. Others hoped for the coming of Michael the Archangel... Some sacrifice nightly to Belial in hopes he will grant them favour.
In the end...something or someone may come. Maybe one of the great generals of the forces that be and not actually that force in itself... But something's coming and it will either make us or break us. Someone will enter ALL our lives on a grand scale... Like Caesar...like Ghandi....like the American forefathers...like Hitler... Something either so grand or disasterous we won't understand it. It may help, it may hinder, but it must come. I surely hope it wasn't meant to be Eminem.
The struggle for good and evil is bigger than before... Yet I still can't tell who's winning. My bet's leaning on evil in the 8th round, TKO. What side will YOU be on? The 50's are gone. The cold war ended.... Family values have evaporated.
Have you realized that we are nearly exactly like every post-apocolyptic sci-fi movie that was ever made? Does that mean we evolved to this point or did we simply follow a scripted pattern and fill the mold? Any movie about the future seemed to always have the 21st century painted as a dark modern Soddom and Gomorah. Where leather clad people do naughty things to each other and commit crimes freely and have sex hedonisticly.
I'm going to go now. Ponder with me this last thought.: If there is a Nexus... I hope he's reading this. If YOU are that Nexus unknowingly or not, stop thinking humbly and step up to the plate and do your job! And if I am that Nexus...we're all fucked.
Well...maybe we're not fucked if I follow the proper path. I will not make a world for my children that I will hate, knowing that I was the one that could have made it better. Am I the NEXUS? I believe so. Even if you don't. You WILL. Mark my words!
Ok... The hallowed night aproacheth. Yet I'm having a lapse in maturity. You see... A dedicated prophet to his cause would be the type to sequester himself within his own sanctum sanctorum on Halloween night and feel the air of the undead walking and chant to the powers that grant favour to the endarkened. Now the inner child who is spoiled and has wanted to have the keys to the kingdom handed to him because he feels it's his right, simply wants to go out and party. There's always something mystically joyful about going out on Halloween. Especially on a warmer night.
About 4 years ago or so, it was a warm balmy night in New York suburbia which is uncommon at times come the 31rst. That was a night that I drove up and down a legendary lost road that was rumoured to have some sort of killer albino Satanists that lived there that would chase you off the road if you traveled more than twice up and down and only if the statue of the Virgin Mary had it's lights off... Or something like that. Anyway, this one Halloween, I drove up and down it like 8 times, blaring the theme from Halloween and Ave Satani out of my open t-topped 300zx. I think the scariest thing was that these people, because of the warm weather had decided to have a barbecue that night and would sit in waiting with freakish pranks to pull on passers by. For me to drive with my tops off was asinine to begin with, but I was thrill seeking. As we passed the first time, (mind you, you're already creeped out by this horrific road and its legend) they did several things, like wait in silence and darkness when they heard a car approaching on this quiet street and throw firecrackers at the cars or shine a huge spotlight on them. One time they even made as if they were coming after you to attack wearing scary masks or animating a scarecrow. You were sure to pee your pants them.
Y'know.... Come to think of it. I think I want to get a house there. Only they say the roads not on any maps. Hmmmmmm.
There were many Halloweens, when I just felt like driving in the night air with the tops off, blaring of course... The Halloween theme (John Carpenter). Sue me, I'm whacked.
Any way, that was a BIG digression. So I asked a few witches what they were doing. One tells me that she'll be doing her rituals before she goes out and then again when she gets home afterwards to feed off the energy still in the air at 4am... That's HER way of doing things. It's like you can't fit it all in one night. And Saturday night is the 1rst and it's November and that feels like a whole new month and like it's Thanksgiving already.
But still, to properly serve the dark masters, a full night of ritual, prayer and respect is what's needed... Maybe even a little bloodshed. I mean, considering what I'm asking, it's no small favour. I would ask for guidance. I would ask for success. I would ask for support . I would ask for the Grand Reward. I would ask to be allowed to share of myself and my word and music without restriction. I suppose they'll want alot in return. So if I were to look at the bigger picture... I suppose I'm to believe that there will be bigger and better Halloweens for me in the future. To say such is an affirmation of the power my future holds. That I will succeed in the musical venture. That I will gain a following...the type of following that will celebrate WITH me. The type that can share in the power collectively as a brood. Eventually, I think the best bandmates should be broodmates. A band made of fans who understand me best... That's the dream band. Like John the Baptist, I will rally us all together. As to what I'm preparing us for is another story entirely. But I'm sure you'll all have a pisser!
