I have a tendency to be swayed or influenced by movies...like most of us are. That's probably why I chose to create the music that Epica is. It gives you that feeling that you are in an epic saga...and what more important or epic saga can you think of than your own life?
The other day, I went to see Spiderman 2, which is quite an excellent movie, by the way. One of the lessons learned (sorry for those of you who haven't seen it yet) is that beyond the whole "with great power comes great responsibility" speech, there's the notion that everyone needs a hero (or in our case, an anti-hero/ prophet). However, being a hero is never what it's cracked up to be. If you have a gift or skill that can benefit the populace, you must use it to contribute to society. The only drawback is that the bigger the gift/responsibility, the more you have to sacrifice to bring it to life.
Peter Parker learns that having these great powers comes with a price. He must give up what he loves and the life he would prefer, to handle the burden of his abilities and responsibilities. In the same fashion, I realize the same. Many parts of my lifestyle that I enjoy are not the character traits that makes an anti-hero/hero. Were I more mundane or common, then I should be happy being this way. Muses are oft times more correct than we give them credit for. I was given many gifts that make me extraordinary...yet I, as of late had been choosing to live as the ordinary. This is a disservice to YOU, those who need the help that Epica and it's philosophy attempts to provide.
The problem I had was being overly comfortable...but what was I really comfortable with? This is not the life I was born to lead. Songs plague my head with tunes... Yet I don't know how to write music. I sit at my Batcomputer and start writing with Pocket Word and lyrics come from nowhere...philosophies thrive and develop. I put pen to paper and create the most alluring tour outfits and symbols and designs. There has to be a reason. I sit in front of Fantom and plink out amazing sounds and rifts, yet I don't know how to play. I often feel like I'm channeling something through me. There has to be a reason. It's just not normal...so I must not live that way...normal that is. I suppose I write this as an affirmation of such.
I accept my responsibility more readily than before. I cannot fight it any longer. I did it because I chose to wallow in a shallow place I was never meant to be in. I wasn't always this way. When did I, the uncommon...become common? That's not makes a prophet. We are supposed to be a cut above. How else are we supposed to help those in need?
Those of you with gifts... The greater they are, the more you should try to rise above what you are normally and strive a little harder. This is what sets you apart from those out in front and the spectators.
Oh...as for my recent life developments? I've had my ups and downs...mostly downs. I've probably angered the dark forces behind me besides lost the trust of the muse if not the muse entirely. I haven't gone out to seek my collaborator or perused the musical haunts...Face it, I'm not doing much of anything. I hear that Thursday and Saturday nights are great nights to find my league of extraordinary gentlemen or rather, collaborators. Ever in the search for my Twiggy Ramirez or Jim Steinman, I am. Someone who believes in the project without ego. There in lies the problem. I can barely explain Epica myself in word...how can anyone else understand what's in my head? "Darkside" was another issue. The formula worked once, but like the movie business, these days the sequel SHOULD out perform the original.
Regrets:
I recently filmed some more footage for that rockumentary, which seemed to work out better than the original footage which I hated...but it was NOT the best idea I've had, nor my best work.
Personally, I would rather I looked better, shed a few more pounds to fit into the really cool new wardrobe I have stashed away, taken the time to amass more "D'Sari" for the shoot...but then against, that would or rather should be something done in relation to my own project. In many ways, this may have been the wrong thing to do and though it was a mild improvement overall, it really should not have been done when D'Sarian issues should come first. Wasting time to support a project other than my own, when mine is sorely behind schedule is not using time wisely at this point.
Speaking of putting things on tape...Recording has been pushed back due to everyone I was going to work with is unavailable till September. Perhaps the time wasn't right ...in my head and in reality. Things happen for a reason. This could be turned into something useful...giving me more time to learn the Fantom better. So far, I've figured out how to record, store and edit the necessary samples for future projects. If this takes too long, I may figure out how to use it's onboard workstation features and do it all myself within! Seriously, though...as much as I can't wait to start recording, there's much more to do.
I bought the most exciting book when it comes to recording. Probably the best book I ever owned on the subject of getting signed with a record company. It comes out every year and I suggest all musicians pick up "Songwriters Market: 1200 + places to market your songs" , 2003 edition. Get yourself the 2004 if you can't get 2003 which is being sold at a discount. It was so full of helpful tips that it could greatly improve an artists chances for finding what he needs to get signed or produced.
I've wasted time on things I should not have, allowed my attention to be diverted and wallowed in the mire where I do not belong...At least I see this now.
So I forge on as best as can be expected....hopefully even better than before, with newfound drive and determination... I will not fail you.
Posted by at July 26, 2004 04:43 PM