No I don't have a lisp. I went to the ER 2 weeks ago. It seems my thumb had begun to swell exponentially. I mean, it was cartoonish in size and painfully large and hard to touch.. Talk about sticking out like a sore thumb!
normal thumb
So I finally go to the ER. I figure they'll pop this bloody balloon and I'd have relief. Nuh uh.
I see the ER doctor on a Sunday night after work. He says he'd like me to see his hand specialist Monday, but first they want to x-ray my thumb.
sore thumb
Now for the past 9 months or so, I thought I was developing arthritis in my thumb. Only I thought I was too young for that. Apparently I'm correct. However, every morning for many months, my thumb seemed to be locked in a position. Summarily, I'd wrench it too and fro with violent cracking sounds until it gave and functioned normally albeit painfully.
The x-rays revealed it was a piece of broken off bone. They recommend a splint, and treat it as a sprain.
The hand specialist just happened to appear... In shorts....like he was out golfing. He says:
"It's not infected cause it's not hot."
"Yes it is", I say.
"No it's not." he replies.
"It hurts when I press on it. It feels like it's about to explode and you tell me it's not infected?" I retort. You see, I'm looking for relief here. Lance this fucker! Stick it like a stuffed pig!
So he's useless. The ER Doctor splints me and sends me on my way. I had to ASK for a prescription for antibiotics as a "precautionary measure". Great...10 lousy pills.
A few days after the pills are gone and well into the week I've tried every fashionable idea of a splint wishing this were Star Trek and they'd just wave some regenerative machine over my thumb.
It's still big. It's still throbbing and I'm taking Aleve as the doctor instructed for the pain.
So I'd live the next few days understanding how to live thumbless. It's not easy. Hard to play video games without a thumb. Then one day I'm sitting with scissors and digging around trying to reform a semblance of a fingernail when I hit a portion of the thumbnail and like popping a hot soda can, out comes gushing "non infection" puss. It's pouring out of me. I'm freaking like some cartoon character running back and forth from one side of the screen to another. I've never seen such a disgusting outpouring of puss which later turns to a faucet of blood.
Can I say, the relief of the pressure was so welcome, it made me forget the disgusting pussy discharge. So I've been nursing my thumb back to functionality. It's still not right yet. I need orthoscopic surgery to get the bone fragment out because it's still annoying and it makes my thumb bigger as the bone appears to be sitting in the thumbs actual pad.
So have I grossed you out yet? I'm just happy I can stop attempting to type with the splints on like Frankenthumb. Everytime I'd hit the spacebar, it sounded like someone was hitting the keyboard with a hammer.
Posted by Darkstar at August 30, 2007 01:04 AM | TrackBack