So I guess (and this is why blogging is good because it helps you work things out on paper), I shall stay home and make the cat float around the house.
Ok... I have this customer (by the way, during the day I'm in sales) , who has been in and out over several weeks trying to buy a few items. As they are high end long term items, sometimes people feel they can't buy them as fast as I'd like.
Anyway...due to my Karmaic (is that a word?) hospitality, the wife has dropped off things like home made delicious carrot cake (forgive me diet, for I have sinned) and eventually the large purchases were made.
Now, these are people off the street as customers who now consider me a friend of the family. They know I have a project. Great! But even better is that they have a very prominent Entartainment Lawyer who is a good friend of theirs they say I should talk to. They put in a good word for me, so I hope I don't get screwed. Now the question comes: Do I call him now and establish contact with only ONE song in the can and another started? Or do I wait until I have a few more?
This is how I've made my contacts over the years. Through business. I got my attorney for my lawsuit against Allstate Insurance that way.
Anyway...I think I should strike while the iron is hot. Maybe get at least a consultation while my name is in his mind. Even with one song, it shows I'm working on SOMETHING, as I tell him there's more coming.
I don't know... Y'know, feel free to lend an idea or two here... I don't bite...without my fangs at least. Heh.
So the Muse asks me the other day...when at work, what is done to advance the cause? Have I done at least ONE D'Sarian thing today. Once in awhile my other friends ask that too. I sit and ponder why they are asking...I mean... How simple do you think these things are? If it was so easy, EVERYONE would be doing it.
Then I think, hmmmm...I suppose thats the best way to attack the problem. On a day to day basis. It's one thing to have plans, but, what good are plans like "what my concert tour show will be like", when I don't even have a contract? Hell I don't even have more than the ONE song!
Well, I'm changing that. Yesterday I spent some time at my keyboardists house. We have begun the planning for "Killer Tune". Killer Tune is the story of a serial killer who constantly eludes police. It's designed to be creepy and disturbing. My keyboardist on this project is Lara Sky. Lara Sky, who worked with me producing "Darkside", is like the complete opposite to me. Her whole philosophy is mostly on the lighter side. She is the yang of my yin. In some ways that works. She can grasp what I'm doing, even though she may not like the subject matter. I write dark hienous things that no one else wants to write or sing about. SHE however, envisions her stage persona as some sort of futuristic godforce for good, like some silver coloured anime character. Throw in a few belly dancers and Buddhist icons and dancers and that's her show. Sounds cool. She has the same philosophy about touring that I do: For your $25 up to $85 concert ticket they charge these days, you should get to see a SHOW! Show us something! Don't just sit on your ass and sing blankly into a microphone. I mean, I've seen some BAAAAAD shows in the past. I would watch them and swear I'd NEVER have a lame-ass show like that.
Anyway...I digressed. Her comment on "Killer Tune" was that it was more of a project than just a song . I don't think I've ever written anything as elaborate as this. She asked me if I keep all these things in my head. Without knowing me, I suppose you wouldn't understand how boggling it is. I don't write sheet music. Neither do I read music save from the failed ancient guitar lessons I took 6th grade. Oh did I tell you that I don't play any instruments? Well ...let's put it this way.... I stare at my keyboard and hunt and peck the notes in my head. Then I practice that. Repeatedly. But the oddity is the orchestra that plays these scores in my head. So peculiar it is. I don't hear voices in my head...I hear music. I hear choirs, I hear strings, I hear orchestras and kick ass guitars.
Ny brother brought by an article on how unsigned underdogs can get help breaking into the music business. It listed 3 websites that discussed selling the songs as singles to TV/Commercial/Motion Picture soundtracks. I think I may just stop by the sites and take a look. www.LukeHits.com ,www.tonos.com and www.digicirc.com are the targetted sites. I'll check them out to see what the deal is.
So what did I do for the project today? During my down time at my job, I reflected on yesterdays work. I am currently rewriting the intro and outro which is a spoken dialogue script because all my songs tell stories. THAT'S what I did for the project today.
So this isn't one of those fun entries... It's just an entry. My Daily Dark Thought.
Dark Musings in Shoctober.
First, Happy Shoctober to you all. Now is the season of the witch. My favourite time of year. The air dries and cripsins a bit and fills with an spooky mystical flux. The energy begins to flow and raise the hair on your arms.
Every great artist has a muse. Yet no one can understand the relationship with mine. I've known her over half my life and there's an odd bond between us. Somewhere in her psyche is the ability to channel the words of the ancient dark forces that are waiting for my coming of age so as I may take my place as the herald of the endarkened. With her help, I tweaked "Darkside" to within 98% of its potential without professional help or funding. The muse is like an oracle that guides me somewhat in this journey. Over the years she's helped me scrub out all the wretched songs I've written. I thank her for that. It was her suggestion that I suspend production on "Consecrate" and "Godless" (which are easier songs) and move on to a more intricate, difficult project called "Killer Tune". It's about a serial killer type child abducting psycho predator that constantly eludes law enforcement. The lyrics are a bit gory and are quite disturbing in a way. Not for the faint of heart. But in the end...the muse feels that it will be a breakaway tune.
You see, my music is guided on an ethereal plane. Forces of the underworld speak through me and to me through the muse. I don't want to sound like some lunatic, but then again, maybe I am. I'm not saying I'm John Edwards...I'm just saying there are times when I amaze myself. Musically, I have no formal training. I can't read or write music. I've had no lessons in musical theory. I simply think of a lyrical rhyme, get a rhythm in my head from the words and then a tune comes to mind in pieces and I glue them together. That's how I write music. That's why I need to go to studios with "naturals" . A "natural" is a musician who can help put my thoughts on tape. They play as I hum the tune I want. Now before I go waste their time and my money... I work out the notes via the "hunt and peck" system and record them somehow or at least practice them. There are times when I feel I'm channeling something through me. Since I can't really PLAY a keyboard, when I sit in front of it and begin going into some sort of trance like state and start playing a tune with wither one or both hands without looking ...it boggles me. I feel like I'm not in my body doing this. Like I'm just in the room somewhere...listening. It's rather creepy in a way. I get my best tunes this way.
How I get my tune ideas come when I'm doing something mundane. The white noise of running water while doing a large load of dishes works best. We joke about how, if I made it big (Y'know...the usual fantasies that come with successes like winning the lottery), I'd have to kick the kitchen staff out after a big party and do the dishes by hand and come up with an entire album! Heh.
Anyway... I'm sure that people go through several muses through life in each phase of the game. When you get one, don't take them for granted.
You see...the key to a successful musing is that you're understood by the muse. A friend is one thing, but a muse is more like a job. There are no relationship ties or anything like that. It's sort of like Mentor to Billy Batson/Shazam. The ...Burgess Meredith type trainer to your Stallone/Rocky. A guide when your head is fucked up with confusion and self doubt. A clear digital voice in a static filled analog cellular world. They also keep it real. They tell you what you need to know, not what you want to hear. Unlike a manager or agent, they aren't really in it for their own gain.
Here's and example. I thought I could do it ALL. Be my own engineer, producer, band, promoter, booking agent, valet, costume designer...etc. And if I had 10 more years...maybe I COULD do all those things slowly. But as it would seem, I needed a slap upside the head to tell me that I need to start creating a court. A "High Council" so to speak. I need, at some soon future point in time, to begin putting together the D'Sari Knights. In english? I need to create an inner circle that can believe in the project and lend a hand to the future of today's music and to the "Epica Project". In the way, I have to find musicians to either join me or at least think in close enough format to how I think, that I may hire them, and the music will not suffer. It's all about the music. Nothing else matters until I reach that goal.
Remember my friend who scolded me in Log 09.30.03? He says that there are starving musicians out there everywhere and I should just HIRE some people to play. The point was, he was implying I hire ANY old schmuck that wants to play for a buck. Well the problem lies in this... I don't want to fight with a musician because we don't see eye to eye on how the music should sound. I don't have time for someone to mess with my program. Remember the story about the DJ who came to listen at the studio and gave me idiotic input that ruined the song? I can't play Epica with some Disco lover ...or a Rap dawg. It has to mesh or it's a mess.
Thanks for reading, anyone who cared to. In the meantime... The season of all hallows is upon us! Dark eve to you!